Motherhood is So Glamorous (Insert Sarcasm Emoticon Here)

I don’t mean for this to become a blog all about shoving things in people’s butts, but I need to vent about this somewhere and you, the dear internet, are a captive audience.

(Is that apostrophe in the right place in people’s butts? I mean, they are the butts of the people, right? I suck at grammar, I cannot believe I do this for money.)

Motherhood is so glamorous isn’t it? In the last 24 hours I have had the privilege of shoving two kinds of medicine into one of my children’s buttholes and a completely different sort of medicine into the other ones.

I have also been vomited on, snotted on, screamed at, kicked and I spent most of the middle of the night in a toddler bed. (I spent the rest of it in the recliner.)

Did I mention I just kissed Ian’s head and I’m pretty sure I kissed puke in the hair.

Yet somehow I still like my job. I wish Claudia wasn’t sick and I wish Ian didn’t have to go through this crappy kind of recovery, but it is still all worth it.

Now hopefully the next 20 years will involve less suppositories.

I promise to talk about something else tomorrow.

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  1. Your playing on your Nintendo Wii right now, aren’t you?

  2. That does sound pretty glamorous…

    Hope everyone is better soon!

  3. To avoid the apostrophe problem, you could just say, “… shoving things in the butt of people,” or, “… shoving two kinds of medicine into the hole of the butt of one of my children and a completely different sort of medicine into the hole of the butt of the other child.”

    You will notice that I also took the liberty of changing the last word of that paragraph from “ones” to “child.” You should at least add an apostrophe to THAT word, or it implies mutiple buttholes as opposed to the butthole belonging to the other one.

  4. Alison will appreciate the complexity of this grammar problem. We should send it to Drusilla Edwards, our “precision language” professor at OU. Back before there were blogs, people called in their questions to her GRAMMAR RADIO SHOW. I would love to hear her analysis of the best way to clearly yet correctly discuss two buttholes belonging to the children of one person and involving three types of medicine. It’s quite a puzzle.

  5. You know it’s too late for you. You’ve done it. There is a whole herd of Googlers out there looking for information on suppositories, enemas, and how to have fun with them. Now they’re all going to find you. I know, because for some reason I also seem to discuss suppositories a lot.

  6. I’m just glad that they’re both recovering well. I loved that thumbs-up photo of Ian earlier in the week! (Yes, I’m just catching up. Oh well!)

    Gene Weingarten would also be a good person to consult regarding the grammar problem and the “butts of people.” I think. :-) I mean, he wouldn’t have an answer or anything, but he would probably laugh with you about it.

  7. I can only imagine what search terms will be bringing people over to visit thanks to your recent posts… Ha!

    Hope they are better soon!

  8. The glamour of motherhood will JUST ABOUT kill you if you let it.

  9. Ick. So sorry you and your kids are going through this. If it makes you feel any better, you can go over to my blog and read about how we’ve been picking bugs off my daughter’s head all year.

    Yes, motherhood is very glamorous.

  10. my kid decimated the carpet in my bedroom today. so I feel a little of your pain. I also have a haiku for tomorrow all in honor of the joys of the smells of parenting. sigh.

  11. Mom at Work says:

    I had no idea the wide variety of therapies that could be administered into the butts of the people.

  12. My advice; start drinking – heavily…

  13. “I cannot believe I do this for money.”

    Oh, if I had a nickel for every time you’ve said that.

    I think you’re sucking the wrong kind of grammar, by the way. Start sucking Kelsey Grammer, and you might yield some impressive cash.

  14. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    Not to get all Latin literature on your ass, but to paraphrase Euripides, “…a [person] without children is fortunate in [their] misfortune”. I get the impression that he probably endured kid-puke at some point, too.

  15. I suppose (heh heh, I said suppose) you could refer to it as “their collective butt” however I am not a grammar person. Aviva is a grammar person, so I’ll ask her and report back to you.

    It’s terrible that Ian is having this hellish recovery, particularly since I willed just the opposite. Let me know if you need some voodoo performed. I’m fairly good at it. Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone.

  16. I said the smae thing to my husband last night as I scrubbed vomit out of the carpet. In all fairness, he had just picked up all of the undigested corn that spewed all over.

    It is one sexy gig.

  17. Wow. I’m pulling things out of a butt, not putting things in. (Is it worse?) xo

  18. a day w/o drool and snot on our hands…faces…shirts…huh, what a concept!

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