Archives for December 2007

Not Polite in Any Culture

Last night Ian crawled into bed with us at about 4:00 am. He curled up with me and went back to sleep. At about 6:30 he woke up and was all cute and cuddly and warm and he said: “Mommy, you are stinky!” I sort of woke up: “What?” Then he clarified: “You are smelly. […]

Don’t Play Wii Golf with Three Year Olds

Just trust me on this one. Three holes took four people about 45 minutes. Yes, we got a Wii for Christmas and it rules. I also got a GPS that has a British accent,* a new hot water heater, a new toilet and a washer and dryer. We don’t technically have the washer and dryer yet, […]

Never Underestimate the Power of the Dark Side

Me: You know who he looks like in with that metal bowl on his head? Gabe: Who? Me: That guy who underestimates the power of the dark side. You know, his lack of faith is disturbing. Gabe: General Veers?* Me: Yeah! That guy. ____ Speaking of Star Wars,  Claudia told me that if I was […]

What’s Up Doc? Can We Rock?

Gabe:  Where are the rest of those presents? Me: I already wrapped them. Gabe: Already? Me: Yes. I am a very fast wrapper. Gabe: Like Fu-Schnickens. Rabbit season, duck season, rabbit season, duck season. Me: Word.

Grandma Christ Superstar

Ian is sobbing at the top of the stairs. He is laying there in a puddle. He is inconsolable. Why? Because Grandma is in the shower. Seriously. My kid is losing his mind because he woke up and his grandmother (even though she is in town and in his house) is not immediately available. My […]

It Isn’t That I Don’t Dig the Hello Kitty

As much as I like all of the Hello Kitty crap that someone somewhere is making a killing off of here is one thing I just cannot get behind. The Hello Kitty Waffle Maker: Ewww. The waffles look like little turds. The guy in Target looked at me like I was insane when he saw […]

Randomness Part 98

True story: my real life friend Jeff is hiring Boy Shakira to “play” his friend’s birthday party: Britt sent me this link from College Humor. It is captioned “I‘m worried that Tommy’s crunking is starting to interfere with his schoolwork.” Have you guys ever heard of swording? Seriously LHM is a prodigy at opening a […]

One More Thing I Never Thought I Would Say

“Do NOT hit the microwave with that baseball bat”. Seriously, nobody should ever have to say that again.

Hey Oprah, Get Up Off ‘Em

I think Oprah is stalking me. First I start reading The Road and a week later Oprah makes it her book club suggestion, then the other day I mention Eat, Pray, Love and now this. She is in my head! Quick. Is she behind me right now? Is that her in the unmarked car across […]

Why You Shouldn’t Let Me Guest Blog

I just tell stupid jokes, talk about Bob Guccione and trash the place. THAT is why you shouldn’t let me guest blog. Well, the joke still makes me laugh. Every. Single. Time.

Just ONE of the Reasons 3 Year Olds Probably Shouldn’t Watch Futurama

The bedtime ritual in the House of Goon Squad involves bathing, the brushing of teeth, the putting on of pajamas and then watching a TiVoed episode of “Futurama“. It is fun for the whole family. All four of us like this show. Most of the time, even though the humor might be a little bit […]

Happy Birthday to Me

Yes, today I am 35. 35. That kind of seems like a lot, doesn’t it. Anyway, no need to buy me anything, but for my gift I do ask you to do one of two things (it will cost you nothing but pride). Either: 1) Click on one of my ads – the BlogHer ad […]