You People Just Aren’t Right

Yesterday I asked for your input on my second traffic experiment. I asked you to come up with a term that would bring traffic to my site.

It is very interesting to take a look into the minds of my readers.

I’ll let you see for yourselves.

Arwen said: Chocolate Chip Cookies that make you fart, poot, toot or pass gas.

Kellyology gave me two: asshole bleaching or bleaching your asshole and 4-year-old soccer. I would say she is covering both ends of the spectrum.

Michele gives us: “Under my skirt” “fat naked chick” and “fat pregnant naked chick”.

Chase gave me several (mostly upsetting) options: ‘vagina taste’…but just today so far I’ve gotten ‘girls tasting ass’ and ‘taste of female piss’…. anything disgusting with the word “taste” in it. Or boobs. I get lots of hits for ‘tig ol bitties’ and ‘double d boobs’.

Luther suggests: Can you get high from smoking a hemp skirt?

Tastes Like Crazy is going with a classic: boobs.

ktjrdn gave me: duct tape prom dress and AOL is a virus

Emily goes out on a limb with reindeer poop.

Papa Bradstein, this guy is a smart one. Check this out: Ahmadinjead Uses iPhone to Take Picture of Britney’s Boobs, Bleached Ass and Sends Taste to Lindsay Lohan, Plus Posts on MySpace.

Whit is on the same page as Mr. Bradstein: Pregnant Miley Cyrus and Nude Vanessa Hudgens in sex tape scandal with gay Zac Efron and Kim Possible.

Floreksa gave me one I’ve never even heard of: Removing Vongo

Ree says: Do grasshopper legs taste like chicken?

De in D.C. has a good one: edible underwear panties red.

You can call me Sir did some research: is my ass haunted by pirates?

Elizabeth (clearly a better citizen than the rest of you perverts) gave me: baby names that end in y .

Paula the Surf Mom says: you should try outing Marsha and Jan Brady as lesbians

Tammy says: Try something to do with moms that make their sons wear dresses or panties, or husbands that wear panties. Using the word forced in these sentences will help out alot, you know “forces son/husband to wear panties/dresses”.

Jill offers: how about catapult pumpkins or catapult midgets or is Sara Sidle dead. That should get some hits tonight anyway.. ummm… homemade dildo ?

Kate (who says she gets two because she has twins) gave me: “poop on boobs” and “snuggle boobs feast”

Patois has a good one: Bush visits Britney’s breastfeeding pictures in Facebook.

NG has two that make me uncomfortable: was mr rogers in prison and sharp shooting crotch pain

The Other Bear gives us: aunty’s breast milk

Suburban Oblivian says: Oblivion boobs” or “oblivion hooker”, trust me on this.

XDM wanted to add: Pregnant Pounders

Devra: We get a bunch of folks searching “panties” and “what does schmuck mean”, and later she added “naked barbie” or “panties image search”.

Geena from Perpetual Exhaustion added: mommy tampon aunt flo

Busy Mom must get a lot of hits for Wiggle related search terms. She said: Anything with the Wiggles

Karen’s entry is: boy enemas.

Sassymonkey swears by edible underwear. Wait – that came out wrong.

Samantha Jo from Back to Me said: Getting spanked by a semi is my ace-in-the-hole.

Velocibadgergirl from Pardon the Egg Salad is going with Kat von D’s boobs. I have no idea what that means.

Suebob was really thinking about this. She said: I get hits every single day from “peeing pants stories.” But I would vote for “Scarlet Johanson tits” or something spelled wrong like that. That way you would get the pervy bad spellers, which, I think, are probably a large portion of the population.

I am just going to cut and paste Kara’s (Fear and Loathing in Stepford) entire comment:

My #1 hit of all time STILL is “I saw my first penis”

For you, I say: camels eating generic viagra with their toes in bed with the olsen twins and lindsay lohan and paris hilton and rush limbaugh and a few tranny hookers… and mitt romney.

You heard it here, folks.

Phoenix kept it simple: Nature’s Porn.

Trish says that: my old blog used to get hundreds of hits from people searching for:
Huge lactating nipples. This week I’m getting hits from: how to deal with my idiot ex-husband.

Redneck Mommy said: Don’t forget “Redneck”, “mommy’s boobs” and “duct tape.”

