Archives for June 2009

Randomness Part 129

When I was in high school there was this one guy that went to school with us that said he was a vampire, but I always saw him in the day time and I lived in Tampa. Sunny Florida is no Forks and this guy neither melted nor sparkled. Im also pretty sure he ate […]

Not Crazy? Then Explain This.

I have a friend that I have known for twenty years.  Really, we met in 10th grade. Okay, I don’t really want to talk about the fact that 10th grade was actually 20 years ago, but what I do want to talk about it this – Lori is pregnant with her first child.  I am […]

How I Became the Most Hilarious Mother – Ever

This morning I told my kids that if they drank dish washing liquid they would toot bubbles. They think I am the greatest comedian that ever lived.

Goon Squad Will Make You Jump, Jump

Every day my children get dressed. Every day they put their pants on backwards and their shoes on the wrong feet. On purpose. About 50% of the time they will also put their shirts on backwards. Is this some sort of preschool trend I know nothing about? Is Kris Kross making a comeback?

Preemptive Paybacks Are Hell

I was on the phone with Devra today when all of the sudden there was screaming. Claudia was yelling her head off. Screaming screaming screaming. Then they were both screaming. I practically hung up on Devra and ran into Ian’s bedroom. Ian met me half way, sobbing. That usually means he knows he is in […]

Add This to the List of Things I Never Thought I’d Say

“Fine. I don’t even want to be Queen of the Bathroom.”

We Were Nowhere Near the Metro Yesterday

This is just a quick update from the road to say that our family was not injured in the Metro crash yesterday. In fact, the Goon Squad and I weren’t even in the area. We were on I-95 in South Carolina when the accident happened. Thank you to everyone who checked in on us.

Don’t Cannonball too Close to Grandma

Under Pressure

If you ask any of the grandparents around here my kids are perfect except: They should be in swimming lessons. They should be taking Karate. Ian should be in speech therapy. The children need their own computer because I won’t ever let them use mine.* I should pay more attention to the children. I spend […]

The Circle of Life

Last night my father taught my son how “pull my finger” works. It isn’t as if he waited until the twins were five to show them, but now Ian has the secret. You have to wait until you actually have to fart. Last night Ian pulled off his first effective job. He rushed over to […]

Things I Learned in One Hour in New York City

1) There is a thing called Puerto Rican Day. 2) It was yesterday. 3) Puerto Rican Day has a parade. 4) You can buy at least three different styles of tube dresses that say either “Puerto Rico” or “I heart Puerto Rico” on them. 5) Normal people should not wear tube dresses.

The Babymoon Mystery

Have you heard of these babymoons? People who go on vacation when they are pregnant with their first child to have some last time alone, just the two of them? I think this is something that people have only been doing for four years tops because I had never heard of such a thing when […]