Formal Memo/Informal Poll


TO: SATGS Readers

FROM: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

DATE: August 8, 2007

SUBJECT: My header/flash/loading times

Dear Readers,

It has come to my attention that my page loads very slowly.

I have made several changes to my site so that it would load faster, but alas, my header is flash (whatever that means) and so it still takes a while to load.

Do you like the lasers shooting out of Ian’s eyes, or would you prefer that I just do away with those so that my page loads faster?

Please advise.


Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah Esq.

(What does it even mean when you have esquire after your name? Am I lying about something or just being insufferable?)

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  1. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    You’re being insufferable, Sarah. Stop it.

    Keep the lasers. They’re key. Maybe consider switching them to Claudia, though. Share the wealth, lest she grow up feeling slighted because Ian was the only one allowed to destroy your head.

  2. Hehe…at work I deal with a lot of attorneys, and esq. is used to indicate that they are indeed attorneys. I don’t know why!

  3. Esquire means you are a lawyer. Are you?

    And I have no opinion on the Flash part. Nope, none.

  4. Esquire means you are a person of a certain social status, but it’s very vague as to its extent, so we all know you’re making it up.

    Heh. (Love my dictionary search?) I’ve only heard the term a few times.

    I like the lasers. They make the blog! :)

  5. Ironically, I came to your site to make sure I had the address correct because I’m off to meet with my web designer and wanted to show her some of the cool looking sites I go to. Yours being one of the coolest. The lasers are key!! But also, I’m going to be late for my meeting because your site does seem to freeze up my computer for a few minutes each time I visit. But it is worth the wait!

  6. They both need lasers, actually. This from my 11-year-old NON MANSITTER son.

    Your site doesn’t load slowly for me, viewed on a Macbook via Firefox. But I am special.

  7. From wikipedia: An esquire (abbreviated Esq.) is a person of a certain social status; always rather vague in its extent, the term has become practically meaningless today. Nonetheless, its use as a postnominal honorific remains fairly common.

    So, if you prefer to be practically meaningless, keep it. But definitely keep the lasers. My computer loads a little slow on occasion, but I attribute that to my suck-y cable provider who also pixels out National Geo channel & Disney channel so we can hardly see the picture. Grrrrr (viewed on Toshiba w/Firefox)

    And I second the idea of Claudia getting a chance to blow up your head, cuz my girls have done it to me about 4 times already this morning, and they’re NINE YEARS OLD!!!

  8. I don’t have problems. And I love the header. I did however wonder when Ian was the laser child.

  9. It loads fine for me, no longer delay than any of the other blogs I read. But I agree with those who say that Claudia should have her chance. :)

    Then again, based on my experience as a daughter and growing up with sisters, Claudia won’t really start blowing up your head until she’s approaching the “tween” years. And then it all goes to hell after that. So, you could wait!

  10. Loads pretty quickly for me.

    I think both the kids should be shooting lasers at you, lest anyone think one is better behaved than the other.
    Lord knows I feel like all my boys are shooting lasers at me sometimes, then again boys do have those built in light sabers.

  11. Keep the Lasers, hell give Claudia some too.

    I have a Web Developer add on in my Firefox and it look to me the loading problem is not coming so much from the header as it is from your side bar.

  12. Your site makes my home computer crash, but I can see it on my work computer. I’ve learned never to pull it up on the family computer. I think you’re known for those lasers, though. You can’t get rid of ’em now.

  13. I have problems with your site, with Gidge’s and with Queens site. It takes five minutes for them to load. SLite exageration, but it does take a while. I think that it has more to do with all of the pictures that are on them than with the flash. And don’t take those away.

  14. You have a header? Who knew? I read through Google Reader, so I only load the page when I set down my drink and click through to comment.

    As for the lasers, you might want to take possession of them. You’ll need all the help you can get to have a chance of winning in fantasy football.

  15. The header made Firefox freeze last night.

  16. I like the header; it’s unique, and doesn’t seem to slow down page loads for me. Then again, I typically read you in Google Reader.

    Esq. is not quite as meaningless as earlier comments suggest. It’s an indication of being licensed to practice law. I use it on my business card, but only because my admission status in California prohibits me from using any title other than “Registered In-House Counsel”. Since that’s clunky, I don’t use a title at all, and just put Esq. after my name.

    It’s pretty pretentious, however, so if you see a young (

  17. I dig the header, it’s the first thing that caught my eye when I first found your site, back in the days when I first stumbled into the world of parentblogging. And most of the time I only read stuff in Google reader, so no biggie.

    As to the esquire bit, it’s weird that you bring that up. When I came into work this morning, one of my coworkers had written that word on the whiteboard after my name…and no, I’m not a lawyer. I almost used it for today’s word submission to Moving Delirium.

