The Marketing is Working

Mommy Mommy! I saw something on tv that I want to do. Go on Sprout online dot com. It said to grab your Mom OR Dad.


I’ve had that line sitting in my drafts folder for about six weeks now. Ian is the biggest sucker in the world for commercials. At first I thought it was just the websites for kids networks that he was into – maybe he just liked the games that they showed on television. But no.

Yesterday I was cleaning up the kitchen after dinner. Ian wandered in as I was putting away the leftovers.

Ian: Aw, man. I wish we had green bags.

Me: Why do you need a bag?

Ian: Green bags.

Me: You want a green bag?

Ian: Green Bags. You know, Green bags. They can keep food fresh for up to six days. Regular bags can’t do that.

Me: *speechless*

He is like a walking infomercial.

In fact, I just checked with him to make sure this picture was what he was talking about. He gave me a short speech about how the bananas on the left were fresh and the ones on the right were yucky. The he went through the same diatribe with the strawberries. I said “You said six days this says nine days” and he said (I swear I am not making this up) “Yes! UP to nine days!”

I want you people all to swear to me right now that nobody will ever introduce my son to Home Shopping Network.

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  1. Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh

  2. One day Petunia informed Basil that there was this company that would TURN YOUR JEWELRY INTO CASH. Like, literally, as far as she was concerned. Poof – your necklace is now a stack of $100 bills! Basil explained that they just buy your jewelry, and she seemed disappointed.

  3. My 4 year old is exactly the same way. My 8 year old son was begging me to home school him and my 4 year old chimed in with something about “you can do it right from home just buy the curriculum and you are on your way”. I had no idea what he was talking about until my daughter started laughing and told me that he was reciting a commercial.

  4. ROFL! Boys!

    But what that infomercial doesnt tell you is this: the fruit stilll *looks great* up to nine days later – but usually it tastes like water after so many days.

  5. I just wish my kids would remember all that stuff when it is something they want for a gift. Instead then it is–I want that dog, you know, the one on that commercial on Hannah Montana. What is the name I ask, I don’t know, its blue, you know which one.

  6. um, I actually own a package of Green Bags because my 6-year-old son spotted them at the store and insisted that we buy them. Every once in awhile he asks me if I’m using them. I haven’t really cracked them open yet so I can’t tell how well they work, but they don’t allow lazy-asses like me to just put a bunch of bananas in a bag and come back to like-new bananas a week later. you have to keep the inside of the bag dry (read: maintenance! ick!) or everything just gets moldy. and I’m wondering if you would have the same results if you just kept the regular grocery store bags dry.

  7. So impressionable :0

  8. i know that you need to nurture ian, guide him gently into his teenage years. got two of my own, and now that they are 18 and 17 it is clear to me the damage a bad parent (particularly a bad single parent) can do. oh well. they ain’t killed anybody so i got that going for me. anyway, when the time comes to shatter ian’s tv infomercial world and perhaps induce a facial tick, here’s a good website – and here’s the (mixed) reviews for the green bags –

    how’s the iPhone working out for you?

  9. Better keep him away from sales people. He will probably buy out the store!

  10. Son does this too – started about Ian adn Claudia’s age

  11. Rosie insists that we need to buy that Roll N Gro flower garden that’s always being advertised (probably after SpongeBob, since we see it frequently). I don’t feel her sense of urgency on that, particularly since we don’t even have a yard.

  12. Dude, my 3 year old son once woke up from a dead sleep, came in to my bedroom at 3am and tried to sell me some vacuum he had seen on a commercial before bed. The marketing? Definitely working!

  13. Too late; Ian and I have plans to pound a few beers and watch QVC over the holiday weekend.

  14. Mine is the same way. It used to blow my mind that he would see an infomercial and then say to me “I want that for my birthday.” What the heck? NO ONE GIVE THIS KID A CREDIT CARD.

  15. I apparently need to watch that infomercial- my kids said the same thing when I picked them up at the store. They launched into all the features of them! And then my son says “but if you buy those, we won’t get to have banana bread as much anymore” :)

  16. My daughter insisted that she had to have a Chia Pet for her birthday, so I got her one (cause I am a sucker). When she opened it she said “Look MiMi, Momma got me a Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia Pet!!!”

  17. My son is exactly the same way! And it’s not just that he can quote the commercials, he always wants what the commercials are selling, no matter what it is. Scary.

  18. When my oldest was about 2 years old, Verizon started their “Can you hear me now? Good!” commercial series. One afternoon I caught her with a brownie up to her ear, saying “Can you hear me now? Good!” then taking two steps, repeat, two steps, repeat. It’s funny the things they pick up.

  19. I remember that age. In fact, our youngest is headed right for it.

    Our older son once told me how I really NEEDED Nutri-System so I could be a size 6. I had to restrain myself.

  20. I swear I’ve had this exact conversation with Miss Pink. Right now she wants me to buy the ShamWow.

    Laughing at Mrs. Davis’ comment. Miss P told me last year she needed to get Nutri-System so she could be a size 4. I told her, “Honey, you ARE a size 4.”

  21. The thing is,Ian is right. You DO need the Green Bags. They are AWESOME! Then again, I still have my 12 year old Miracle Thaw and it still works. My two forays into “As seen on TV” have been quite successful.

  22. Uh huh. Alex was complaining about a stain somewhere not too long ago and Sam piped up with, “Well, Dad, OxyClean can get just about anything out!”

    (For some reason, whenever I think about OxyClean, my mind tries to call it oxycontin.)

  23. I promise that I won’t tell Ian about the Home Shopping Networks. I can’t promise for anyone else.

    Of course, I may never actually meet Ian, but it makes my promise easier to keep.

  24. I feel your pain, sister!

  25. Holy Crap! Is it weird that the same day, Shorty told me that I needed to get Debbie Meyers Green Bags?

    Damn Nick Jr.

  26. I’ve never heard of Green Bags. I do have a strange urge to buy the ShamWow, though. I also want a steamer/iron thingy I saw on TV today. I’m a sucker just like Ian.

  27. I kind of hate to take my son to the grocery store with me. Ever since he was three he would sing all the jingles, repeat all the slogans, recite all the ads for all the products that we would see. I’m sure that everyone who walks past us must think he watches tv 23 hours a day. It can be a little akward at times too. There’s nothing like standing in an isle trying to choose between two kinds of toilet paper and then all of the sudden realizing that for the past two minutes your son has been chattering on about tampons. “Mommy! You should get these for your heavy flow days!”

  28. This isn’t going to end well. Next he’s going to want a Ped Egg.

  29. umm and your impulse buy for him was a transformer if I’m not mistaken. I say get him some green bags instead next time and set him to work in the kitchen.

  30. Dude! Your kid knows what he’s talking about. I just bought those Green Bags (because I am easily duped by convincing marketing schemes) and they actually work. The bananas were a little iffy, but the veggies and fruit I keep in the fridge lasted a lot longer. I wasn’t sure what to do with my time that I normally spend scowling at my rotten produce and throwing it away.

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