The 5 Most Baffling Sex Scenes in the History of Fan Fiction. (Thanks Gabe.)
Warren Sapp dancing with the stars? I’m setting my TiVo right now.
I am still not over hearing Queensryche in the grocery store.
Cake Wrecks is totally worth checking out. (Stolen from Sweetney’s Linkblog)
I used to have a fish named Danzig.
I have a whole category on this blog dedicated to “Signs of the Apocalypse“. I usually reserve this category for unlikely happenings or things that I can’t explain – like getting up at 5:00 AM to exercise or people following Tori Amos on tour.
(I’ve done some research on the actual Seven Signs of the Apocalypse that were alluded to in The Bible but nobody actually seems to know exactly what they are. Horsemen and pestilence? Famine? Locust?
Wait do locust count as pestilence? Whatever.)
All I am saying is if you think that strange happenings could be signs of the return of Jesus to Earth you might want to go to church because today some things happened that I can’t explain.
1) I volunteered to mow the lawn. Seriously. Gabe was going to mow the lawn and I actually asked if I could do it. Then I mowed the lawn and I didn’t hate it.
2) I heard Queensryche in the grocery store. And it wasn’t “Silent Lucidity” either. It was something off of “Operation : Mindcrime”. Remember when you could only hear Queensryche on Headbangers Ball? Nope. Queensryche at Safeway.
Either it is almost time for The Rapture or I am getting old.
There are very few things that anger me more than injuring myself when I am taking out the garbage.
Hmph.
Hey, remember a long time ago when I started the third annual traffic experiment?
Then I promptly forgot about it.
Oops.
So let’s pretend that didn’t happen and I just said – the winner will be announced on September 15th.
Luckily for you since I am a moron there is still time to enter and win the gift certificate to Build-A-Bear. (You know, assuming I can still find it.)
Here are the entries thus far:
Kathi D is going with Busty Russian Lola Chicken butts.
Marilyn picked crenshaw melon tomboy boob suck. (Whatever that means)
RubiaLala chose katie baby bump grind broadway.
Elizabeth and her husband talked it over and decided on either World of Warcraft Boob Hack (or nude hack) or Man gives birth to his own twin.
Mamikaze went with free polygamist election summer porn.
Ree picked something that could be my about page ( if I was a freak) Sports freak with a vagina birthing twins.
Jen says these two things bring a lot of traffic to her site: zicam while nursing glorious boobs.
De in D.C. went with a safe one Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt twins.
Emily came up with subway homeschoolers rainbow jello shots discriminates.
Wendy chose to use hot girls dangerous thong
Nick(memBeth) says Anthony Bourdaine’s Massive Boner Pictures.
JessicaAPISS went with naked twin drunk girls streak baseball game.
The Other Bear went simple: toilet photos.
TIF RN came up with vagtastic harry potter twins blog.
Tito says Argument over beer.
SueBob says Jessica alba naked tits.
Creative-Type Dad chose to go with potty training nude andy gibb coloring pages.
JonB chose the current even route: Obama Porn, McCain Sex act with Iraq’s prime minister and Hillary’s Iran penetration for lower gas prices caused Tim Russert and George Carlin heart failure.
Christina says she gets a lot of hits for uterus pictures.
Jodifur picked make money working from home naked celebrity photos twins.
Ali (the winner from last year) came up with another one that confuses me: Ash and Dawn from Pokemon naked.
Ilina from Dirt and Noise came up with naked political junkie smacks Tom Cruise.
Jodifur says make money working from home naked celebrity photos twins.
Liz says that she gets at least a few hits every day for “mom like it big.”
Whit has chosen to go with free nude teen sex clinton.
M.A. Smith is going with deconstructing Cinderella. I wonder if she means the princess or the band?
Musing (who has good taste in men but obviously didn’t see the same Inside the Actors Studio that I did) says Johnny Depp for president.
Leticia from Tech Savvy Mama came up with a nice clean one – Vista sucks.