  18. hey, my comment cut off! To finish –

    It’s pretty pretentious, however, so if you see a young (under 35) lawyer using it, you might want to consider a different lawyer. Present company excluded. I rock. 😉

  19. lol, it means you’re an attorney. I like the lasers.

  20. do what you want, it loads slow for me and is slow to switch to the next blog. it makes me sad :-( but only a little!

  21. My son loves the lasers. I would be interested in the addition of some laser cats.

    Esquire after your name means you subscribe to the magazine. I had one for 24 months. It was awesome.


    Whit, Hustler

  22. Keep the friggin lasers. Tell your readers to get broadband.

  23. You know how I feel about the lasers.

  24. It loads just fine for me. But I blog at work and we have warp speed internet.

    I like the flashy eyes of death.

  25. Keep the lasers and don’t think insufferable is the word for you. LOL

    I didn’t find it that slow to load…. maybe everyone just needs to upgrade their connections to cable and we’re good!

    Down with Dial Up!!!

  26. OK, I am a web designer. And unless you have a little sniffer that detects browsers/flash thingees, and then decides that I don’t have flash and loads up a gif (which doesn’t make sense, because I *do* have flash), then you don’t use flash, the image is a gif.

    I downloaded said image, and it’s only 125k. That is perfectly reasonable for a header like that. If something is slowing things down, I would say it’s not the header. It’s more likely the connection to the db that holds all the blog guts or the code that spits it all out on the page.. the flickr banner might weigh it down too.. could be bandwidth from wherever it’s hosted.. maybe the ads are on a slow connection.. but I think your header is pretty light. Definitely not the culprit.

    Even if it was, don’t lose it, it’s like.. the epitome of what this site IS! :)

  27. oh my LORD i found the culprit! email me!

  28. I don’t think it’s Ian’s lasers. The site started loading a lot slower a month or two ago, and Ian’s always had lasers. I don’t know what changed, but it would take forever to load.

    I’d hate to see the lasers go, but I would love to be able to pop over here more often for some instant Sarah gratification.

  29. Love the lasers. Can you make it 3D? I’ll wear the glasses;-)

  30. My vote is to keep the lasers… alter it slightly and have them bounce off you and hit the Washington monument.

  31. Like I have anything better to do than watch the header load.

    Yes, lasers. More lasers. And, yes, even more lasers.

  32. Michelle says:

    I agree with many readers, the lasers never slowed it down before, it seems to be something in that last couple of months. Though as you know it makes my home computer crash every time I open you site. Hope you can fix it while still keeping the lasers.

  33. Whoa– I didn’t understand a WORD of what Raine said but next time I have a problem that’s who I’m writing.

    The lasers are way cool. Plus, they show boys the way they really are. I should add three sets to MY page instead of having the boys look all angelic and shit.

  34. Frank Sucks says:

    Have had no problem, but I agree with raine, its prob. something with all your content, and where its coming from.

  35. How could you possibly ditch the lasers? Ain’t no WAAAY. After spending time with you in Chicago I’m even more certain that a laser is a great metaphor for your energy and humor. GO for it….

  36. i never had a problem with your site loading until you revamped it–what was that? a month or so ago? there must be something other than the laser eyes–which i vote for keeping–afoot.

    i don’t know if this helps, but at home (where i have broadband, and i very new imac) i have trouble loading you and vodkarella…at work, where i use a million-year-ol p.c. which takes 3 minutes just to open microsoft word…i have no problem with either page.

    also, as might be obvious right now, i have no idea what i’m talking about. just sharing my experience.


  37. I love everything about your header, but the laser eyes most of all. I hope they get to stay!

  38. The header is cool. The esq. is indeed, as people said, indicative of lawyering.

  39. I have never had trouble with pages loading too slowly. Hmmmm… (The lasers are rad.)

  40. I am concerned about why I am still a tree. I don’t worry about no stinkin’ lasers and esq’s, yo.

  41. When I was getting very slow loading times recently, it was Flickr that my computer was hanging up on — which I assume was a problem with the photos under your header. (Camino shows me what site it’s currently trying to contact, even if that’s not the site I’m actually visiting at the moment.) I had my browser set to only display Flash animations once on any given page, so your header was definitely not the problem for me.

    That said, if you think it may be a problem for others, you might change your own settings so the animation only happens once and is static thereafter. Then we wouldn’t lose the awe-inspiring laser beams and exploding head, but you could still see if that improved load times for some people. Anyone who wants to see it again and again could just sit on your site pressing refresh all day.

    Not that I would ever do that.

  42. Love the laser. Loads totally quickly (but I also often just read in bloglines). Am sorry to be replying late. Have been camping and am behind. I’m sure I’ll have other pithy information to give you as I catch up on all the SATGS posts. (BTW, you ever just drop the T and go by SAGS? That would hit too close to home for me.)

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