How Do You Do a Kiwi?

Have I mentioned that my kids used to be picky eaters? I suppose they are still fairly picky, but in order to make sure that they don’t grow up to be that one guy who only eats chicken breasts, cheese pizza, plain hamburgers and grilled cheese sandwiches on white bread* we have a rule about trying things.

The rule is that each and every night they have to try something that they don’t already eat. They have to take one bite for every year of their lives. We have just graduated to five bites of their “trying thing” each night.

That was kind of a long way to go just to set up a one second story that proves that I still have the maturity level of a twelve year old boy.

After a play date with his new best friend, Ian decided that he wanted to try kiwi.kiwi_whole_and_cut_fruit

I like kiwi, but I have never before purchased and cut up whole kiwis. I’m not sure what my deal is, but I don’t cut up fruit. I have nothing against it. I just never do it. A really good way to make sure a perfectly good melon rots is to give it to me whole. Even when I had those crazy pineapple cravings when I was pregnant I would buy whole pineapples four times a week**, but unless Gabe cut them up for me (which he did because he loves me and also probably because I was extraordinarily moody and everything either made me cry or vomit – but I was gestating two people so you have to cut me some slack) they would just rot on the counter.

I am standing in the kitchen with this little brown kiwi and I know that when I eat kiwi there is no brown present.***

So I yell “Hey Gabe! How do you do a kiwi?”

And as if he has been waiting his entire life for this opportunity he strolls into the kitchen and says:

“Well first you have to go to New Zealand…”

This man is my soul mate.

*Full disclosure – neither of my kids will eat macaroni an cheese, Claudia won’t eat pizza, Ian won’t eat grilled cheese sandwiches and we tried to make them eat non-nugget chicken yesterday and they agreed it was the worst day of their entire lives.

** Only a slight exaggeration. In my second trimester I wound eat an entire whole fresh pineapple in two days. I did this every two days for at least two months. It was sick. I ate pineapple and Count Chocula like they were being discontinued. To the best of my knowledge they still grow pineapples, but I never see Count Chocula anymore.

*** Gabe says you can eat the skin. Is that true?

*** I said “brown present”. Heh.


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  1. No clue on the kiwi question, but this entry made me laugh lots :)

  2. I hope it is true that you can eat the skin, because I have eaten the skin.

    I like inappropriate stories involving fruit. I personally have never been forgiven for declaring, upon being offered a mango-flavored dessert in a middle eastern restaurant my freshman year of college, “I’m a sucker for a good mango.” I don’t think you should have to fly around the world to do a kiwi.

  3. I am too lazy to peel them, so I eat the skin. I am also too lazy to slice them, so I eat them like apples.

    They are better sliced and without skin though.

  4. I think it’s easiest to slice, then peel. But yeah, you can totally eat them whole.

    However, I could also be trying to poison you so I can steal you Le Bernardin vacation.

  5. I peel them. Cut off the ends, then slice the skin off when it’s standing on it’s end. It’s pretty easy if you have a sharp knife.

  6. I’ve never eaten the skin (ewww..it’s fuzzy, wouldn’t that feel weird?).

    I just kind of peel it then slice it.

  7. I’ve always cut them in half and the just eaten the insides out with a spoon. I didn’t think the skin was edible…

  8. I peel the skin, then slice. It’s kind of messy, but I love kiwi, so it’s totally worth it.

    ““Well first you have to go to New Zealand…”, I literally LOL’ed.

  9. I peel ’em and slice ’em.

    One of my kids won’t eat Mac & Cheese either. I don’t think he’s really mine.

  10. I eat ’em like peaches with the skin on. Nummy.

  11. Someone once referred to kiwi fruit as fuzzy monkey balls, and now that’s how I always think of them. Speaking of 12-year-old boy maturity levels, if you arrange two kiwis with a banana, I will giggle for like fifteen minutes straight.

    I don’t eat the skin. I peel them and slice them, or cut them in half and scoop the green part out with a spoon.

    Hey, you know what’s AWESOME? Kiwi martinis. Let’s have those sometime.

  12. I just don’t buy kiwis.

    When I was pregnant all I wanted to eat was apples, any variety. Apples all the time. I was known to buy McDonald’s Apple Dippers twice a day on occasion.

  13. Melissa says:

    I am still choking on my coffee – that story should have come with a warning. I had to explain what was so funny to my coworkers. They lack a sense of humor, apparently.

    I don’t know how to cut kiwi either, although I like it; now that I know I will have to buy some! You’ve provided a valuable public service today.

  14. I don’t eat the skin. It’s too much like the fruit version of ballz.

  15. Thanks for the laugh this morning!

    We cut them in half and the kids scoop them out with a spoon.

    I did not know you could eat the skin. I’m not sure I like the idea.

  16. Come to NJ – we have Count Chocula!!!

    Cut the kiwi in half and spoon out the fruit. Eating the peel just seems yucky – fuzzy skin. BLECH!

  17. That man is a quick one.

    Kiwi’s are good. My wife is allergic to fake kiwi though. Blows up like a ballon.

  18. I thought every kid liked mac n cheese but my 3 year old is almost repulsed.

    Kiwi. I never buy kiwi. I don’t know why. Probably for the same reason, I don’t know what to do with it.

  19. You can eat the skin, or you can peel it. My favorite way, though, is to cut it in half like a grapefruit and scoop out the insides with a spoon.

  20. Cutting them in half and scooping is definitely the best way, but make sure they are soft enough to be scooped.

    You can eat the skin, it’s actually supposed to be good for your skin, but I would not recommend it. You get used to the texture, but most kiwifruit is picked before it is ripe and treated with a gas on the container ships to help it ripen. Also, NZ is more lenient with the types of chemical sprays allowed in agriculture than other Western countries.

    If you can find them, the golden kiwifruit has a slightly thicker, but less hairy skin, and also tastes a little sweeter than the green ones. It was bred to be eaten with the skin.

  21. You can eat the skin if you like to meet it again on its way out. Eww.

    I LOVE kiwi and banana. Mmmmmm

  22. You can eat the skin if you like the feel of itty bitty mouse fur on your teeth.

  23. Fuzzy ballz have elicited quite a response from your readers…

    My kids won’t eat mac and cheese or pizza either.

  24. if you ever make a greatest hits album for your blog, this should be the title track! i’ve sent it to like 3 friends today and they keep yelling at me for making them want to read your whole blog and not do any work today.

    don’t eat the skin. thats gross.

  25. _snort_

    I let a perfectly good Butternut squash rot on my table this week. I would stare at it and not have a clue where to start. Some things are just intimidating!

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