Sunshine (…and the pursuit of happiness) said: I did a post about a wedding party where they all had huge boobs and I still get search terms for “Double D’s” and “Ginormous boobies” all the time. Many of those searches come from our South American friends…it’s a global fetish.

Casey (who is unlikely to win this contest, but she already has a satgs key chain bottle opener anyway) thought long and hard (*snort* long and hard) and came up with: lesbian cucumber sandwich.

Gidge gets a lot of hits for: gorrilla bakes poop cookies. Or so she says. I wonder if it would work if you said gorilla with one r? I wonder if it would work with pee cookies?

Wait – she just changed hers to GORILLA POOPS NO BAKE COOKIES. Close, but so different. So so sooooooo different.

Helena from Thrice Blessed Momma swears that she ot a hit from ‘in the gyno stirrups’ and then she felt dirty.

The Queen of Shake Shake gets a lot of traffic from talking about Mike Rowe being naked, crack whore videos, skid mark panties and Queen of Farts.

Ali from Cheaper Than Therapy blew my mind with Homer Simpson vagina tattoo.

Nicole came in late and added Britney Spears vagina. I think she has a shot with that one.

MP gets a lot of hits for dropped puppy, dead baby in car and little boys peeing. Yikes.

I am Jack’s Raging Mommy (by far my favorite blog name) said poon squad, and made me laugh really hard.

Mommy at Work , owner of the #1 hit on Google if you type in “how to look slutty”, says Mommy got milk.

Now remember, this is a contest. It may take a while, so I am not going to pick a winner until December 1st. You still have time to get involved. If you leave a suggestion here or in the comments on the last post I will keep adding them.

ps – Here are a few of my own: Ann Coulter and jews, The Office Pam no shirt, butt nugget, fart blossom, Project Runway Season 4.

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  1. Hey, it’s not that we’re not right. We just know that most people doing google searches are all kinds of screwed up.

    Well.. maybe it’s us too.

  2. Heh heh heh. I cannot wait to see the results!

  3. Suburban Oblivion says:

    “Oblivion boobs” or “oblivion hooker”, trust me on this.

  4. Man! I’m sorry I missed this or I would have suggested “Pregnant Pounders.”

  5. We get a bunch of folks searching “panties” and “what does schmuck mean”

  6. how about mommy tampon aunt flo (don’t ask lol)

  7. I get a lot of “boy enema”.

  8. You will get hits on edible underwear. I promise. Not that I would know anything about that….maybe…

  9. We are a sick bunch. I got this one the other day: lick her ish

    Mr. Hot and I do not want to know.

  10. “Getting spanked by a semi” is my ace-in-the-hole. And I share it with you.

  11. I get tons of hits for “Kat von D’s boobs.” I have never talked about her boobs, but that doesn’t seem to matter to Google!

  12. Redneck Mommy says:

    Don’t forget “Redneck”, “mommy’s boobs” and “duct tape.”

    Yah, I get all the fun people finding me….

  13. #1 Oh my god Dec. 1st is forever from now!
    #2 I got anal bleaching covered:

  14. My #1 hit of all time STILL is “I saw my first penis”

    For you, I say: camels eating generic viagra with their toes in bed with the olsen twins and lindsay lohan and paris hilton and rush limbaugh and a few tranny hookers… and mitt romney.

    You heard it here, folks

  15. Sarah, just go with Nature’s Porn. 95 percent of mine come from people looking for that. People are just sick.

    I like Ree’s too.

  16. I had a migraine yesterday and I just laid around thinking of search terms and I decided on “lesbian cucumber sandwich”.

  17. Well, “gorrilla bakes poop cookies” is always good on my hit list.
    Ty that one.

  18. No I was wrong,it’s GORILLA POOPS NO BAKE COOKIES.

    That is the one that gets ALL THE HITS.

  19. in the gyno stirrups – That’s what brought someone to my blog today. Kinda creepy when I looked at all the other things that came up at the same time. Makes me want to go take a shower. I feel dirty, oh so dirty.

  20. try “naked barbie” or “panties image search”

  21. Britney spears’ vagina

  22. Am I too late? Dammit. GIving you the first few on my sitemeter anyway…

    Nevermind. They are way too nasty.

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