Questions for You, Questions for Me

I’ve been in a writing slump lately. I’m not sure why attending blogging events does that to me but it seems to happen every time. So I was going through my drafts folder and I found a half of a mailbag post. As is it isn’t worth posting but I would be happy to add to it if any of you have any questions to add.

In the meantime I will pose a few question to you:

Question mark

1) Is anything more boring than waiting around to sign for a FedEx package for someone else?

2) Who is the most annoying person on television?

2b) Who is the most annoying cartoon character?

3) Does anyone know of a non-surgical magic way to get rid of my beer belly? I am trying diet and exercise but they take too long. Plus it is hard.

4) Could Ian die from eating too many strawberries or are we just dealing with a diarrhea situation here?

5) Why is it so hard to get Amazon.com to ship something to Canada? Does Amazon hate Canadians?

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  1. “Does Amazon hate Canadians?”

    Why should Amazon be different from the rest of us?

  2. Question for you: If you could have a do over for anything in your life, would you take the chance to do it a different way and change the outcome? Or just stick with the way it is now?

    1) Watching paint dry is pretty boring. But waiting for the FedEx dude isn’t very exciting either.

    2) David Caruso. I have no idea why he makes me nuts, but he does, every time. I’m not sure who the most annoying cartoon character is…I don’t know that I could pick just one.

    3) I have no good solution. But if you get any good hints I’m all ears!

    4) I don’t think that you can die form eating too many strawberries.

    5) No idea. I am most unhelpful!

  3. 1 – Oy. And you don’t even get the excitement of getting to open the package.

    2 – The dude who does the OxyClean and those knive commercials. Thank god for a DVR.

    2b – You mean besides Caillou?

    3 – No, but let me know if you find out anything. Mine is just a belly though, no beer involved (sadly). But I’ve had the bloody thing for 7yrs now.

    4 – Depends if they’re organic or conventional strawberries. I’d guess he could die form over-ingestion of pesticides, but it would take a lot of berries.

    5 – Beats me, but they shipped something to Iraq for my sister.

    (Can you tell I have deadlines at work?)

  4. 3) Time travel spell.

    Well. You did ask for a magical way.

  5. I LOVE Q&A time…

    1) Is anything more boring than waiting around to sign for a FedEx package for someone else?
    YES!! WATCHING SOMEONE ELSES 7 YEAR OLD PLAY AN ORGAINIZED SPORT

    2) Who is the most annoying person on television?
    HILARY CLINTON

    2b) Who is the most annoying cartoon character?
    VICKY ON FAIRLY ODD PARENTS

    3) Does anyone know of a non-surgical magic way to get rid of my beer belly? I am trying diet and exercise but they take too long. Plus it is hard.
    NO BUT PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU FIND OUT

    4) Could Ian die from eating too many strawberries or are we just dealing with a diarrhea situation here?
    I DON’T THINK HE’LL DIE MAYBE HE’LL TURN RED

    5) Why is it so hard to get Amazon.com to ship something to Canada? Does Amazon hate Canadians?
    YES

  6. 1) Yes, church, because while waiting for the FedEx guy I could be reading a book.
    2) Tom Shane of The Shane Company. Wait, that’s the radio
    2b) I’ll go old school and say Woody Woodpecker
    3) It’s a radical procedure and I don’t recommend it because it involves NOT drinking beer.
    4) So long as they’re not any of those e-coli strawberries, I think you’re just looking at excess fiber/seed shits
    5) If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance of other cultures and Canadians.

  7. 1) Can you open the package once FedEx delivers it, at least?

    2a) Joe Thiesmann, Douchefucker.

    2b) I kind of want to punch Arthur in the face.

    3) I plan to shoot hot milk out of my chest for a few months, that usually seems to work. Temporarily. Otherwise, maybe the stomach flu?

    4) Could you die from too much diarrhea?

    5) Why are you shipping to Canada?

  8. 1) Is anything more boring than waiting around to sign for a FedEx package for someone else?
    Nope, I don’t think so. Unless it’s waiting for someone else’s cable repair guy.

    2) Who is the most annoying person on television?
    Paul Schafer on the David Letterman show. I’m Canadian and it embarrasses me that he is too!

    3) Does anyone know of a non-surgical magic way to get rid of my beer belly? I am trying diet and exercise but they take too long. Plus it is hard.
    If you get a good answer, please let me know!

    4) Could Ian die from eating too many strawberries or are we just dealing with a diarrhea situation here?
    Yeah, I think you might be in for a bit of diarrhea. My in-laws call it the “green apple grizzlies”. Although they freely admit they’ve never seen anyone eat enough green apples to get diarrhea.

    5) Why is it so hard to get Amazon.com to ship something to Canada? Does Amazon hate Canadians?
    I truly believe they do. If you could do something about that, I’d appreciate it. I keep sending things to a friend’s parents and then they ship it on to me. Annoying.

