Ian True Story From 9/15/06 #1: TMI
I try to be very open and honest with my children. We shower together and they often come into the bathroom while I am using the facilities. This morning, Ian was in the bathroom with me and he said “Mommy, are you putting that tampon on your penis?”
I said “No, I don’t have a penis. I am a girl. Girls have vaginas.”
I wanted to explain more, but: a) He couldn’t possibly care or b) understand and c) how much information does a two year old boy need about tampons and d) what would he do with that information if he had it?
I decided to leave it at that.
Ian True Story From 9/15/06 #2: Why do I have to say these things?
This morning (after the bathroom incident) we went to Target. Both kids were in the cart and as I shopped I would let them play with some of the things we were buying. I actually had to say “Please don’t hit Mommy with the toilet brush again.”
I’m not making this up. You can ask Devra. She was there and witnessed the whole thing.
Ian True Story From 9/15/06 #3: Even less appropriate than the last two stories.
We were trying to pick up anything in the living room that could be harmful to little(er) kids because Lumpyhead is coming over to hang out while his parents go to get an ultrasound today. I was encouraging Ian to put away all of his tools (I told you he threw a hammer at Lumpyhead the last time he was here, right?) and he starts poking me in the back with his screwdriver.
(Do you see where this is going yet?)
I said “Ian, what are you doing?”
And he said (I swear he said this)
“I’m screwing Mommy”.