Also, I saw my doctor Wednesday, and she told me to go on a 1200 calorie a day diet, because women “my age” just don’t need very many calories a day. And then I punched her in the neck.

Okay, no I didn’t, but I wanted to.

Of course, I’ve never heard the words “perfect pelvis” though so I’m very jealous!

He told me, as I’m lying on the table, vulnerable, “You’ve got the perfect childbearing hips.”

I started to cry. It was mortifying.

BROWNSVILLE, Texas (AP) - December 20, 2006 - Two men passed themselves off as doctors and performed pelvic, breast and other exams on female patients, according to an indictment.

Arthur Daniel Hayes, 56, was arrested Tuesday and was being held in lieu of $200,000 bail. The second man, whose name was not immediately released, had not been arrested by late Tuesday.

They are charged with practicing without a license, sexual assault and Medicaid fraud.

“They set up with what looked like a doctor’s office. They wore doctors’ coats. They presented themselves as doctors,” Chuck E. Mattingly Jr., chief first assistant district attorney, told The Brownsville Herald.

And my midwife told me that you could drive a truck through my pelvis. I was a size 4 at the time, so I didn’t let it hurt my feelings. (But after 2 c-sections I felt a little grumpy that not even a baby, much less a truck, had fit through it.)