Doctor, Doctor Gimme the News

Oh. Good. God.

So I go to the doctor. Well, we go to the doctor. (Just one of the joys of being a stay at home mom.) As soon as I check in Claudia has to pee in the potty. Don’t get me wrong, I love it that she is peeing in the potty (finally) but it occurs to me that she is much more likely to pee in the potty if we are in public. The more inconvenient it is the more she is potty trained.

She successfully pees and her brother successfully washes his hands three times for no apparent reason.

We go back into the office and eventually they call us in.

I am thinking that this is going to be pretty simple. I tell the nice man that I coughed so hard that I pulled a muscle and he will give me some cough medicine with codeine in it and we will all be happy.

Not so.

He asks me about 1000 question then tells me I need to go downstairs to get an x-ray. They want to make sure that I don’t either have pneumonia or a hole in my lung.

A HOLE IN MY LUNG? Holy shit. Really?

So the kids and I go down to the radiology center and as I am filling out all the forms for this place the lady at the desk asks me if I have anybody with me to watch the kids, because they can’t go back with me to get my x-ray.

Now three of us are panicking: me because what the hell am I going to do with my kids, Claudia because she has no interest in staying in the waiting room with a bunch of strangers while I go in the back, and Ian because he is set on seeing what I look like on the inside.

I do the only think I can think of to do. I call my in-laws. I don’t even know if they are in the state or not. Amazingly, they have just arrived home and are immediately available and live five minutes away.

This is part where I brag and tell you that I have the best in-laws in the universe and everybody should have married Gabe. I encourage all single people to rush out and try to marry Gabe’s sister immediately. No joke. There is no way I could have done better in the in law department and I fell in love with Gabe before I even met these people.

So, Gabe’s parents show up at the radiology lab less than 10 minutes after the lady (who looked so much like Petunia that I couldn’t help staring) told me that I couldn’t take the kids in with me. Then they whisked the children off and fed them lunch.rib cage costochondritis

It gets very boring from here on out, but I will tell you this:

1) It took to long that I missed my 1:00 conference call.

2) I don’t have a hole in my lung or pneumonia.

3) I got my cough medicine with codeine. (Woo hoo!) Plus a prescription for Motrin and an antibiotic.

4) I was diagnosed with costochondritis* which is an “inflammation of the cartilage that attaches the ribs to the breastbone“. It is both gross and painful, but thankfully not a big deal, and I will live.

5) I’m already feeling better. I should have gone to the doctor last week.

* Not to be confused with Costcochondritis, which if I’m not mistaken is what happens when you go to a Warehouse Club to buy toilet paper and a big ass thing of dog food and you come home with 12 DVDs, a huge multi-pack of twix bars, a set of towels and a new couch but you forget the toilet paper.

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  1. twix. yum.
    My IL’s would have done the following: my MIL would have gotten very worried about me and then had a minor breakdown about how my illness effects her and then she would have taken a double dose of Xanax or some other goody she takes and then I wouldn’t have trusted her with my child. My father IL is actually cool but is attached to the other one and he enables her bad bad behavior.

  2. Bizarre…I pulled a muscle from coughing but it WAS pneumonia.

    I have never heard of THAT before…..trust you.

  3. My dad calls Costcochondritis “The 200 Dollar Club”-itis

  4. My wife had that when she was 26 weeks pregnant. She said it was more painful than the birth of our son. Hope you get well soon. Perhaps your in-laws would at to their greatness and take the kiddies for a couple of days so can recoup.

  5. I’ve had costochondritis and yes, it is painful. Really painful. Not that I need to tell you that. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

  6. Sheese, never even heard of it. Yea for codeine (um, and cough medicine).

  7. Sarah, geez, sorry you have that. I was diagnosed with it about fifteen years ago (FTR, that was NOT my mid-20s, I was ummm 10, yeah, that’s right, 10). That really freaking hurt! I couldn’t lift my rib cage to breathe properly. It felt like suffocation.

    Sorry you are suffering with this. Man, that stinks, it’s a lot of pain.

    Hope you feel better soon!!!

  8. My mom has that disease in the last bit. The give-away is a glazed look while repeating “But I saved $17!!”

    Hope you’re feeling better soon!

    Also, I’m jealous of your in-law-ness. My father-in-law is great, but the mother-in-law is a little psycho. Trade?

  9. You’re right about Costcochondritis. I came home today with a set of pillows. What? I needed pillows. (after I saw them)

    Man, I would have phrased the hole in the lung a little better. Doctors.

