What I Need Least

A few minutes ago I thought to myself: The last thing I need in the entire world is Cool Ranch Doritos.cool_ranch_doritos_bag

Then I thought about it again. While the fact hold that I really don’t need Cool Ranch Doritos, are they the thing I need least in the world?


There are things I need less.

I have no use for (and nowhere to put) any livestock. I wouldn’t know what to do with a helicopter and if someone angel_lladro_flute_nakedwere to give me one of those fancy Lladro porcelain figurines I would probably just sell it on ebay and either march my new money right over to the Apple Store or send it  to Visa.

There are things I don’t need because I have more than enough already –   like cans of tomato soup or Million Mom March bumper stickers.

I have an entire box of Million Mom March bumper stickers in my laundry room. Don’t ask why, but if you want one (or 50) just send me your address and I will mail them to you.

There are things I don’t need because they are bad. I don’t need to get sick. I don’t need a family tragedy.  I don’t need to lose my job, but those aren’t really things you don’t need as much as horrible things that you don’t want to happen.

I’ve thought about it a lot now and I don’t know what the one thing would be that I need least in this world, but it probably isn’t Cool Ranch Doritos.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Comment Via Facebook



  1. I’m going to go with “another kid” as my answer to that question.

  2. My mother has a really ugly wall clock hanging in her entryway. It used to be my grandmother’s. It sounds like a strangled cat when it chimes and it actually has to be wound. It’s big, awkward-looking, clunky, totally out of synch with the decor of her (or really anyone’s) home, and I can’t fathom why she kept it, except for sentimental value.

    I am an only child and I will inherit the contents of my mother’s home when she dies. It is all I can do to not take a baseball bat to this thing every time I see it.

    I do not need that clock.

  3. I don’t need any more winter.

  4. My first thought was that I do not need another dumb coworker.

    But then I realized that I would have very little to write about, should that happen.

    So maybe I don’t need any more smart coworkers. They are far harder to make fun of.

  5. I PROBABLY don’t need that other Rocher candy…but I’m gonna eat it anyway! 😉

  6. Herpes. Or leprosy.

  7. So… does that mean you ate them anyway?

  8. i just ate some chilli cheese fritos. didn’t need those. so now they’re gone.

  9. Once in a great while, I buy a big, red bag of Doritos and eat the whole thing! I think there’s something addictive in them. Cool Ranch ones are good too but I usually share those with the kids. Not the big, red bag…Nope that’s MINE!!


  10. Still not sure what I need least….
    I’ll think about it!


  11. Suddenly I feel that I quite need some Cool Ranch Doritos.

  12. This may be the funniest thing I’ve read this year. I almost snorted Cool Ranch Doritos out of my nose. The thing I need least is a toy for TM that SUCKS that she will never use. Our basement is full of them—so bad, people don’t even want them for free.

  13. if I send you my address will you send me the doritos?

  14. Have you tried the spicy buffalo wing Doritos? Uh…tremendous. I now actually need them. Thanks.

  15. The last thing I need right now is more stress.

    I will admit to having Cool Ranch Doritos in my house, but no one is currently eating them.

  16. I don’t need another something to do. I am enjoying a free morning….of having nothing to do. These are rare, but possible by careful scheduling.

    Lucky for me I hate Cool Ranch Doritos…

  17. Enjoy those CRD’s baby. Mmmmm.

  18. I think that has to be true. If for no other reason than there could possibly come a moment where a bag of cool ranch doritos is precisely what you need *most*.

  19. By the way, this post inspired me to pick up a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos whilst at the store this afternoon.

    Who says bloggers don’t have the power to CHANGE THE WORLD! OK, I’m baked also so that had something to do with it…

  20. Cool Ranch Doritos hold no sway over me. Now, if it were Crunchy Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos…

  21. My husband just ran to the movie store, want I should call him and have him pick up a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos?

  22. What do I need least right now? Let’s see. Expensive shampoo and conditioner. An umbrella. More coffee.

    But it’s a good thing I don’t like Doritos. Because after reading this, I’d definitely NEED some.

  23. I’m so pissed! I switched my reader to Feedly and somehow S&TGS did not make the switch! Ugh! I’ve been trying to navigate my way around that thing and I just get lost. I have a lot of Goon Squad catching up to do!

    I prefer Nacho Cheese.

  24. Thanks to you, job number one for me right now is trying to find a bag of Doritos.

  25. um, maybe I am the only freak, but I’m kinda interested in the bumper stickers.

Comment Via Facebook


Powered by Facebook Comments