May 21, 2009
As a woman, there are certain things about being a man that mystify me.
Like, wouldn’t tight jeans be really uncomfortable?
and
If you are wearing boxers does it just fall out sometimes when you are walking around?
and
If you stand up to pee what happens when you are surprised by poop?
Well lucky me. Guess which one of these questions was answered for me today?
(I’ll give you a moment to look back over your choices.)
Yes, as the proud mother of a five year old boy I found out exactly what happens when a person is taken off guard by a stealth poop while one is standing up to urinate.
For those people without children (or with all girls) what happens is a boy poops on the floor.
And his legs.
And his pants.
And his underpants.
And the bath mat.
So while the idea of peeing my name in the snow still seems kind of cool, for today I’ll just be happy that I sit down when I pee.
Just in case.
***
ps - And for those of you with all girls, this is your chance to gloat. You know the 5 year old boy wasn’t the one cleaning up the stray poo.
pps - I abstained from inserting a picture into this post. You are welcome.
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May 21st, 2009 at 2:11 pm, samantha jo campen Says:
Yet another nugget (HA!) I have to look forward to. OH THE JOY!
May 21st, 2009 at 2:34 pm, TwoBusy Says:
There are no circumstances under which “surprised by poop” is a good thing.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:35 pm, Doodaddy Says:
Does that mean that you *gasp* actually took pictures? I way overdo pictures myself, but catching the stealth poop on a memory card… well, even I won’t go that far.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:45 pm, ckirby50 Says:
I have twin boys – 3 y/o in two weeks. I’ll keep this in mind.
May 21st, 2009 at 2:49 pm, Wife and Mommy Says:
Well. I see your day went downhill after seeing me for breakfast!
May 21st, 2009 at 3:09 pm, Meg Says:
As the mother of three boys, this post made me belly-laugh out loud!
May 21st, 2009 at 3:54 pm, AprylsAntics Says:
Stealth poop! LOL
May 21st, 2009 at 4:44 pm, VegasDad Says:
Our son had dropped a stealth poop a few times already. Luckily it wasn’t as messy as you described.
May 21st, 2009 at 5:03 pm, Melina Says:
well now I know what to look forward to. I’m not interested in stealth poops, do you think I can tell him this (in 3+ years)?
May 21st, 2009 at 6:23 pm, Sarah Says:
If I were a boy and this ever happened to me, I think it would cure me of ever standing up to pee.
Seriously, I don’t know how they walk around with those things.
May 21st, 2009 at 6:26 pm, Karen Sugarpants Says:
Bummer.
May 21st, 2009 at 6:42 pm, del Says:
Surely the surprise poop element and the fact that boys can not aim at all, unless it is a competition, is proof that everyone should sit to go, just in case.
As I clean vomit from bedding, this post has made me feel a little better about my day. Thanks.
May 21st, 2009 at 6:57 pm, Cathy McCaughan Says:
Don’t forget when they are sitting to do their thing and you are dutifully reading a story nearby, the thrill of an unexpected arch of pee traveling across the room and all over you.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:25 pm, mo-wo Says:
hey join me for the nonlinear girl baby shower. those babies are almost here.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:32 pm, Holly Says:
Noooo! I am not looking forward to this at all!
May 21st, 2009 at 7:43 pm, Mac and Cheese Says:
“lol” doesn’t quite cut it for the way I am howling with laughter right now.
May 21st, 2009 at 9:41 pm, Stephanie Nichols Says:
Oh, my gosh. I had no idea this could happen. My husband doesn’t understand why I am laughing so loudly. He does not find this funny. Oh, well.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:24 pm, Papa Bradstein Says:
Duly noted. I’m taking this off my Christmas list for you: http://www.biorelief.com/store/Lady-J-Female-Adapter.html
May 21st, 2009 at 10:55 pm, Megan Says:
When we potty trained my son, we had him sit down to pee. I’ve basically taught him to always sit in the house and stand up elsewhere because I didn’t want to deal with the pee all over the floor and the seat being left up. It’s really the only civilized way to go.
May 21st, 2009 at 10:58 pm, tifRN Says:
If this helps, carson was what I called the “phantom pooper.” the little shit (teehee)
Would pull off hiss pull up and poop ON. MY. FLOOR. And then put the pull up back on. Wanna know the moral of this story? When looking for hidden poop, ALWAYS wear shoes. You too, are welcome.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:45 pm, thatgirl Says:
thanks for the heads up! so to speak…
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:06 am, Kathi D Says:
First they pee on you when you change their diapers. Now this.
He had better be rich and take good care of you in your old age.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:57 am, ng Says:
I’m gonna go ahead and gloat but that’s just because I know I have pink and barbies and makeup and nylons and dating and birth control coming down the line… TIMES TWO. And cleaning up a stray poop or two just seems easier.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:52 am, Ashlie- Mommycosm Says:
Ah, yes. One of the top 5 reasons why we taught our son to sit while peeing.
He can stand outside or at a restroom that has a urinal…but 99.9% of the time, he sits. My husband does, too. Perhaps having 3 older sisters influenced him;)
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:40 am, Kate Says:
So far no one here has had a surprise poop. *crosses fingers*
The other good thing about sitting down is peeing in the middle of the night. The ladies can stumble into the dark bathroom, sit, pee, stumble back to bed. But the stupid men, who REFUSE to sit down because god forbid it emasculate them, have to turn the light on and blind themselves, then pee, then turn the light off and stumble back to bed, stubbing their toes on every piece of furniture along the way.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:05 am, Lisse Says:
I just thank goodness neither boy has had a surprise of that magnitude. The most I’ve had to do is throw out some underwear now and then.
I do have one son (7 yr old) who takes inordinate pleasure from moving his bowels. He’s even mastered the art of taking in reading material for the duration.
Now if only he would remember to close the door.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:51 am, Beth (A Mom's Life) Says:
Haha!! Hilarious!
This has never happened to my 6 year old (that I’m aware of.)
And I owe that to his steady diet of carbs and no fruits and vegetables. Some days a stealth poop would be welcomed!
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:06 am, wyliekat Says:
You know the one that always used to keep me up at night? Don’t things ever . . . dangle . . . into the toilet whilst you are taking care of business? I mean, they do dangle, no?
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:02 am, ashley Says:
(heh heh, dangle is a funny word)
Have not been here yet. But have encountered my 3.5 year old blue who “pooped outside” … have yet to find said poop…
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:12 pm, Jenni Says:
boys rule.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:34 pm, Michelle Says:
oh wow, luckily this has not happened to us YET…
but we had like 4 stomach bugs this year so poo all over the bathroom was a common thing and it is DISGUSTING!
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:28 pm, heyjoe Says:
1) yes
2) no, because it’s never really IN anything. Just kind of swings freely.
3)Never happened to me, nor the boy, so far as I know.
May 26th, 2009 at 7:49 pm, BananaBlueberry Says:
you forgot-
when another boy who is over for a playdate needs help pulling down his pants b/c he has just been potty-trained and while helping him- you get a stream of pee across your forehead-
yes, that happened to me – ahhh boys.
May 28th, 2009 at 10:58 am, Trenches of Mommyhood Says:
Been there, done that. And thanks for not sharing the pics. My own memories of such occasions are seared into my brain.
May 30th, 2009 at 12:46 am, Nicole Says:
Whoa, I’ve got 5 and 6 year old boys and I had no idea that would happen.
December 31st, 2009 at 2:43 pm, Sarah and the Goon Squad » 2009: That Went Fast Says:
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