Dr. Seuss, I Don’t Like the Way this Looks One Bit

I told you that I’ve been going to the library like crazy, right? Yesterday I went when the kids were at school and I thought I hit the jackpot.

Yeah, the word thought in italics is foreshadowing.

Ian and Claudia have really been loving “Green Eggs and Ham”, and Ian loves pretending to cook and helping us cook and cookbooks in general, so when the childrens librarian showed me the “Green Eggs and Ham Cookbook” I knew Ian would go nuts and love it.

Green eggs and ham cookbook

I brought it home and he did love it. He took it with him in the car when we went to the store, and he took it over to his grandparent’s house for dinner and carried it around all day.

I thought what a great job I did getting a book he really like.

Then I started looking at the recipes.

They were really complicated and most of them didn’t look to tasty. Oh well, I thought, at least he likes the book and he gets the idea, I think. The recipes all have clever Dr. Seuss titles like “Pink Yink Ink Drink” and “Schlopp with a Cherry on Top”.

Then I got to page 35. Page 35 has a recipe for “Schottz’s Knots”.
Schlottz's knots gross

It looks like this.

This picture makes me want to vomit. What is it? Diarrhea? Entrails? This animal seems to have some dort of intestinal distress. I mean – the book says it is bread-stick dough, but I certainly wouldn’t eat anything that is coming out of that animal’s ass. Would you?

I think I’ll return this book tomorrow.

I don’t know how someone is supposed to be able to eat at all with a picture like this in their home.

I can’t help wondering if this Schlottz are the Zan’s Can Chili.

Ugh. I just grossed myself out.

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  1. blegh

  2. And me just recovering from an intestinal virus…

  3. Me too! But I also have a terrible gag reflex too. Guess who suffers the most?! ha ha..

  4. I would not like Knots from the ass of a Who
    All the Whos down in Whooville making food out of pooh.
    I do not eat things from any anus
    In fact, I think it’s really heinous.
    I would not eat Knots in a pinch
    He’s mean and foul, that Mr. Grinch.

  5. I think I’m going to be sick. Talk amongst yourselves.

  6. Ewww!

  7. That doesn’t look enticing at all. Ugh.

  8. I would not eat it in my house, I would not eat it with a mouse…

  9. do you eat hot dogs? that’s pure ass, baby!

  10. I am totally going to check that book out from the library and make Schottz’s Knots for brunch in a couple weeks!

  11. Wow. That looks exactly like when my cat throws up on the floor.

  12. Sarah
    Goon Squad Sarah, please
    refrain from posting
    pix like these.

    This creature won’t live long
    it’s clear
    with all that coming out
    its rear.

    It makes me sad
    to see it dying,
    next to drinks
    and meat for frying.

  13. The so-called “Dr” Seuss has always been on my creep list.

  14. I love bones comment. It takes great efforts and enthusiasm to rhyme heinous with anus.

    You have brilliant readers.

  15. I agree. You people have real talent.

  16. Holy crap, that’s disgusting. I thought it looked like he was losing his intestines, too. NOT appetizing.

  17. That’s way worse than having a talking chicken invite you to eat … chicken.

  18. That may be the grossest thing I’ve ever seen but it didn’t stop me from cracking up throughout this entire post. Hilarious!

  19. Actually, “Schottz’s Knots” are the knots in the tail of a Schottz, not that that makes them any more appetizing. Gross.

  20. Hmmmm … so troublesome!

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