Writing checks I can’t cash

Every time I write something even mildly scandalous on my site, Sarah leaves me a comment about how upset my mother is going to be when she reads it. This always freaks me out, because my mom doesn’t read my site, but it makes me wonder if maybe Sarah knows something I don’t know. Here’s what I do know:

  1. Sarah gave me access to her blog, which was silly.
  2. Sarah has no internet access for the entire weekend.
  3. Sarah’s mom does read this site. (Hi, Sarah’s mom!)

So, I decided I would tell you every scandalous and embarrassing thing I know about Sarah and then leave her a comment about how upset her mother is going to be when she reads it.

Except that then I couldn’t think of anything scandalous or embarrassing about Sarah, except that she recently got way too drunk on tequila and couldn’t walk for two days afterwards, but she told you that herself so it hardly counts.

Yeah, I’m totally bummed about it too. Hey! Maybe Sarah’s mom can tell us something embarrassing! How about it, Sarah’s mom?

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  1. Ha ha. But who is this Sarah person?

  2. Wait, she couldn’t walk for two days because of the tequila? That’s not what Gabe told me.

  3. Let me tell you, I’ve had quite a lot of experience with drunk people. I graduated from the University of Arizona. ‘Nuff said.

    Sarah? Scandalous? Hardly. Despite her tequila-induced state she didn’t get angry and scream obscenities or threaten to kick my ass, she didn’t start crying about any ex-boyfriends nor did she try to strip off her clothing. She didn’t even ask to be driven to Taco Bell for Nachos Del Grande! And though she passed out cold in my car, the girl didn’t even spill-not even a drop- any water in the cup she was holding. After we got to her house and *I was trying to get her out of my car, the most ornery she gotwas her assertion of “I think I might puke.” And I told her “No way. Remember the rule is ‘No puking in my car!’ and you need to follow it.” She mumbled demurely, “Okay.”

    If there was a flavor associated with drunken behavior, Sarah would be vanilla. No doubt. No doubt.

    *Actually Gabe and I got her out of the car. With me being just shy of 5 feet tall, there was no way I was going to be able to single-handedly get Sarah, who is at least a good foot and a half taller than me, out of the car.

  4. Considering the embarrassing things I know…….considering the hush money required to keep me silent……

  5. oooohhhh scandalous.

    I cannot wait to hear from her mother.

  6. Gidge, you get hush money?
    DAMN! I’ve known Sarah for approx. 20 years and I don’t get paid to keep quiet. Oh! And the stories from high school I could spill! How much do you think I should demand for my continued silence?

  7. LOL
    I am about 100% you have better dirt than me Lori!

    Maybe we could conspire……and split the hush money.

  8. Deja Vu!!! I heard that same story of Sarah passed out in a car….. oh wait…. that was my car! I think Sarah has now done that same thing more than once (about 12 years ago!)Does that make it a scandal?

  9. Oh. yeah..I’ve got SCANDAL…oh wait. No. that was me.

    I mean..sarah was there. but….yeah. damn. she is vanilla.

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