  9. 1. What if the Fed Ex guy is Brad Pitt, and he brings you a box with a cake in it that says “Congratulations on f*#king Ben Affleck”? That might spice things up a little.

    2. Is Carson Daly still on TV? I don’t stay up late enough to find out. Also, some of those reality show “stars” sort of bother me, like Omarosa and Johnny Fairplay and that really whorey girl from Real World: Vegas, Trishelle.

    2.b. I think it’s a tie between those stupid kids from DragonTales and Caillou, with those twerps from “Little Einsteins” trailing them only slightly.

    3. If you find one let me know.

    4. I am not an expert, but I’m thinking he probably won’t actually die, but diarrhea is not a lot of fun.

    5. You should call up Amazon and ask them if they hate Canadians.

  10. I have a limited amount of time so I’m just going with #5 – YES. ARGH. It is so damn frustrating! (Hi, I’m Canadian. And I want things that I cannot have because Amazon TAUNTS me.)

  11. 1) waiting for phone repair and cable repair people, especially after 3 days of automated calls after the assigned window that they are coming tomorrow.

    2) Amber on House & the DragonTales freak that yells “LOOOOOOVE IT!”

    3) Spanx, a strategically-placed belt with good dark jeans and standing up straight can substitute for diet and exercise in a pinch.

    4) ohhh, remember in Grapes of Wrath when they eat only grapes and get the “skitters”?

    5) I have family in Edmonton. I just Google Canadian e-commerce companies and buy a meager substitute

  12. 1) Is anything more boring than waiting around to sign for a FedEx package for someone else?
    ~ YES, MY JOB.

    2) Who is the most annoying person on television?
    ~ ANY ROCK OF LOVE GIRL

    2b) Who is the most annoying cartoon character?
    ~ ANY WONDER PET

    3) Does anyone know of a non-surgical magic way to get rid of my beer belly? I am trying diet and exercise but they take too long. Plus it is hard.
    ~ WITCHCRAFT.

    4) Could Ian die from eating too many strawberries or are we just dealing with a diarrhea situation here?
    ~ EEEWW … RED DIARRHEA.

    5) Why is it so hard to get Amazon.com to ship something to Canada? Does Amazon hate Canadians?
    ~ YES, THEY HATE CANADIANS AND THE ROCK OF LOVE GIRLS.

  13. 1) No.

    2) Gilbert Gottfried.

    2b) Anything from Dragontales.

    3) Duct tape.

    4) Major diarrhea. Death only if allergic without treatment.

    5) Yes. I believe they said, “What’s a Canada?”

  14. Anthony Bourdain bugs the crap out of me. I know you read his book but he just seems like a total sleaze to me – like he totally would want to get in my sister’s pants.

    Question for you: When, if ever, is it ever okay to admit to your spouse that they were right? Not that it’s going to happen anytime soon around here, I’m just askin’.

  15. Too late to answer questions. Will just say that the Answer to the Question: Do you love Sarah even with beer belly?

    ANSWER: YES, YES, YES

    But I call bullshit on the beer belly. Whatever.

  16. great questions, lol!

    I think ‘Little Einsteins’ on disney channel is so convoluted that it seems like it’s written by a committee of people…
    It’s obviously a good premise but there is so much going on that it almost doesn’t make sense.

  17. OH..and the other annoying person on TV: Conan O’Brien..
    I can’t stand him.

  18. Whoever said David Caruso was right on. He over-acts EVERYTHING.

  19. My Mom would kill me for telling people this, but strawberries give her wicked diarrhea. Like, it lasts for WEEKS.

  20. 1. Yes, waiting with someone else on their trip to the DMV.

    2a. Hasslelhoff on America’s Got Talent (my guilty pleasure, I hate to admit)

    2b. That little kid on Speed Racer (and his monkey).

    3. Ah, drink less beer. Oh nevermind, that’s just rediculous, ignore previous statement.

    4. He probably won’t die, but he might end up wanting to live in Plant City, so stop him immediately!!

    5. Everyone hates Canadians, eh?

  21. Stephanie says:

    1) Is anything more boring than waiting around to sign for a FedEx package for someone else?
    ———- depends on how hot the FedEx man is… might be worth it in the long run

    2) Who is the most annoying person on television?
    ———- anybody on the Yankees

    2b) Who is the most annoying cartoon character?
    ———- they all annoy me lately

    3) Does anyone know of a non-surgical magic way to get rid of my beer belly? I am trying diet and exercise but they take too long. Plus it is hard.
    ——– switch to vodka?

    4) Could Ian die from eating too many strawberries or are we just dealing with a diarrhea situation here?
    ——– me and Ian are in the same boat, he’s not 7 months pregnant too, or IS HE?

