Stranger than Strange Fiction

I’m reading a Tom Robbins book. For any of you that have read anything by Robbins you may have noticed that his work is somewhat odd. You would never call him a realist. In fact, in the book I am reading now one of the main characters is a dirty sock.

My real life is much more mundane. Sort of. For example, this morning I was cutting the Sheriff’s toenails (the Sheriff being Ian in sweatpants and a cowboy vest with a shiny star pinned onto it) and (and I swear that this is 100% true) one of his toenails shot straight into my eye.

I honestly never even thought that was possible. It hurt so bad that from now on I am seriously considering wearing safety goggles when I give The Goon Squad their pedicures from now on.

Well, maybe it isn’t stranger than an animated dirty sock, but whatever.

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  1. Good Grief.
    Just one more reason to put off clipping those tiny toes.

    Thank you!

    After all, don’t want to risk my VISION.

  2. A toenail in the eye? Owwww! I’ll add that to my list of “why I do not want to have kids right now.” :)

  3. I paint Noodle’s toes, do you do that? I use it to leverage her staying still for more than a nano-second. I wear glasses so I have deflected crazy toe nails.
    Tom Robbins is da bomb. Reading Another Roadside Attraction at the age of 16 was very liberating.

  4. Love Skinny Legs and All. One of my favorite. When my husband and I paint, we are helped along by Damp Rag, courtesy of that book and our own innate weirdness.

    Have you read Jitterbug Perfume? Also very good.

  5. The cure to the toenail in the eye is to have your husband clip the kids’ nails. For some reason Ada squirms when I clip her nails (unless we are simultaneously watching youtube videos of llamas) but sits still for Chris’s ministrations.

  6. Have you seen the picture of Justin’s dirty sock? I think that it may walk away one day.

    Maybe you can use your eye damage as more leverage to get lasik surgery…

  7. Hahahahaha! I’m not laughing at you. Really.
    If it makes you feel better…
    A couple of weeks ago I was getting something off the shelf in the fridge…I always keep a container of smoky adobo sauce (very, very spicy hot)to pour on just about everything I eat. It fell out of the fridge, hit the ground and splatted directly up in to my eye. My husband said he has never seen me scream so long or so hard as he had to pry my eyeball open and run water over my face. Hee hee. It’s funny now.

  8. And that’s six more months of birth control, right there. Thank you.

  9. That happened to me before. I couldn’t believe it either!

  10. My biggest parenting success to date is teaching Number 1 to cut the nails (finger and toes) of Number 2.

    My eyes water in sympathy.

  11. Yep. Happened to me. Now my eyes automatically close with every clip. They’re scared. And I don’t blame them.

  12. Wow. Okay…headed to Home Depot tomorrow for goggles, just in case!

  13. Shouldn’t you be wearing goggles anyway because of the vapors produced by their feet? Or are my feet the only ones that do that?

  14. hilarious, but sorry bout the toenail. i have to say, i agree with nonlinear girl. bob is mostly in charge of the nails. he also is the one to comb their hair, which he seems to love. i, on the other hand, never comb my own hair with anything more technical than fingers, and thus, don’t mess with their hair either.

    i want a photo next time you cut their nails, with goggles, please.

    oh. also. tom robbins is one of my heroes in life. he is so good at what he does, i would read anything he would write. not so true for movies made of his books, but you can’t have it all.

  15. I looooove that book. Just recommended it to a friend last week.

  16. I totally believe it. As a vet tech we WOULD wear goggles because dog toenails hurt WAY more than human ones. Plus there are more of them. Now that I think about it, I was kinda like Edward Scissorhands.

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