My son is completely obsessed with Transformers. He talks about them all the time. He would watch the show 12 times a day if I let him. It is the first things he asks for when he wakes up in the morning. Yes, he may be a touch young for that level of violence but he loves it so much. He probably has 10 different Transformers and he know the name of each one.
He dreams about Transformers. He is going to be Bumblebee for Halloween.
This afternoon I was shopping for a gift for a birthday party when I saw him. Opti-Mash Prime.
How could I not buy him? A Mr. Potato Head that was dressed like Optimus Prime! Sure my kids have more toys than any two children could possibly require, but I think I would have actually been a negligent mother to pass up this opportunity.
Gabe and I try not to spoil the kids too much - we try to leave that up to the grandparents but today I could not resist. Ian has been carrying him around all afternoon.
I knew he would love it.
And yes, of course I had to buy something for the girl too. She is playing with these things right now. You can’t tell from the picture but they are sparkly.
I don’t know why the people baking cookies with their kids on TV always look so happy.
I thought it would be a good rainy day activity yesterday so The Goon Squad and I decided to make cookies.
Well, technically we decided to make cupcakes, but I only had two eggs and the box recipe called for three eggs. And my neighbors weren’t home. And I had a package of sugar cookie mix, so cookies it was.
In commercials they show a well groomed lady in a clean kitchen smiling with cooperative and appreciative children that are all wearing pants.
In my house only two of us were wearing pants and I made the other one put on underwear before he could “bake” anything. The kitchen was a wreck from the get go and my hair… let’s just say I haven’t showered since yesterday and I went to the gym this morning.
The directions were simple. A stick of softened butter, one egg and the mix.
Have you ever tried stirring a dry powdery mixture with two four year olds helping?
I do not reccomend this activity to anyone. (Except my enemies.)
It went poorly but eventually I got the first sheet of cookies into my oven. Then it went like this:
Are they done yet? How about now? How about now? Are they done now? Now? Now? How about now? Mommmmmmmy, are they done yet?
and on and on for 9 minutes.
Times four sheets of cookies.
And then:
Can I eat one now? Are they cool enough now? Why are they too hot? Why are you putting them on that rack? Can I eat it now? How about now? Now? I’ll only eat the cold part. Can I eat one now? Are they done now? Can I eat one now? Mommmmmmmmmy this is taking forever. This is taking one million years. Can I eat one now?
Until they cooled.
Then came the frosting. It took 10 minutes and they each frosted ONE cookie.
After that they complained about it.
Those commercials lie. Now my kitchen is an even bigger mess than it was when I started.
And now I am too full from eating cookie dough to go back in there and clean it up.
It is entirely possible that I gained five pounds and I don’t even really like sugar cookies all that much.
The next time it rains I am buying a bag of Oreos and renting a DVD.
Mommy Mommy! I saw something on tv that I want to do. Go on Sprout online dot com. It said to grab your Mom OR Dad.
_______
I’ve had that line sitting in my drafts folder for about six weeks now. Ian is the biggest sucker in the world for commercials. At first I thought it was just the websites for kids networks that he was into - maybe he just liked the games that they showed on television. But no.
Yesterday I was cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. Ian wandered in as I was putting away the leftovers.
Ian: Aw, man. I wish we had green bags.
Me: Why do you need a bag?
Ian: Green bags.
Me: You want a green bag?
Ian: Green Bags. You know, Green bags. They can keep food fresh for up to six days. Regular bags can’t do that.
Me: *speechless*
He is like a walking infomercial.
In fact, I just checked with him to make sure this picture was what he was talking about. He gave me a short speech about how the bananas on the left were fresh and the ones on the right were yucky. The he went through the same diatribe with the strawberries. I said “You said six days this says nine days” and he said (I swear I am not making this up) “Yes! UP to nine days!”
I want you people all to swear to me right now that nobody will ever introduce my son to Home Shopping Network.
(I’ve done some research on the actual Seven Signs of the Apocalypse that were alluded to in The Bible but nobody actually seems to know exactly what they are. Horsemen and pestilence? Famine? Locust?
Wait do locust count as pestilence? Whatever.)
All I am saying is if you think that strange happenings could be signs of the return of Jesus to Earth you might want to go to church because today some things happened that I can’t explain.
1) I volunteered to mow the lawn. Seriously. Gabe was going to mow the lawn and I actually asked if I could do it. Then I mowed the lawn and I didn’t hate it.
