Bugging Me: My Gnat/Mosquito Conspiracy Theory

I have a new theory regarding gnats and mosquitoes.

I say that the gnats just fly around your face and try to distract you while the mosquitoes bite the living shit out of your foot.

I’m not sure what the gnats are getting out of this deal. Maybe the mosquitoes are paying them off in gnat crack or possibly pissing me off is just what gnats live for.

I don’t know, but I do know this – we were only outside for about an hour and I have four huge mosquito bites on my right foot.

Job well done gnats. I hope you tiny bastards are happy now.

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  1. I think you’re on to something…those effers got me last night while getting the mail.

  2. You know what the gnats are getting? They’re getting enjoyment out of flying into your lip gloss. I imagine it’s a horrible death, but highly fulfilling for a creature whose only goal seems to be annoying people.

  3. Thank goodness for cooler weather here. I was able to pull those bastard weeds last night and was just able to bitch about that and not the bugs as well.

    I bet that if weed had to worry about the gnat/mosquito gang they wouldn’t come out of the ground. Much like I didn’t come out of the house while they were out there.

  4. Since the hurricane, we have giant aggressive killer skeeters everywhere! They don’t need no stinkin’ gnats to distract their prey! They’re bold and daring!! They just show up in droves, carrying their WestNileVirus with ’em!

    I hate skeeters.

  5. I don’t think the mosquitoes have to pay them anything. I am pretty sure the gnats live for the simple pleasure of annoying humans.

    On a backpacking trip last summer I was on the edge of hysteria after about a 1/2 mile section where the gnats were swarming. I know they were gnats as we were deeted up and I couldn’t hear the mosquito whine.

  6. I think you should just stay indoors :)

    Lounging and eating a big bowl of ice cream …

    Yup, indoors sounds much better.

  7. While running the other day, while huffing and puffing during end-of-run sprint, I ran into a ‘cloud’ of gnats right at the same level of my head. The huffing and puffing turned into coughing and choking as I inhaled few dozen of the effers.

    I swear, its like they had it planned. I was targetted by terrorist gnats.

    ..and the noseeums are getting me, too.

  8. Perhaps the mosquitos in the DC area have a foot fetish.

  9. Gnats are simply mosquito wanna be’s is all

  10. I’m so sick of mosquitoes that hearing the word makes me cringe. I’m about to get a big net to put over my entire house and yard. If not, there will be nothing left of my children since they keep getting the shit bit out of them. Grrr. Sore subject.

  11. I’m so glad we don’t have mosquitoes here.

  12. I know this is gonna be rough, and I’m not saying it to be mean. I just hope you will respect my candor and break out of the shell of denial: Lose the Carmen Miranda hat! You’ve been wearing that thing everywhere for three months now. Trust me, and I think you will find that your gnat problem will solve itself.

  13. Shhhhh, you let them know you are on to them they might get the wasps in on the act! *shudder*

  14. I think you’re on to something. Just watching those gnat swarms that always choose to swarm right on the path into the house makes me think you’re right.

  15. That explains so much.

  16. Aprylsantics says:

    I have a strategically placed mosquito bite on my left big toe, close to the cutical, which started to itch at 3 am while I was sleeping.

    Mosquitos and gnats must be here to bring blood back to hell. I totally agree they are on the same team. And the weeds (Jarrard) are in on it, too.

  17. When I’m being tormented by the big cloud of gnats around my face, I put one arm high in the air. I heard it would make them move away because they stick around the highest part of your body. It works! Now you must be thinking that’s stupid. Because it is. I still haven’t figured out who learned this and why they would pass it on. It’s annoying to breathe gnats, sure. But it’s also annoying to have your arm above your head–it falls asleep and you also happen to look like you’ve lost your mind.

  18. I used to teach World Lit and there’s an African folktale about how the Mosquito and the Ear were once lovers but they had a falling out and they parted but the Mosquito always goes back to tell the Ear how much it loves “her”.

    I thought it was an adorable story for the stupid jerks.

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