I Was Just Trying to Leave Playgroup

Just when you think you don’t have anything interesting to write about, life happens.

First the cat threw up on my shoe.

I was just trying to leave playgroup. It was at someone’s house where you take your shoes off right when you walk in the door. I am in an area that is between the front door and the porch door. It is probably 3′ x 5′. I am in there with two kids and two cats. As I am trying to get Claudia’s shoes, Ian’s cowboy boots and my shoes on Ian opens the door and one of their cats runs outside.These are inside cats.

I run out into the rain in my socks and retrieve this cat out of the bushes. I don’t think he was that pleased that I was picking him up, but I did manage to get him back inside. Then my socks were soaking wet.

I am back in the 3′ X 5′ area again, but this time everything seemed to have multiplied. There were three cats and three children and me.

I got on one of Ian’s cowboy boots and a different cat threw up on my shoe.

Gross, but whatever. Now I have three moms (two of whom are extremely pregnant), five kids and three cats all trying to get out the door, and I am just trying to take my wet socks off and get The Squad’s shoes on, then the same cat barfs on my socks.

Son of a…

I go out in the rain, the cold rain in my bare feet and get both kids all strapped into the car. Claudia is yelling about being hungry. I try to give her a handful of goldfish, but she wants the whole bag.

I only have one bag of goldfish.

As any parent of two children knows, you can’t just give one two year old a huge bag of goldfish and expect them to share with their sibling. I figure maybe she will fall asleep on the ride and we can avoid a huge confrontation.

Click, click, click, click.

The car won’t start.

Now both kids are screaming. Claudia still wants goldfish and Ian is yelling about having poop on his shoe.

After a brief investigation, it turns out that the poop on the shoe thing is true.

Gross. I wipe it off with a bank envelope that I have in the car.

I call Gabe and he says that it sounds like my battery is dead. Fortunately, I have jumper cables and the person who was hosting the playgroup is still home and can pull her car right up to the front of my van.

Unfortunately, neither of us know how to jump start a car.

It all turned out okay, I called Gabe again and he told me what to do and I didn’t blow any of us up, and the car started.

And I only touched the things together and made sparks fly everywhere once.

We made it home fine. It turns out I do need a new battery. The car won’t start again. Just take my advice and don’t go to playgroup hoping that you will come home with something to write about. It might not be something cute.

So, how was your morning?

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  1. Happy New Year! Sounds like you had one hell of a morning. I promise if we ever get together at my house, you can leave your shoes on and we have NO CATS or dogs. Just a goldfish. Plus, since I have 2 kids, I have plenty of ziplock baggies just for times like your Goldfish incident. Though my duo are starting to catch on. Bummer!

  2. So, how many cats are involved in this? Did the same one escape, vomit twice, and poop? Is there some kind of cat ebola running rampant through this playgroup host’s house?

    And why is it that car batteries always die when it’s raining?

  3. They had four cats.

    I think the poop was unrelated.

  4. Oh my GOD.
    That? That right there? It’s why I never leave the house.

  5. Good gravy, what a morning! I sure hope your day got better.

  6. Did that really happen? It reads like a nightmare.

  7. Wow, who the hell did you piss off to get a bad day like that cursed on you? Hope the day got a little better after that.

  8. I’m sorry, but that cracked me up. But I will take your advice and not wish I had something to write about. Better to put up a post about what I had for lunch or something… :) Hope your day got better after you got home. Especially cause it sounds like you aren’t going anywhere, what with the dead car battery and all.

  9. I’m telling you – parallel worlds. My car battery died on Wednesday – I thought it was the alternator, though, and had AAA tow it. It’s still at the shop waiting for me to find time to go pick it up.

    Know all about that goldfish issue…

    I feel your pain!

  10. What a morning! All I had to do was go to a class and that felt tough. Thanks be there were no cats involved. Hope you have a great (and relaxing) weekend.

  11. Wow. I sometimes don’t know how you do it. Honestly. How do you not crawl into a ball…That is how I would handle that morning. I am so weak. You are the pillar of patience.

