got twins?

I actually have a t-shirt that says “got twins?”. It is from a fundraiser for my mothers of multiples club.

I’ve been thinking about it because my blog friend Nora is due to have her twins any minute now.

I am supposed to be giving her advice on children’s books for her blog shower (my vote is for anything written by Mo Willems) but since until they turned two The Goon Squad mostly tried to eat books I don’t have a lot of information on good books for babies.

What I do have is experience with having newborn twins.

I freely admit that the first few months are a blur, but something a father of twins told me when my babies were seven weeks old changed my life.

He said “It gets better at three months.”

I am not going to lie to you, Nora. The first three months with more than one newborn is hard. You won’t sleep. You will think you are going to die. But you won’t die, and at three months it gets easier.

It gets easier again at six months.

Then at some point they start keeping each other occupied and you get to do the dishes, or blog or whatever you do.

And it is good.

And your babies won’t go to preschool alone. They will have each other. The same goes for kindergarten.

If they are freaks like my kids, they will entertain you with the stories of the things they did together while they were in your uterus… like playing tic tac toe or having a dance party.

Okay, that last part is probably just my kids, but still, they will have a special bond. They will not have any concept of personal space with each other and you will be able to spot twins this way on the beach or in the mall even if they aren’t identical.

Other advice – join a twins club, or find other bloggers that are having twins around the same age. They will keep you sane. (I couldn’t have done it without Becky and Bridgette.)

And when you are struggling to get two car carriers out of car, and trying to figure out how the hell you are supposed to grocery shop with two infants and you haven’t slept for more than three hours in a night all week, and someone says to you “Oh, you did it the easy way” you are going to want to tell them to fuck off, but you shouldn’t.

Because they are just jealous.

Not everyone gets to have twins.

It is a challenge and it is a blessing.

Welcome to the club.

ps – And I lied. I do have a picture book that the kids loved. Hug.

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  1. I have 2 friends who are due to have twins this year. I am SO sharing this post with both of them. You totally made me tear up. sniffle sniffle.

  2. It is true. I am jealous.

  3. As a father of twin daughters, I have some experience here, too. You’re right, it’s a total bitch at first, but as they get a little older, I think it gets easier. They keep each other company, something that singular children do not often do.

    Course, they also are so amazingly close to each other that they do things other kids haven’t figured out how to do yet. It’s like they’re a covert ops team at times. I specifically remember a brand new container of Johnson’s Baby Powder that wound up emptied…all over the house. Both floors. There was a fine white dust layer over everything in the house for WEEKS.

    And the time my ex-wife and I woke up to find them at 2 years old in the living room, standing atop the stereo cabinet. They’d moved one of their little plastic yellow chairs over to the speaker, climbed up on that, then from there they climbed up on the stereo cabinet. And they knocked the crystal vase off onto the floor, shattering it into a million pieces. Thank God they didn’t get back down onto the floor.

    Now they are graduating college, believe it or not. I used to get asked all the time if it was hard having twins. My stock answer for a while was, “I don’t know, I’ve never had anything else.”

    Now, though, I say that the first couple of years are really hard. Feedings, diapers, sleep (or lack thereof). After that, I think (though still can’t be 100% positive) that twins are easier than singular kids.

  4. My kids loved Hug, too.

    Also? The Miracle Blanket.

    I know, I sound like one of those wenches from a baby board, but I love me some miracle blanket. Perhaps Nora would, too?

  5. Amen.

    My mom and dad give every new baby a board-book copy of “Each Peach Pear Plum.” My brother and I had it when we were kids, and even though it’s not really a baby book, it is completely awesome and they’ll love it for years.

  6. I could not agree more…my twins are five and the first three months, I thought my husband was going to run away and leave. And then it just gets easier. And now they play with each other and occupy each other.

  7. Amen to all of those pieces of wisdom. Gets better at 3-4 months, for sure, but I felt like it was 6 months that things really started to get more fun. And now, even on the sucky toddler-rific days, I’m still really glad that I was lucky enough to have two at once.

    But no, crazy lady at the park today, having kids 15 months apart is NOT “almost the same as having twins.” Jackass.

    “Little Gorilla” is a sweet board book. But beware, the first time or two that you read it, you might cry a little. No? Just me? Sigh.

  8. It’s like HELL for yeah, about 3 months. But then, it gets better. And eventually you don’t know the difference. Welcome to the club. Congratulations – you’ll never sleep again.

  9. My father wisely warned me, on the DAY I had my singleton, that it was “all downhill from here”, he tried to make me understand that the euphoria would wear off and I would be left with an actual live BABY, WTF???

    And he further told me that, when I got to the end of my rope? When I knew I just couldn’t take even another MINUTE with the screaming raw nerve? When I was in tears myself because the goddamn baby would just. Not. Stop. Crying???

    That’s when a baby learns how to smile. And God designed it that way on purpose.

    As parents, we have all walked through that valley of shadow, those days when we doubt what we have undertaken. But then our offspring SMILE at us and we find that we are, in fact, capable of doing this.

  10. As Karl said, I don’t know any different, but raising twins sure seemed like hell – at least for the firt few months. It gets better…and better (except for the back-talking part). Mine just learned to snap themselves into their seatbelts – it was like a choir of angels filled the air…

    Congratulations & welcome to the club!

