Erin is challenging everyone to write about something “Big” before BlogHer. I spend a lot of time writing about things that make me laugh. I do this because 1) I don’t really consider myself to be a writer and 2) I read the blogs I read mostly because they make me laugh. Anyway, here goes…
I think I am about to join the ranks of what seems to be the vast majority of Mommybloggers. I’m going on medication.
I know – the last thing anybody wants to read about is one more SAHM that can’t get her shit together. One more person that has everything she ever wanted and still can’t get happy.
I’m just one more person who recently came to the realization that she feels like screaming almost every time one of her cats rubs up against her leg. One more person that just realized that she wasn’t just being lazy, and she wasn’t just really tired from having twins, but she really was having problems getting out of bed, and getting off of the couch and a trip to the grocery store was really all she could handle doing in one day.
Let’s switch over to first person. It makes it easier for me and plus this is a good place for you to stop reading if you don’t want to hear this exact same thing that everyone else has already written more eloquently. I’d stop, but I need to do this for myself.
I don’t think I qualify for the post-pardum thing, my kids turned two a couple of months ago. Plus this hasn’t been going on for that long. I don’t know if the move triggered things, or if I am just handling it poorly, but I am seeing my doctor on Wednesday to try to start sorting it all out.
For a while I really thought I was just being lazy. I thought I was just spending too much time on the computer to get all of my stuff done. I made myself a deal that I would make it a point to post less. To try to only check bloglines one or twice a day. And I still couldn’t get off the couch.
I still thought “Oh, I’ll take a shower tomorrow”.
I used to be a person who bathed every single day. I washed my hair every day. I’ve always been lazy, but I’ve always had good personal hygiene. I used to get depressed if I went two days without leaving the house, now if I go grocery shopping AND take the twins outside to play with the other neighborhood kids I feel completely exhausted.
I kind of feel like an asshole. Haven’t you already heard this story? Am I just trying to fit in with the other Mommybloggers. I think we’ve all established that anti-depressants are trendy. Now I’ll be able to have intelligent discussions with my closest friends about which medications make us feel jittery, or hungry or loopy. I’ll be able to tell all the other ladies at BlogHer what Zoloft did to my sex-drive. It’s like getting a tattoo in college or following The Greatful Dead for a couple of months. Now can I get on the blog Homecoming court?
I really considered not talking about this on my blog at all because it has all been said. And because some days I feel just fine.
So there is my serious thing. If you guys want more “real” from me I can always tell you all why I am not a Christian. Or if you’d ratherkeep it light I can post a video of my kids singing “20 Eyes”. (We’ve been working on it for a while).