  12. Now I know why you drink.

    My day? Major meltdown, first thing. Seemingly inexplicable but probably had something to do with waking up at 6-freakin’-30 this morning. Mini-meltdowns all around. Eat, get shoes, pee, pile into the car and get The Kid back to school for the first time this year. (I actually had about two seconds to wonder if my car would start since it hasn’t been out of the garage in more than a week.) Listened to a Norwegian Christmas song over-and-over-and-over in the car (Mommy, can we hear it again?) until we got there. (Note to self: take that CD out of the player. Now.) Girls didn’t nap. Five minutes before I had to get them up, The Monkey fell asleep. Two poopy diapers. Scrambled into car again to get The Kid. Scream-while-you-wait … afraid to crank up the stereo too much. (I mean, it IS a parochial school. Somehow, I don’t think they’d appreciate Hells Bells.) The Kid fell asleep in the car. But no sleep when he got home. Doorbell rang three times in 15 minutes (up and down the stairs every time for me) while he was having “quiet time” and the girls screamed, er, caught up on the sleep they didn’t get earlier. (Not.) Babysitter’s here. I’m ready for a margarita. Or three.

  13. My goodness, now that is some nastiness going on! See…this is why I have no pets. I don’t think I could handle animal throw-up/poop.

    I can jump-start a car though. It was one of my Dad’s not so humorous driving lessons. It happened the same day I learned to change a car tire. And it happened the same day my Dad thought it would be funny to announce my first “driving test” to my then 15 1/2 year old self who ran to her room with excitement, primped for 30 minutes, and came outside to a torn apart car and a hysterically laughing father. So yeah, I can jump-start a car.

  14. THAT is why I’m not a cat person. Cat puke = mass quantaties of Trish puke.

    Gah!

    I would think dog puke would have the same effect but I haven’t see a dog puke except once back in the 80’s. Every person I know with a cat, I’ve seen the cat puke.

    I keep typing cake instead of cat dammit. I’m getting freaked out here.

  15. Did the host not let her cats poop for three days before this play group? Yuck.

    Sucks about everything happening at once.

  16. When I was a kid, I watched one of my teachers jump start her car in the school parking lot. After they got it running, she handed me one end of the cables to hold for a second, and warned me not to touch the two ends together. So of course I did, and scared the crap out of my little self.

  17. You poor poor thing. I have had morning like that, just when you think it can’t get any worse….. you look up at the sky and say “Why? Why do you hate me?”

    Hope the rest of your day is much much better!

  18. It’s stories like this that make me ok with being childless. Seriously, you are one of the bravest people I know. Hope things get better!

  19. When I first read this, I thought it was your cats and you some how let in a stray.

    I’m tired. I think being so confused by this just convinced me to go to bed.

  20. Hi Sarah!

    I’m bloghopping today and came over here from Little Miss Pissy Pants.

    I’ve got three kids of my own, and I recall a similar day that was defined by multiple instances of kids vomiting in the car, at home on the rug, and an incontinet dog thrown into the mix. Sounds like you had almost as much fun your day as I did that day.

    Ian
    Stop by and say hello

  21. Sounds awful. I bet you just wanted to go home and go to bed after that. (and perhaps you did).

  22. Sorry you had such a bad day, but man that sure made a funny post. Keep them coming.

  23. That was so hilarious! I am so glad I stumbled across that post. I don’t think a movie writter could have come up with something that off the wall.

  24. I have the cat throwing up thing down to a science when I’m sleeping…
    I start to hear the “guwah guwah” sound and I am instantly out of bed, scooping up said cat in hand and throwing them on to our tile floor bathroom. I hate cleaning up cat throw up on carpet.
    Sorry your morning sucked.

  25. Oh, man. What a blog-worthy morning. And not in a good way, either.

  26. I haven’t laughed this hard about a post in a long time.
    You rock. Sorry about cat barf and cat poop and dead battery but it made me laugh and laugh.

  27. MUCH better than yours, thanks. Hope your day got better.

  28. i hate to admit that i am laughing at your pain.. but well, I am

  29. God was that ever hilarious! (mainly because it’s all eerily familiar!) thanks, I really needed that this evening! :-)

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