  10. Um, I hate you because now I have the song from the title stuck in my head. Thanks a lot.

    But I am glad that you are feeling better! Costochondritis is not fun at all…although I almost pulled a muscle laughing when I read about costcocondritis!

  11. Thank god it was the former and not that latter.

  12. Glad to hear that your lungs haven’t gone all Titanic on you. And hey, you were right about getting the codeine–you’re funny as hell now. But, of course, you were before too. Hope you feel as well as you did before this all came down soon.

  13. Oh sure. Codeine is fine for you but tequila isn’t.

  14. I don’t think me marrying Gabe’s sister would be legal in most states, but if she is up for it, I will give it a try just to score the good in-laws.

    I had costochon….oh whatevs, too – but I thought I was having a heart attack.

  15. Glad you’re all fixed up. I could call my in-laws too, but have you heard how hard it is to get out of their country?

  16. JamesMommy says:

    Feel better! I, too, suffer from a chronic case of Costcochondritis….and now, thanks to you, I know what it’s called.

  17. Potty training is an annoying pain in the butt. Neither twin has to pee until we are already running late. If we are running REALLY late, then one of the insists on having an accident. I never thought diapers could look so appealing.

    I have Costco-a-tosis. That is the strain where you will buy anything that they give you a sample of. Then you get home and wonder what exactly one does with a case of basil marinated lemon peel.

  18. Oh man, Sarah. That sucks. But I’m glad you know what it is now, that you have such amazing in-laws, etc.

    Let me know if I can bring you guys dinner or some such thing this week. (And hopefully you’ll be recovered enough to make it Saturday!)

  19. Glad you’re on the mend! And, you’ve helped me realize that I have Targetchondritis. Can you get codeine for that?

  20. Either way, girl? OW!

  21. Ow! At least you got the cough medicine.

    And yeah, awesome in-laws. When mine are in town, they’re also just as quick to respond.

  22. I feel the need to fake some symptoms to get an X-ray at your doctor’s office so I can see this woman for myself.

    Glad that you are on the road to feeling better.

  23. I went to the doctor once, vomitting uncontrollably, shortly after Louis was born. I drove myself and Scott stayed home with our new baby bcse we didn’t want him in the dirty old doctors office.
    After I got there, they shot me up with phenergan. Then said “you need to go to ER…..who is here with you?” I say no one. They say “oh well you can’t DRIVE…….”
    Ummmm, what?
    Assholes.

  24. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    OK. So, what’s Gabe’s sister’s number?

  25. Congrats on the good drugs and having super duper awesome inlaws…

  26. and i have a simiilar disease: targetcondritus.

    it sucks.
    but, wooooooo codiene. make sure to post as much as possible!

  27. Costcocondritis! Hahahahahahahaha, I’ve had that before, many times.

  28. So glad you’re doing better, and that you have such great in-laws. So, is Gabe’s sister available?

  29. Glad you’re feeling better.

  30. so…gabe’s sister?

    ahem.

  31. Hi,
    Just randomly searching through blogs and saw yours. It’s funny about the potty training thing. I am going through the same things with my 2 year old daughter. She finally went #2 today in the potty which was a big deal but she always wants to go when we are out..ick ick ick. I live in Northern Va too-love it here..Good luck with everything!

  32. Dude, I think I had that condition a few months after my daughter was born. Now I have a name for it! It was this awful, horrible pain and a little swelling where a couple of ribs meet my breastbone. It hurt like hell, but I convinced myself it was just from bouncing the baby (yeah, right). Life was just too insane to take myself to the doctor.

    Glad you’re basically okay. And, yes, you have the best in-laws in the world. That’s so lucky, to have help you trust so close by.

    -Lea at Quick Serve Kids

    P.S.–LOL at Costcochondritis. Now we have a good word for that condition, from which my husband and I have also suffered…. We call it a door charge, as in it’s $125 just to walk in. At Target, the door charge is $75.

  33. I have chronic costochondritis, and have since I was about 13. It comes and goes, from just a mild soreness to bad enough that I can draw a breath. But I never got codeine for it. Damn.

    I had a condition similar to Costco-chondritis as well, since I have BJ’s Wholesale Club instead of Costco about half a mile from my house.

  34. I am feeling very sad because codeine makes me throw up. I don’t get to say “yay codeine.” :(

    In addition, I have just learned that the daily meds I am on for depression reduce or eliminate the efficacy of codeine anyway.

    However, I also know that morphine does *not* make me throw up. So I’ll just go straight for that, thanks. 😀

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