Hand ME the keys…

Today The Goon Squad were playing with keys. They were playing with keys because we are at Grandma’s house, but that is not the point. They were playing with real keys and it was time for their nap. I said “May I please have the keys?”. They ran from me. I said “Give Mommy the keys.” They laughed at me. I said “Hand me the keys”!

Now I don’t know how many of you have seen “The Usual Suspects” as many times as I have, but during the line up scene each of the guys has to read a line off of an index card to help the victim identify the guy that hijacked a truck.


The line they all have to say is “Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker.”

I want you to know that I did not say this to the children. But I did come really close.

Instead I just told my Mom about it in front of them.

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  1. But the question I have is how you said it?
    Was is like Stephen Baldwin?

  2. More of the Verbal Kint deadpan.

  3. You know, Hand ME the keys, you fucking cocksucker.

  4. Been there… done that…

    I’ve come close to reciting the ‘Ezekiel’ speech from Pulp Fiction a few times…

  5. One time I pulled the “Hey, Ian, CD’s”.

    “See dees nuts!”

    Gabe said that it was inappropriate.

  6. In English, please.

    “Give me the keys you fuckin’ cocksucker, what the fuck?”

  7. I’m partial to Fenster’s, “Hand me the fucking keys, you cocksucker, what the fuck?” How DID he come up with that accent/speech impedement? I loved it.

  8. I’m more partial to, “Boy you got a pantyhose on your head!”

    “You just drive real fast.”

  9. Mr. Hand: Raising Arizona?

    Who can guess this one (Jeromy’s been quoting it to me for years): GIMME THE KEYS, I’LL DRIVE.

  10. It could be very many movies, but I remember it in Weird Science with Anthony Michael Hall

  11. This is why I’m not supposed to have children. Because I would probably say that to them.

  12. Hand,
    I think it’s actually “Son, you got a panty on your head.”

    I drop the Ezekiel speech on my brood all the time. I am the shepherd……and if you hear that shit……It means your ass.

  13. MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, AND ALL THAT STUFF AND I MEAN IT!

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