These Stories All End With “I Have to Go Potty.”

You know potty training is finally going really well.

*Furtively looks for wood to knock on*

But OH.MY.GOD. Could she pick more inappropriate times to have to pee?


“Okay Squad we are going to the post office and then to the store.”*

15 minutes later

“I’m serious. We’re going to the post office.”

30 minutes later

“We’re going to the post office as soon as I finish this post for BlogHer and then we are going to the grocery store.”

Three hours later. I am holding my purse. We are all wearing shoes.

“Let’s go!”

We all walk down the stairs. I begin to open the door and – “I have to go potty!”



We have finally made it to the grocery store. We have actually already been to the post office. (No seriously Geena. Your book is on its way. Finally.) We have gotten everything we needed to make lasagna.

I am on my way to the checkout counter and I am glad I am on my way out because the Goons are getting restless. Also I am sick to death of trying to maneuver that huge ass shopping cart with two steering wheels all over the store as they try to restock the place.

Score! There is no line in the one aisle I can actually fit through with that monstrosity of a cart.

“Mommy. I have to go potty.”


“Good night honey. I love you.”

“Good night Mommy.”

3 minutes later

“MOMMY! I need water!”

I bring her a glass of water.

Four minutes later.


Me – not even getting out of my chair “What?”


I go back to her room.

“Mommy, I um, I well… I um… my eye hurts. I can’t see.”

“Your eye hurts.”

“Yes. I can’t see.”

“What happened?”

“Um. I can’t open my eye.”

“Me. Well you don’t need to open your eye to sleep. Now close the other one. Good night. I love you. Go to sleep.”

One minute later.






I walk back to her room and give her “the look”. “What do you need?”

“I have to go potty.”

Of course you do.


*No that isn’t for your benefit. I actually call them Squad to their faces.

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  1. Mimi always tells me we have to go potty when we have a huge cart full of items and we’re at the absolute opposite end of Target from the restrooms. Then she’s whining the whole way through the store (because she really has to go) while I find a place to stash the cart. Good times.

  2. Ally’s favorite place to announce the need to pee is at restaurants and at unusually loud decibel levels, even for her.

    Ohh, the bedtime potty stall. Its a perfected act at our house, too.

  3. OMG, I have that same kind of conversation with Raisin almost every night at bedtime. Gah.

  4. The closest I can offer is that I need to go clean my toilets (bathrooms, really).

    Not quite the same.

  5. I have a great comment to leave, but — oops! I have to go potty!

  6. At least they tell you… I still have one that will pee in his pants no matter where we are.

    Oh the joys.

  7. I love how your response to “My eye hurts” is “You don’t need to open your eyes anyway.” That’s very practical thinking.

  8. Max calls them “The Goon Squad” too.

    Oh, and re: the wine I was drinking Wednesday night– Ravenswood California Zinfandel, 2005. Delicious, and economical, which is good since I drank like two bottles.

  9. I think my all-time favorite was when we had waited about a lifetime to get to the front of the line for Dumbo at Disneyland. What can you do? When you gotta go, you gotta go.

  10. So what did you make for dinner last night?

    I have to go potty.

  11. You know, I’m thinking that Cordy’s demand to stay in diapers isn’t such a bad thing right now…

  12. Be grateful that you’ve been home each of these times. My daughter only has to “go potty” when we’re out and about. I am intimately familiar with every public restroom within a 10 mile radius of our home.

  13. EVERY MEAL AT EVERY RESTAURANT is interrupted by multiple bathroom breaks.
    I have to go potty!
    In the early stages, I called it the public bathroom tour.
    I have seen them all!

  14. Mr. B has started that too. Not the potty thing as he is yet to be potty trained, but he wants the water after he is tucked in for the evening.

  15. thanks to my two we have pretty much checked out EVERY washroom in the Lower Mainland.

    I didn’t even KNOW safeway had public restrooms.

    And yeah..after we do stories, teeth, cuddles…night night..THEN they go pee.

  16. You know… I think my husband might be experiencing the same problems as you lately…. I constantly am “having to use the potty” before, during and after we do anything… he doesn’t understand pregnancy bladder at ALL

  17. I think that holding it really doesn’t happen until around 6 or 7.. have fun with that.. :-)

  18. OMG, this is my LIFE!! Three times, THREE TIMES!, during church yesterday I heard “Mommy, I need to go potty!” only to take her there and have her do nothing. Not even a tiny little drop.

  19. Why don’t you shake it up and the next time you are picking the Squad up at preschool insist you need to go potty and have Claudia take you.

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