2) I heard Queensryche in the grocery store. And it wasn’t “Silent Lucidity” either. It was something off of “Operation : Mindcrime”. Remember when you could only hear Queensryche on Headbangers Ball? Nope. Queensryche at Safeway.
Either it is almost time for The Rapture or I am getting old.
So let’s pretend that didn’t happen and I just said - the winner will be announced on September 15th.
Luckily for you since I am a moron there is still time to enter and win the gift certificate to Build-A-Bear. (You know, assuming I can still find it.)
Here are the entries thus far:
Kathi D is going with Busty Russian Lola Chicken butts.
Marilyn picked crenshaw melon tomboy boob suck. (Whatever that means)
Creative-Type Dad chose to go with potty training nude andy gibb coloring pages.
JonB chose the current even route: Obama Porn, McCain Sex act with Iraq’s prime minister and Hillary’s Iran penetration for lower gas prices caused Tim Russert and George Carlin heart failure.
Christina says she gets a lot of hits for uterus pictures.
Jodifur picked make money working from home naked celebrity photos twins.
Ali (the winner from last year) came up with another one that confuses me: Ash and Dawn from Pokemon naked.
Devra has chosen James Dobson Diapered Husband Myspace Page.
Mama Snyder might be on to something with Olsen twins chubby naked boobs.
I’m not sure which part of this she meant, so I’m just giving you Momo Fali’s entire comment: Wait. So, I’m not supposed to cradle and sing to my Mom’s granny-panties? I so cherish them. Dang.
Kara has a good chance of taking the prize with this one: Miley Cyrus Jonas Brothers smoking naked sex tape.
Catnip gets a lot of hits for can you smoke catnip?
MP has distrubing information. She gets a lot of traffic for Pictures of Penis Peeing and Little boy penis. (Please Google, don’t let this one win. No offense to mp. I just don’t think I could go on living. Also - if you got here searching for that, unless your son has a medical condition, shame on you.)
Snarky Amber went with these three: the woman needed to tinkle, bridal party wet peeing panties split crotch, and wearing panties at your desk. (I worry about Snarky Amber)
Remember - you can still enter your own phrase. Just pick something that you think is search-worthy.
Alternate Title - And Then My Children Came Down With an Overdeveloped Sense of Manners
I don’t get these kids at all.
We spent the last couple days of our vacation in that mode where Claudia was refusing to smile at any family members. This included scowling at her Great-Grandmother. It was fairly embarrassing.
At one point when I asked her to get dressed she threatened to “smash everything”. She also told me she would never hug me again, nor would she kiss me or smile at me or ask me to do anything for her.
(I told her that I was fine with that last one.)
In addition, Ian caught whatever Claudia had at the beginning of the week and he demanded butt medicine. Fortunately, I had some left over.
At some point it occurred to me that they were in such bad moods because they are only four and between me being gone for two weeks for BlogHer and then them going to the beach when we went to the wedding in Albuquerque and then this trip to Arkansas they were just completely out of their element. Kids need some sort of predictability and a schedule and we just haven’t been giving them that this summer.
During one of Claudia’s temper tantrums on Sunday the thing that finally calmed her down was me telling her that we would be home tomorrow and everything would go back to normal.
We got home this afternoon and they are different people. The girl has been completely charming. She has been dressing up in all of her princess gear and giving us fashion shows, She offered to let her brother choose the television show that they got to watch.
She thanked me for letting her brush her teeth.
But the crazy part came when we checked the mail. They got a thank you card in the mail from Mia’s birthday party.
They were beside themselves with joy.
I should explain that my children love all mail, but in this case (and I think it was because they were so happy to be home) they completely freaked out and demanded that we immediately send Mia a “You’re Welcome” note.
A you’re welcome note? From the children who have been known to sit at the table for an extra 45 minutes because they refused to utter the phrase “May I please be excused”?
I must be losing my mind.
Seriously, they ran and got paper and crayons and they took turns writing their names on the paper for Mia and then they dictated this letter:
Dear MIa,
You are welcome.
Love,
Ian and Claudia and Mom
I was going to explain that Mia calls me Sarah and not Mom, but I didn’t want to spoil the mood.
I think I am just going to chalk this up to my wonderful parenting (*snort*) but if these overzealous manners continue I might consult a doctor just to make sure that these children are actually The Goon Squad and not pod people.