    5) Why is it so hard to get Amazon.com to ship something to Canada? Does Amazon hate Canadians?
    ——— same continent different country entirely…

  22. 1) Waiting for the end of the day right before a holiday when you’re the only one in the building and no one is calling and you have no work to do.

    2) Conan O’Brien (except i saw him with Martha Stewart and for once he was funny)

    2b) anything created after 1985.

    3) I lost some weight from my appendix once. but that included surgery. sorry.

    4) I think the second, although where on earth are you getting strawberries? I’m dying for some.

    5) that i have no idea about. sorry. eh?

  23. Add weight lifting to your work-out, about 30 mins or so. You’ll burn extra calories in between workouts because muscles burn calories all the time.

  24. Most annoying cartoon character is SpongeBob and I say that with nothing but love for the guy. I just can’t watch anymore, but Dawson loooooves him.

  25. 1) Is anything more boring than waiting around to sign for a FedEx package for someone else?
    Any kind of waiting sucks. Even if you’re waiting for something for yourself. I find that I just can’t concentrate if I’m waiting for the bell to ring.

    2) Who is the most annoying person on television?
    There’s a bloke on telly over here called Barry Scott who advertises “Cillit Bang” and he just shouts. Plus that’s not even his real name!

    2b) Who is the most annoying cartoon character?
    Spongebob. Without a doubt.

    3) Does anyone know of a non-surgical magic way to get rid of my beer belly? I am trying diet and exercise but they take too long. Plus it is hard.
    No. But why bother, just enjoy the beer and don’t worry about the belly.

    4) Could Ian die from eating too many strawberries or are we just dealing with a diarrhea situation here?
    Death is unlikely but his pooh might end up red. If it does, please don’t forget to blog it!!

    5) Why is it so hard to get Amazon.com to ship something to Canada? Does Amazon hate Canadians?
    I think Amazon have random countries to hate on a weekly basis.

  26. 1) Is anything more boring than waiting around to sign for a FedEx package for someone else?
    I don’t know about MORE boring than waiting for FedEx, but waiting in line at the post office somehow seems worse…

    2) Who is the most annoying person on television?
    There are so many to choose from, however Kelly Ripa is pretty irritating as well as Maury Povich.

    2b) Who is the most annoying cartoon character?
    I was recently introduced to Wow Wow Wubbzy – kill me now please.

    3) Does anyone know of a non-surgical magic way to get rid of my beer belly? I am trying diet and exercise but they take too long. Plus it is hard.
    You are preaching to the choir here!

    4) Could Ian die from eating too many strawberries or are we just dealing with a diarrhea situation here?
    I think I don’t even want to know 😉

    5) Why is it so hard to get Amazon.com to ship something to Canada? Does Amazon hate Canadians?
    Perhaps all of us lurkers can start a small business by buying things for Canadians and shipping it ourselves for a couple extra bucks…eh?

  27. 1. I’m sure there is. But I don’t want to find out.
    2a. Rachel Ray
    2b. Arthur’s sister DW
    3. No, but when you find out PLEASE let me know.
    4. I hate strawberries.
    5. Yes.

  28. 1) Is anything more boring than waiting around to sign for a FedEx package for someone else?
    —–Waiting for DHL. The DHL driver dilly dallies like no other international mail distribution company.

    2) Who is the most annoying person on television?
    —–Elisabeth Hasselbeck from “The View.”

    2b) Who is the most annoying cartoon character?
    —–Someone already said this: but ANY of the Wonder Pets. But if forced to get specific, I’d say Ming Ming, the baby-talking duck.

    3) Does anyone know of a non-surgical magic way to get rid of my beer belly? I am trying diet and exercise but they take too long. Plus it is hard.
    —–I’ve heard great things about the Ped-Egg. It’s supposed to be for feet, but you can use it to shave off several layers of your abdominal skin, too. Have Band-Aids handy!

    4) Could Ian die from eating too many strawberries or are we just dealing with a diarrhea situation here?
    ——Were the strawberries fields near any nuclear reactors?

    5) Why is it so hard to get Amazon.com to ship something to Canada? Does Amazon hate Canadians?
    ——Why don’t you refuse to ship something to Amazon, and see how THEY like it? That’ll show ’em.

  29. 1) Try reading an insurance newsletter because you ran out of insurance work to do. I can’t even keep my focus on the meaning of the words for an entire sentence.
    2) Most Annoying person on TV besides the president? How about every local news person ever.
    3)All asian cartoons
    4)Ian will die for sure but if he keeps overeating strawberries it won’t be from cancer.
    5)I was recently burned by Amazon and my grandfater was Canadian, Maybe I should sue.

  30. Just eat a parasite. Don’t chew it though swallow it whole.

  31. Beer Belly – Beer = Belly? :)

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