June 30, 2008 | Parenting, The Blue One

I feel confident that I hold the world record for saying “Ian, please put your underpants back on.” more times than anyone else. Ever.

June 28, 2008 | Uncategorized

This One Kills Me

Originally uploaded by Sarah606

This picture exhibites several reasons why I am a terrible mother.

1) I let my son play in a public fountain in his underpants.

2) It cracks me up that it looks like he is peeing.

3) I posted this picture on the internet.

June 27, 2008 | Uncategorized

I always used to think I was really bad at math until one day I realized that if I just looked at the numbers and pictures them with a dollar sign in front of them addition, subtraction and percentages were no problem.

Even though I am the polar opposite of anal retentive (if you’ve ever seen my style of housekeeping you will agree I am telling the truth) but I tend to be OCD when it comes to money.*

When we bought our first house we took out a second mortgage. There was about about a three month period in our lives where Gabe and I were both working full time. We decided to pay off the second mortgage (it was only a couple of thousand dollars) and I got weird about it. I used to send the mortgage company between $1.30 and $150 dollars almost every day. I know it sounds crazy. In fact, it probably IS crazy but it is 100% true. Online banking enabled me to send a payment for $9.68 without penalty.

What was my point? Oh right. So today I was checking our online account like I do every day and I noticed that we had more money than we had yesterday. A LOT more money.

And it isn’t a payday.

The government direct deposited my stimulus check. Wasn’t that sweet of them?

I rarely have nice things to say about our current administration but this sure was nice.

Thanks Uncle Sam.

* And my cds and my Netflix queue. Other than that I’m a mess.

June 26, 2008 | Sports, The Pink One

Claudia keeps yelling “Go Redskins!”

Now, while I think that it is great to root for the home team - you know, for other people - my daughter just wasn’t raised like that.

What I would like to know is which part of TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS did the girl not understand.

*sigh*

Oh well, at least she is talking about football.

_

(Her brother just made up for her error in judgment by asking me if it was football season yet. Now that is a boy after my own heart. I wonder how long until he asks for his own fantasy team?)

June 25, 2008 | Now I've Seen Everything, Parenting, The Pink One, The Unexplained

“Mommy!” she yells. “Look at me! I have a tail.”

Then she runs by with a pair of underpants shoved in her butt.

NOW I’ve seen everything.

My Subconscious

I know you aren’t supposed to write posts on your blog about your dreams but last night I had a dream that Kevin Spacey wanted me to play doubles tennis with him.

June 24, 2008 | Food

After 35 years of thinking they were disgusting and tasteless I have finally decided that I like water chestnuts.

My Mom always said I would like them when I grew up.

Does this make me a grown up?

Crap. Does this mean I need to get a job?

June 23, 2008 | Contests, Traffic Experiments

Did you hear that Larry Birkhead bought Danielynn some of her mother’s (Anna Nicole Smith) lingerie from an old Playboy shoot? Because every child likes to think about their parents posing naked.

Yuck.

Speaking of perverts and weirdos I am running my third annual Traffic Experiment Contest and it turns out that my readers haven’t gotten any more normal than they were last year. Or possibly you are just dying to get your hands on that Build-a-Bear gift certificate.

Let’s see what we have so far:

Kathi D is going with Busty Russian Lola Chicken butts.

Marilyn picked crenshaw melon tomboy boob suck. (Whatever that means)

RubiaLala chose katie baby bump grind broadway.

Elizabeth and her husband talked it over and decided on either World of Warcraft Boob Hack (or nude hack) or Man gives birth to his own twin.

Mamikaze went with free polygamist election summer porn.

Ree picked something that could be my about page ( if I was a freak) Sports freak with a vagina birthing twins.

Jen says these two things bring a lot of traffic to her site: zicam while nursing glorious boobs.

De in D.C. went with a safe one Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt twins.

Emily came up with subway homeschoolers rainbow jello shots discriminates.

Wendy chose to use hot girls dangerous thong

Nick(memBeth) says Anthony Bourdaine’s Massive Boner Pictures.

JessicaAPISS went with naked twin drunk girls streak baseball game.

The Other Bear went simple: toilet photos.

TIF RN came up with vagtastic harry potter twins blog.

Tito says Argument over beer.

SueBob says Jessica alba naked tits.

Creative-Type Dad chose to go with potty training nude andy gibb coloring pages.

JonB chose the current even route: Obama Porn, McCain Sex act with Iraq’s prime minister and Hillary’s Iran penetration for lower gas prices caused Tim Russert and George Carlin heart failure.

Christina says she gets a lot of hits for uterus pictures.

Jodifur picked make money working from home naked celebrity photos twins.

Ali (the winner from last year) came up with another one that confuses me: Ash and Dawn from Pokemon naked.

Ilina from Dirt and Noise came up with naked political junkie smacks Tom Cruise.

Jodifur says make money working from home naked celebrity photos twins.

Liz says that she gets at least a few hits every day for “mom like it big.”

Whit has chosen to go with free nude teen sex clinton.

M.A. Smith is going with deconstructing Cinderella. I wonder if she means the princess or the band?

Musing (who has good taste in men but obviously didn’t see the same Inside the Actors Studio that I did) says Johnny Depp for president.

Leticia from Tech Savvy Mama came up with a nice clean one - Vista sucks.

Wicked Step Mom says Underage Crossdressing Orangutang Politician.

Devra has chosen James Dobson Diapered Husband Myspace Page.

Mama Snyder might be on to something with Olsen twins chubby naked boobs.

I’m not sure which part of this she meant, so I’m just giving you Momo Fali’s entire comment: Wait. So, I’m not supposed to cradle and sing to my Mom’s granny-panties? I so cherish them. Dang.

Kara has a good chance of taking the prize with this one: Miley Cyrus Jonas Brothers smoking naked sex tape.

Catnip gets a lot of hits for can you smoke catnip?

MP has distrubing information. She gets a lot of traffic for Pictures of Penis Peeing and Little boy penis. (Please Google, don’t let this one win. No offense to mp. I just don’t think I could go on living. Also - if you got here searching for that, unless your son has a medical condition, shame on you.)

Izzy is getting hits for Exploded babysitter.

Supertiff suggested sisters peeing together.

Dana covers a multitude of topics with : rachel ray medical butt naked sushi jolie twins

House Frau gets hits for dog slut.

Shamelessly Sassy has just one wish: I sure hope I can hang thongs on my christmas tree this year.

Remember - you can still enter your own phrase. Just pick something that you think is search-worthy.

This contest will be open until August.

June 21, 2008 | Contests, Traffic Experiments, Uncategorized

In celebration of the reinstatement of SATGS as a safe site on Google I am running the 3rd Annual Traffic Experiment.

If you have played along in the past you know that all you have to do is come up with the search term that generates the most traffic in a six week period.

Last year Ali won with “Homer Simpson Vagina Tattoo”.

No, I’m not kidding.

So hook me up. Pick one phrase that you think people will be looking for. I don’t care how whacked out it is. Leave your phrase, or word, or sentence in the comments.

And this time I have a prize. The winner will receive a $25 gift certificate to Build-a-Bear. You can hook yourself up with a Tropical Hello Kitty.

As I’ve done in the past I will be posting updates with your phrase, a link to you (if applicable) and who is winning at the time.

The winner will be announced on August 1st (ish).

Good luck.

Uncategorized

This wonderful woman fixed my Google issues.

I don’t know how she did it, but she did. You should all be able to hear me loud and clear now.

Thanks Sarah.

Love,

Sarah

(PS - Can you guys read me on Firefox 3 too?)