  11. Can I join the club? Even though my twins are 13 this year?

    I have the one set and they are the only children I have. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I LOVED having twins!!

  12. I admit it. I’m one of the jealous ones! I *always* wanted twins. People to whom I told this would look at me like “you know that’s TWO babies, right?” I still would, although I’m not sure which of my three I’d trade in. It varies from day to day.

    I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have managed, but I did always want that special bond that twins have between my kids.

  13. A friend of mine had twins, and she said one of the hardest things when they were newborn was that they didn’t eat or sleep at the same time.

    Which surprised me, ’cause I thought they just came out on the same schedule or something (I know, dumb. Feel free to smack me on the head).

  14. I never thought about them having each other later and this is a help to you. However the work still sounds overwhelming and I’m wishing you all the strength you need for those out of control days all of our children seem to give us.

    Dorothy from grammology
    grammology.com

  15. You could not have given better advice. It DOES get easier around 3 months and easier again at 6. And a little easier about every 3 months or so. And then at some point it becomes truly awesome to have twins.

  16. It’s pretty much the same way with just one kid — a nightmare at 3 months and better at 6 months. But the logistics/shopping thing with two? I really can’t imagine that. I was terrified with just one. Yea, SO not jealous.

  17. I cannot imagine having twins. The thought scares the shit out of me.

  18. All true. Except that I think it doesn’t get easier until later. :)

    Mine are 5, and I love having twins.

  19. Way to make me cry Sarah Goon Squad Sarah!

    No really, way to go. This was lovely.

  20. I wanted twins, until you had them! I think people that think you took the easy way must not even have one child, or they would know better.

  21. I couldn’t have said this any better. Joining a mom of multiples club…especially one with an online message posting board (for those times when you just can’t make it out of the house but need help from someone who’s been there) and twice yearly clothing and gear sales was a godsend for real.
    There were times during those first few months where I just cried because I swear I felt like my two tag teamed me. One was always away.
    But we make it. And truth be told I wouldn’t have it any different.
    I’m a twin and share a true closeness with my sis and I have twins and I love that they get to share that special relationship .

  22. Awww…that made me get teary-eyed. I did a LOT of spring cleaning this weekend and got rid of all things baby (the decision is made…no more). I also found a lot of preemie clothes and medical records and baby book stuff. It was cathartic…and not really depressing, as I did not love the baby stage. I did cry a lot, though, at the thought of how far they’ve come and that this age that I LOVE…almost 4…will be gone too soon.

    Good advice for your friend. And for the record, your blog (and Becky’s) helped me through my first year, too. Thank God I had those resources to reassure me I wasn’t going to go crazy before their first birthday.

  23. My kids loved the HUG book guess I need to get a new one for our newest addition coming in Aug! Love the twins shirt! Thankfully it would only apply to my boobs not the number of babies in my belly!

  24. Lumpyhead's Mom's friend Sarah says:

    I have a twin sister (and another sister 2.5 years younger), and now look at my mother in awe. I only have one 8-year-old, but I loved growing up a twin: always someone to play with (or fight with), never having to do scary things alone the first time, always having the backup of someone who knows everything about you. Going to college by myself was the first time I’d ever gone alone to a new school – and I was one scared 17-year-old that day!
    My son would have loved to have a sibling (we gave him pets instead); twins get all those sibling benefits plus the specialness of being twins. From the twin perspective, it’s great!

  25. It’s a good club, and surprisingly big one.

    I didn’t notice things getting easier at 3 months, because FMLA maternity leave lasts exactly that long. Going back to work is a different kind of hard… or perhaps I chalked up the fact that things were easier to daycare.

    My girls are three, and it’s definitely easier now. They love to play together, watch out for each other, and help around the house whenever they can. Plus, I’ve found that peer pressure keeps them on good behaviour, most of the time.

  26. I totally loved this post!! You speak the truth, woman!!! I really thought it was possible to die from severe sleep deprivation. The first year with twins was a huge blur for me!! Everyone kept saying “oh wait, it gets easier” and I wanted to yell, “WHEN???? WHEN does it get easier???”. My 1st set of twins are 4 yrs old and my 2nd set of twins are 2 yrs old and I’m still waiting for it to get easier.

    With that said, though, I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said about them going to preschool together and always having a playmate.

    I feel honored to be in the twin moms club. I feel very blessed (but I’m still freakin tired every day).

    I found your blog through Laura’s Mommy Journal! I’m so glad I found you!

  27. It is true, twins are hard. Having them when you lie 1.5 hours away from all of your family & freinds is harder but we did it. My husband and I did it, with no help.
    It gets better and easier. My kids are in kindergarten now and they are so close it warms my heart every day. they hate being apart and they love each other.
    Twins are a blessing and I welcome anyone into our little club.

  28. You are just being nice because we decided to name our boy Ian, right? (Reading your post the name thing just occurred to me).

    Thanks for the advice – I am sure I will call on more of it. I especially appreciate the “you won’t die” part. I may have this tatooed on Chris’s forehead so I can see it.

    Oh, and we love that book.

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