That Will Teach Me to Be Such a Smart Ass


My new friend Beth was being bold the other day, and instead of doing the ubiquitous “5 Weird Things About Me” meme she challenged her readers to ask “outrageous, inappropriate, entertaining, or just plain hilarious (to me) questions” and she would answer them instead. So I, being what I thought was terribly clever (and knowing full well that her mother reads her blog) asked where she lost her virginity.

She answered the question (and some other entertaining questions) and then threw these questions back in our faces.

What I am trying to say is that she tagged those of use who asked questions to answer our own questions along with five others from her comments section.

Since I did the five weird things meme already (way back in the olden days when it was still six weird things) consider this my new improved answer.

If you are my mother, mother-in-law, one of my children (in the future) or Gabe now would be a good time to look away.

1) Where were you when you lost your virginity?

Like Beth, I was on a waterbed. Unlike Beth, I didn’t have any black light.

2) Have you ever had an out of body experience? Please describe in detail.

Yes. One time in high school, I was completely exhausted. I was involved in about 10 too many activities and I was still going out a lot and getting very little sleep. I was in my bed getting ready to go to sleep and my mind went completely blank (which I read later is a big apart of it) and I realized that I was sort of “floating” (for lack of a better word) above my bed. Above myself. As soon as I realized what was going on it was as if I snapped back down into my body. It really freaked me out.

3) When was your most embarrassing fart and who got to “enjoy” it?

Oh, this is a good one. Okay, one time we were in Orlando for homecoming (this was pre-Squad times) was had been drinking like crazy all weekend and eating total garbage. It was after the football game and the plan was that we would all go to our rooms and get cleaned up for dinner. My stomach was a mess. I’d been drinking Miller Light in plastic bottles all day. You know what that can do to a person.

Tammy and Ritch were staying two doors down the hall from us and we were going to just meet them in the hall and go down to the lobby to meet the rest of the gang. Gabe opened up the door to our hotel room and I said “Are they out there yet?” He said “No” and then I let out the loudest, raunchiest fart of all time. Then Gabe closed the door.

He said “No, Tammy and Ritch aren’t out there, but other people are.

I still laugh so hard I cry every single time I think about that.

4) Do you, or have you ever watched porn with Chris? Was it hot or weird?

No. In fact, I’ve never even met Chris. (For those of you who are confused, Chris is Beth’s husband and all of the questions were directed towards her.)

If you want to know if I have ever watched porn with Gabe then the answer is yes.

5) Complete this sentence: In my refrigerator/kitchen/pantry, you can always find:



That is it. Feel free to play along. I guess this is also an appropriate time to open up the floor to other embarrassing questions. Have at me. (That sounded way dirtier than I what I meant. ) I tag no one. I feel I’ve learned a valuable lesson about karma.
Oh, and screw you, Beth. Nicely played, but still. Screw you.

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  1. Beer. That’s outrageous? Dang, we have beer, wine, and limes (for beer and margaritas) at all times. Who’s up for happy hour at my place? 😉

    Every question I can think of right now has to do with sex. Dang, my hub’s been out of town for awhiiiiiile.

    OK, here goes: If you had to pick one celebrity to have sex with, who would it be and why?

  2. If you could choose one blogger to rake her lawn and freak her out, who would it be and what would she title the post about it?

  3. I’m sure it’s in your archives somewhere, but did you have the goon squad vaginally or via c-section? Having gone the c-section route for my 1 baby, I have a lot of respect for moms of multiples who “did it” vaginally.

  4. That’s some interesting stuff there! I’ve never been brave enough to open my blog up to questions. Kind of afraid of what I’d get asked, although it’s easy enough to twist an answer around so you don’t give away too much. :)

  5. Wait, my mom reads my blog? Crap.

    Glad you and Chris aren’t sneaking around watching porn together, because that would be a little weird.

  6. bwahahaaha
    that’s awesome

  7. There IS a good reason for memes. This is proof.

  8. I have thoroughly enjoyed these posts, Beth’s and yours. I commented to Beth I will not be adding on my own blog since my mother reads mine! I think my cheeks are turning red just thinking about it!

  9. Your embarrassing flatulence story made me laugh so hard I cried, too.

    And hey, I actually know the answer to Erin’s question. :-)

    p.s., does this mean I have to answer embarrassing questions, too? (this actually might be good blog fodder for me, seeing as I’m in a big lull…)

  10. Heh – it’s a darn good thing you haven’t been watching porn with another woman’s husband. You’d both have some serious explaining to do.

  11. That is the best group of meme topics I’ve ever read!

  12. I’m asking you nothing.
    I know how you are.
    You’ll tag me back just for grins and then say you were crossing your fingers or some bullshit like that.

  13. Houdini, Kool and The Gang and me. Now come up with the question I am answering.

  14. I thought the fart story wold be about the ne on the boat… I’m not sure which one was funnier.

  15. yes, karma IS a bitch…good thing i only asked about farts and pee. 😉

    also…i’m dying from your fart story. dying.

  16. Okay, then who was I watching porn with?!

  17. Ahahahaha! I lost mine on a waterbed, too. Must have been an 80’s thing. Wait…how old are you?

  18. Instead of “Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah,” Bump and I are now calling you “Sarah, Farting Sarah.”

    It’s a title of high honor in our house, I’ll have you know.

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