Claudia walks into the living room with my fancy purse, the one I take to weddings and the opera. “Mommy, I like your purse. It is very beautiful.” “Well, thank you.” I say. “Why do you have my dress up purse? Where did you find my dress up purse?” “In your bedroom.” “What were you […]
Archives for September 2008
On Saturday I took the grumpiest child in the world to the National Book Festival. I made the mistake of not going early so the lines were super long to meet all the PBS characters. Fortunately, Claudia was too pissy to stand still and have her picture taken with Clifford anyway. We did get to […]
PETA pisses me off. Seriously, BREAST milk for ice cream? I got two hits this week for people searching gnats living in my butt. You will only think this link is funny if you watch Heroes AND follow the NFL. And I do, so I think it is hilarious. “I have this recurring nightmare where […]
I have a new theory regarding gnats and mosquitoes. I say that the gnats just fly around your face and try to distract you while the mosquitoes bite the living shit out of your foot. I’m not sure what the gnats are getting out of this deal. Maybe the mosquitoes are paying them off in […]
My kids have been talking about my reproductive organs a lot. For example – this morning they were arguing about who got to choose the television how they watched before school. I was sick of the fighting so I turned off the tv and told them that they needed to work it out amongst themselves. […]
I’m not really surprised that I accidentally turned on a UFC event while looking for the UCF game on television. I mean – the tv is all the way across the room and even with my contacts in my vision isn’t all that great. What does surprise me is that I did it more than […]
We TiVO 120 Minutes on VH-1 Classic. (1. Shut up. You’re not cool either. You know you have embarrassing season passes on your DVR too and 2) VH1 Classic, ugh. I’m so old.) The first couple episodes of 120 Minutes we watched were all about Morrissey and Siouxsie & the Banshees and a lot of […]
“Mommy. When I look at your tummy it reminds me what a good time I had in your uterus.”
“Mommy, I can’t go to school today. My butt itches too much.” Can you imagine the excuse letter? Dear Preschool. I regret to inform you that Claudia was unable to attend school on Wednesday because her butt itched too much. Sincerely, Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah That would probably go over pretty well, don’t you think?
I was standing in the checkout line at Safeway on Saturday when I noticed the woman in front of me had on really pointy high heels. It was 10:00 am on a Saturday so it caught my attention. So I looked at her outfit. She had on a black pleated skirt and an off the […]
The Gagging Sounds are Coming from Me Originally uploaded by Sarah606 In all honesty, while neither is my first choice of beverage, I have no prejudices against Budweiser or Clamato. It is the thought of the two of them mixed together that makes me wretch.