Wicked Step Mom says Underage Crossdressing Orangutang Politician.
Devra has chosen James Dobson Diapered Husband Myspace Page.
Mama Snyder might be on to something with Olsen twins chubby naked boobs.
I’m not sure which part of this she meant, so I’m just giving you Momo Fali’s entire comment: Wait. So, I’m not supposed to cradle and sing to my Mom’s granny-panties? I so cherish them. Dang.
Kara has a good chance of taking the prize with this one: Miley Cyrus Jonas Brothers smoking naked sex tape.
Catnip gets a lot of hits for can you smoke catnip?
MP has distrubing information. She gets a lot of traffic for Pictures of Penis Peeing and Little boy penis. (Please Google, don’t let this one win. No offense to mp. I just don’t think I could go on living. Also – if you got here searching for that, unless your son has a medical condition, shame on you.)
Izzy is getting hits for Exploded babysitter.
Supertiff suggested sisters peeing together.
Dana covers a multitude of topics with : rachel ray medical butt naked sushi jolie twins
House Frau gets hits for dog slut.
Shamelessly Sassy has just one wish: I sure hope I can hang thongs on my christmas tree this year.
New***
From Karen Sugarpants – Miley Cyrus Big Teeth Toilet Brush Cankles
From Stimey – I like suppositories. (See, I didn’t even write Stimey likes suppositories like I wanted to.)
Joe is hedging his bets with these five:
erin moran molested by henry winkler
huge suckeling boobs
pinky tuscadero hand gesture
rat up in yo weave
what color was becky thatcher’s hair
Snarky Amber went with these three: the woman needed to tinkle, bridal party wet peeing panties split crotch, and wearing panties at your desk. (I worry about Snarky Amber)
Remember – you can still enter your own phrase. Just pick something that you think is search-worthy.
This contest will be open until August.
Alternate Title – And Then My Children Came Down With an Overdeveloped Sense of Manners
I don’t get these kids at all.
We spent the last couple days of our vacation in that mode where Claudia was refusing to smile at any family members. This included scowling at her Great-Grandmother. It was fairly embarrassing.
At one point when I asked her to get dressed she threatened to “smash everything”. She also told me she would never hug me again, nor would she kiss me or smile at me or ask me to do anything for her.
(I told her that I was fine with that last one.)
In addition, Ian caught whatever Claudia had at the beginning of the week and he demanded butt medicine. Fortunately, I had some left over.
At some point it occurred to me that they were in such bad moods because they are only four and between me being gone for two weeks for BlogHer and then them going to the beach when we went to the wedding in Albuquerque and then this trip to Arkansas they were just completely out of their element. Kids need some sort of predictability and a schedule and we just haven’t been giving them that this summer.
During one of Claudia’s temper tantrums on Sunday the thing that finally calmed her down was me telling her that we would be home tomorrow and everything would go back to normal.
We got home this afternoon and they are different people. The girl has been completely charming. She has been dressing up in all of her princess gear and giving us fashion shows, She offered to let her brother choose the television show that they got to watch.
She thanked me for letting her brush her teeth.
But the crazy part came when we checked the mail. They got a thank you card in the mail from Mia’s birthday party.
They were beside themselves with joy.
I should explain that my children love all mail, but in this case (and I think it was because they were so happy to be home) they completely freaked out and demanded that we immediately send Mia a “You’re Welcome” note.
A you’re welcome note? From the children who have been known to sit at the table for an extra 45 minutes because they refused to utter the phrase “May I please be excused”?
I must be losing my mind.
Seriously, they ran and got paper and crayons and they took turns writing their names on the paper for Mia and then they dictated this letter:
Dear MIa,
You are welcome.
Love,
Ian and Claudia and Mom
I was going to explain that Mia calls me Sarah and not Mom, but I didn’t want to spoil the mood.
I think I am just going to chalk this up to my wonderful parenting (*snort*) but if these overzealous manners continue I might consult a doctor just to make sure that these children are actually The Goon Squad and not pod people.
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