No Friend of Mine

When I was in the hospital, on bedrest, before the squad was born, I didn’t have many option of what to watch on TV. I had basic cable in my room, so I could get ESPN, but they didn’t offer Bravo, or HBO, or MTV or anything like that. The good news was that it was the season for both the NBA and the NHL playoffs. (I was in the hospital for 41 days). The bad news is that it was the finale of Friends.

I really didn’t want to watch the Friends finale, but one of my favorite nurses was on shift that evening and I knew she wanted to see it, so I left it on so she could come in and out of my room and see what was going on.

Of course, as usual, I was having contractions, so she had to keep me on the monitor and I was getting shots of terbutaline, which they only gave me if I had more than six contractions in an hour. So, basically, I am in labor and watching the stupid Friends finale.

When Monica and Chandler’s surrogate popped out two babies I started crying. Not because I was touched, but because I couldn’t bear having the distinction of having twins on the same day as the Bings. I felt that it would cheapen my whole experience, and compromise the integrity of my kids forever. Okay, so I might have been a little bit emotional at the time, but the terbutaline makes you feel like you are on speed and I had crazy pregnant hormones for three people making me insane. Then later, they had a going away party for Rachel and nobody even brought the babies, they just left them across the hall, and Rachel wasn’t even taking her baby with her to France – she was just going to let her Mom bring her out later, and I wanted to throw things at the TV, but I knew I couldn’t, because I wasn’t allowed to get up and retrieve them.

Everything turned out okay. The Squad stayed put for another week exactly, and by that time I was so ready for them to be born that I forgot about the fake TV babies and the negligent parenting styles of the Friends.

I’m still really glad they weren’t born that day.

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  1. That show pissed me off too. I was really mad about either the level of neglect, or how easy their babies were. Here they had two & they cried less than my one…

  2. How could she just leave her baby on another continent while she moved? And if Emma was staying in America, why wasn’t she with her father? Why her Grandmother? The Friends suck as parents.

  3. I’ve been meaning to read your blog, and today I finally did it. Everything is GREAT, but this post was hilarious! I’m so happy to hear that your babies were not born on the same day as the Bings — Especially after your enlightening observations! Those Bings are bad!

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