I should have known something was wrong.
First, I was in the bathroom all alone. That almost never happens. Second, it was too quiet. I was mistakenly attributing the silence to “Blue’s Clues”.
I should have realized that Joe isn’t that enthralling. Steve, maybe, but this was “Joe’s Surprise Party”. That’s a pretty stupid episode.
Did they color on the walls? No. Did they take every book of the bookshelf? No. Did they unfold all of the folded laundry? No. Did they vomit bananas and yogurt all over my carpet silently? Yes.
Who barfs quietly?
Does anyone want to come over and help us pull up all of our disgusting carpet? There’s hardwood under there. It has got to be easier to clean barf off of hardwood. Maybe I’ll just lay linoleum in the living room, or better yet, I’ll just lay down newspaper every morning before The Goon Squad wakes up.