More About Peeing on Stuff

Your comments slayed me yesterday. I can honestly say I cannot remember the last time my comment section made me laugh so hard.pee heart

So I vote we talk about pee again today.

And I have the only vote that actually counts.

Suckers.

So just for you I have more peeing stories. Behold!

1) When my brother was a baby one time my Mom was changing his diaper on the kitchen counter. (I have no idea why. That house must have had really great counter space.) Well, you know how it is when you cahnge a baby boy’s diaper, the air hit his junk and he peed. He peed in a huge arc and the urine went straight into my mother’s coffee cup which was on the opposite counter.

2) In college (this story isn’t nearly as nice as the last one) there was this car parked in the yard of the fraternity house across the street from the Acacia house. Once upon a time this car had been a hatchback but for some unknown reason it had no hatchback door. It was just open to the elements.hatchback

Obviously (to really drunk college students anyway) it became a place for extraordinarily drunk people to pee.

Yes. I peed in the hatchback.

And so did she.

3) Speaking of college, a sorority sister of mine who shall remain unnamed (it wasn’t Tammy) was very drunk and hooked up with some random guy. She woke up in the middle of the night and peed in his laundry basket. Another sister peed in her own garbage can.

4) And then there is this story. I took place one weekend when a bunch of my college friends (I’m sensing a theme here) all met in Orlando for a homecoming game. My friends, we will call them Bill and Jeff (because those are their names) were sharing a hotel room. This story takes place the morning after a long night of drinking.

Jeff: Just waking up. What time is is?

Bill: OH GOD! YOU KNOW?

Jeff: alarmed I know what?

Bill: I peed the bed!

This would be a lot less funny if we weren’t 30 when it happened. Or maybe it would be funnier. I suppose that is up to a debate.

5) Ian thinks that it is a hilarious joke to pee on my foot when we shower together. I do not share this joy.

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  1. Max has never peed on my foot in the shower, but he has peed on Dan’s foot in the shower.

    According to Dan, it’s a common Army cure for foot fungus to pee on your feet. Maybe Ian thinks you’ve got foot fungus.

  2. You can never get enough potty humor… I find its a great way to start my otherwise LONG AND TEDIOUS work day!!

    Why o’ Why do men (and little boys) find peeing in the shower to be such a delight?

  3. Okay, I’m kind of new here and at first I thought Ian was your husband and I was a little, um, freaked by your admission that he likes to pee on your foot!

  4. I am once again so sorry that I did not go to a college with sororities/fraternities.

    Art students pale in comparison, even though we had a bad reputation for being ART STUDENTS.

  5. Beer = peeing in inappropriate places.

    Where oh where did you get the pic of the heart shaped pee???

  6. You know, I’ve spent a lot of time lately consoling myself with the idea that everyone eventually gets potty trained, so I should stop worrying so much about Lumpyhead. After your last two posts and their comments, I’m starting to question that assumption.

  7. I’m sure I have drunken college sorority peeing stories, but I can’t think of them at the moment.

    Cordy has recently starting using the potty occasionally, and keeps calling it “be-uuuuu-ti-ful!” when she looks in the potty after she’s done.

  8. When I first gave birth to my son (second kid) I fancied myself an experienced mother.

    so when it came time for the first diaper change, I was all miss cocky-pants, “don’t worry, I can handle this.”

    But my first kid was a girl and I was not adequately prepared for the change in plumbing.

    So I took the diaper off and my barely 4-hour old son promptly pissed EVERYWHERE, including his swaddling and my bed, plus all over his own face.

    As I was struggling to find SOMETHING clean and dry to wipe him off, he decided to pass his meconium.

    I finally just threw in the towel and rang the call button for the nurse.

  9. Hoss just peed in the driveway a couple weeks ago, because he didn’t feel like taking the time to go inside and use the bathroom. Hubby was not amused. I laughed like hell, since it didn’t happen on my watch.

  10. After my last finals second semester of sophmore year, all my roomates and I went out and drank way too much. Coming home that night, I stripped off my pants to get into bed, only to realize that I had to vomit. I promptly when to the bathroom and vomited in the toilet, after which I passed out and fell onto the side of our bathtub, leaving me with a huge and nasty bruise on the side of my face.

