August 31, 2006 | Other Bloggers, Sports

I did end up taking Cadillac Williams in the first round (as predicted) and I only took a small amount of shit for it. I think people were still being semi-polite in the first round.

It was kind of confusing because half of us were on a conference call and the other half were chatting drafting online. Sometimes it was like reading a book and watching tv at the same time. It was like I couldn’t fully concentrate on anything, but I know there was talk of Erin’s boobs, scotch, Jeff George, children, strippers, and tea parties. (Don’t ask me. I told you I didn’t know what was going on already.)

Funniest part of the night: The Kaiser had to draft on autopilot when he was on his way home from work. He got David Carr and Mark Brunell in back to back picks. I wonder if you can sue CBS Sportsline for crappy rankings?

For those of you who care, here is what I ended up with:
QB Carson Palmer
QB Aaron Brooks
RB Carnell Williams
RB Reggie Bush
RB Thomas Jones
RB T.J. Duckett
WR Hines Ward
WR Derrick Mason
WR Braylon Edwards
WR Ashley Lelie
TE Randy McMichael
K Adam Vinatieri
K John Kasay
D Dolphins
D Cardinals (shut up - they play Green Bay on Miami’s bye week)

Feel free to make fun of me or praise me as you see fit. I won’t know anyway. I’ll be driving the kids to the beach where I may or may not be able to get online.

If I don’t talk to you until Monday - have a happy Labor Day weekend and Happy Birthday Mom! Sorry that we couldn’t be in Florida for your birthday, but I can see that you have sent Ernesto up to punish us for our insolence.

August 30, 2006 | Other Bloggers, Sports

I have my fantasy football draft tonight. Woo hoo!

But this isn’t just ANY regular fantasy football draft. This is a blogger draft. That’s right. You heard me. I’ll be on a conference call with other dorks cool cats just like me.

So if any of you were wondering who I will be taking money from at the end of the season. Here is a list. (In alphabetical order, just like at the beginning of Dallas)

BIYF
Bump
Child’s Play x 2
CroutonBoy
Genuine
Kemp
Marginally Clever
MetroDad
More Diapers
Queen of Spain
The Kaiser

Suckers.

It should be a pretty fun draft. Now I’m off to buy beer and chips, so it will be more like a live draft.

(My prediction for this evening: I’m drafting 9th. In all the rankings I’ve been researching, Carnell Williams is the #9 running back. So unless some dolt other respected player drafts a WR or Peyton Manning in the first 8 picks, I’ll be picking a Buccaneer player as my first pick causing all the other players to make fun of me for the rest of the draft.)

ps - I am such a winner today. Not only did I win Cynical Dad’s Incestuous Music Challenge (It’s not as gross as it sounds) but I also just won a $25 Visa gift certificate on Blingo!

I also won a $25 visa gift card for Alison, since I signed up for Blingo through her. So, click the red button, sign up, search like you normally would on google anyway, and win us stuff.

Do you want to know what I was searching for when I won this time? I swear to your Gods that I was searching for a “football beer” image. I knew my love for beer and football would pay off eventually.

August 29, 2006 | Twin Stuff

Here is The Goon Squad’s favorite joke.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Apple.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…

I’m not kidding. That is the whole joke. I don’t get get it either.

They both tell it to each other (and other puzzled looking people) all of the time. They both crack up, all of the time. Sometimes when they tell the joke they think it is hilarious to actually knock on the refrigerator, or a door.

And sometimes they mix it up and it goes like this:

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.

It is almost like that old joke “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?” except different. I guess if I had a captive sibling audience that thought I was really funny I’d tell the same stupid joke over and over too.

August 28, 2006 | My Soapbox

Okay. Who the hell keeps searching for “wonder pets ringtone”?

Seriously.

Like that song doesn’t get stuck in your head enough as it is? I tried to find it for those of you who are lucky enough to not already know it, but I didn’t find it.

(But I did find The Wonder Pets Go Pee Pee)

Randomness

You guys aren’t going to believe this, but Tammie made pictures of the human reproductive system using candy. I’m serious. Go look.

Last week I got a hit when somebody typed in this question “Does Tori Amos like Helmet?” Um. I don’t know.

Karl has inspired me. Send me a picture of yourself (or your kid, or your animal or just a picture of your computer) reading my site and I’ll post it to my Blog Appreciation set on flickr.

Deadwood with a laugh track. It really changes the feel of the show.

August 27, 2006 | Speak Up Sonny. I can't hear you.

I felt old today because the ambient music in the grocery store was “Blitzkrieg Bop”.

Not even muzak or anything, just The Ramones. Uncensored. How un-punk is that?

August 26, 2006 | Son of a..., Sports

All the Holy Wars can stop now. Clearly, there is no God. How do I know? Here is the story.

I knew when I moved to Virginia that I probably wouldn’t be able to go to any Bucs games this year. I knew that the Tampa Bay games wouldn’t be on tv every Sunday. No problem. I’ve got the NFL Sunday Ticket. I knew it would be more difficult to buy Buccaneers gear here. Okay, not a big deal, I go to Tampa a couple of times a year to visit. I can buy stuff then.

I forgot that you can only get preseason games on local television. Fortunately, the NFL Network re-runs every single preseason game. I have TiVoed the Bucs games and watched them both so far, but I was still excited when I saw that the Tampa Bay @ Jacksonville game was going to be nationally televised.

So it is 7:55 and I am sitting here with my jersey on and a beer in my hand when I realize that CBS is showing me the Redskins/Patriots pre-game show.

What the hell?

Well, maybe local CBS is showing the Washington game, but surely I can find the game on ESPN or maybe somewhere else. I mean, I have 300 channels at least.

ESPN is showing little league baseball. That isn’t even the worst part. NFL network is showing (wait for it) “Chargers Cheerleaders: Making the Squad”.

Like I said. There is no God.

Now I’m sitting here (all alone, The Squad is asleep and Gabe went camping) watching Mark Brunell embarrass himself. I normally don’t root against The Redskins (unless they play the Bucs), but I am willing to make an exception today. Grrrrrrrr. At least the kids are sleeping. Maybe there is a God.

Cross Posted at Draft Day Suit

August 25, 2006 | The Blue One

It is Ian riding a Barbie Vespa - with helmet.

Gabe, Randomness

Gabe just sent me this link. It is an advertisement for power tools.

I don’t know why they banned this commercial. I mean - they’re wearing safety goggles.

Anyway, if you like tools and boobs (and a lot of booty) the link above is the link for you. Enjoy.

August 24, 2006 | She Blinded Me With Science

Okay, all you scientists. It is time to come clean.

How many frigging planets are there?

Last week they tell me there are 12 planets, and now they are trying to tell me that Pluto isn’t a planet at all?

What the hell? How many are there?

What am I supposed to tell my children? What am I supposed to do with “My Very Educated Mother Just Scorched Uncle Ned’s Pants” because “My Very Educated Mother Just Scorched Uncle Ned” has a much darker feel, and I’m not sure I want to be teaching The Squad that I think it’s okay to go around burning people.

That being said, I am much more concerned with giving them bad information. I’m glad they are only two. I don’t know what I would tell them if they were studying the Solar System this year.

So, how about it scientist? How many planets? 8, 9, 12? (Eggs are good, eggs are bad, cholesterol is bad except for good cholesterol which we need. Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. No, we were mistaken.) The news is confusing. Sometimes I really do think ignorance is bliss.