    I woke later that night, unsure how I got into my bed, and I was soaking wet. I thought I was sweaty, so I got up, changed my shirt, and put down a towel, went back to sleep. It wasn’t until the AM (or early afternoon more likely) when I realized what I’d really done. I was not drenched in my own sweat, oh no I was not. For shame.

  11. I would also find it hilarious to pee on your foot.

    I’m amazed at how many peeing stories women seem to have.

  12. Poop and pee are easily the funniest parts about parenting. I sincerely hope they’re not the funniest parts about being 30 — at least for me. Though the thought of your college friend wetting the bed cracks me up.

  13. Um yeah… on my 3rd and very important date with my husband, we were both drinking like it was our last night and then I brought him back to my place which was within walking distance of the bar (I was classy), I ended up peeing on him during the night. I was amazed when he called again. Even more amazed that we got married.

  14. Shortman, when he was just night-time potty trained, got up one night to pee. He missed the door to the bathroom and came into our bedroom. He walked over to the table on his Dad’s side of the bed and peed onto the top of the clock radio.

    About another 3 inches and he’d have pissed right into his Dad’s face. And Mr. Hot is a mouth breather.

    Oh, and Melina? I feel your pain. I really do. Luckily, I married him about, oh, 15 years earlier. snort.

  15. What fun stuff to look forward to :)

  16. My friend, when she is drunk, doesn’t pee on things. She pukes in her sleep, on the bed, on the floor, in trash cans, but doesn’t remember until she gets up the next morning and yells out “it smells like puke.”

  17. I haven’t laughed this hard in a while…You got me with the heart-pee pic.

    My son, when he was, um 3 maybe?, dropped trau on the lawn of our church. Between services.

    Proud of that one, I tell you.

  18. Although I can’t beat my friends experience that I shared yesterday, I peed in our bath one day when there were builders in our yard, outside the toilet room window, so I went to the other side of the house and peed in the bath.

    And then sterilized it.

    And then showered.

    And then sterilized it again.

  19. Pee stories you want, pee stories you shall get.

    1. I have a friend Josh, who is responsible for at least 80% of the stupid stuff I did in high school. Probably 80% of the fun stuff also. When he was in college and drunk at a party he opened the host’s dishwasher and peed in it. Another time he peed on his dorm mate’s computer. He also got arrested during Mardi Gras for peeing in the street.

    2. In college after a party at our house there was a girl passed out in a chair in our living room and a guy sleeping on the couch. The guy woke up when the girl started to stir. She stood up from the chair, pulled down her pants, sat back down on the chair as if it was a toilet, peed, stood up, put her pants back on, sat back down and passed out again. Like any house of 3 college guys we didn’t get rid of the chair, instead we titled it “Pee Chair” and stopped using it. Occasionally someone new would come over and sit in it. When we moved we left “Pee Chair” in the basement, who knows where he is now?

    3. I new a girl named Annie. After leaving a concert we were stuck in traffic on the freeway, three lanes of cars not moving in either direction stuck in traffic. She really had to pee so she got out of the car, walked to the middle of the grassy median between the two lanes of not moving traffic, and peed.

    4. At a party in high school there were a bunch of guys down in the basement playing cards. As the night wore on some people got tired of going up stairs to use the restroom, so they started to pee in the cat litter box, that is what it is for after all. Soon it was full up to the top. Oops.

  20. This is for CAROLYN: I saw your note yesterday about the training potty in your van for your kids when they were little. I did the same thing! Only I put a disposable diaper inside the potty. No leaks when turning the corner! :-)

  21. My own pee story: My infant son peed in a nice big arc when I was changing him too. It hit the wall and ran down behind the changing table. This act known from that day forward as the Fountain of Youth.

  22. My husband pees on me in the shower. and he peed on my car once…wrote his effing name on it. and it took the (remaining) clear coat off. i won’t shower with him anymore bc i’m afraid the acidity of his excrement will melt my flesh.

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