Let me preface this by saying that I am done having children. I have two wonderful kids. I always wanted two children. I have two children. I had a loss and then a really difficult pregnancy. I had to have a blood transfusion when I gave birth. I had spinal fluid leaking in to my bloodstream as a result of my epidural which gives you a headache that is slightly worse than a migraine. Sure, I would love to know what it is like to have a singleton, but two came out the first time and you never know how many would come out the second time. Plus, I’m still not entirely sure what I am supposed to be doing with the two I already have. I am done with babies. That being said –
Babies R Us makes my uterus ache.
It isn’t just Babies R Us either, lest you think they are paying me to say this. The same is true for Carters, or the Target Baby section or any store that has many tiny dresses with bows or jammies with cartoon alligators on them concentrated in one area. Really, even very small shirts with skulls on them make me squeal on the inside. So, no Babies R Us didn’t pay me anything, but even if they had they would probably be on the winning end of things with the amount of cash I dropped in there today.
We have two couples that we are very close to that are both having their first baby. The father of one was the best man in our wedding and the mother of the other one was a bridesmaid. Needless to say I spent far too long and way too much money on these babies. I loooooooove babies that I can hug and kiss and sing to and cuddle and buy things for and then send then hand them to their parents when they poop and I can drive home and sleep through the night.*
The thing is that as much as I don’t want more children stuff like this
makes my body question my decision.
Not my head, mind you, but my body. I actually have a visceral reaction to things like this.
Sure I played it cool, walking slowly down the aisles with my registries in hand, but on the inside I was going OHMYGOD! OHMYHGOD! SQUEEEEE! IT IS THE CUTESTFUCKINGTHING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY WHOLE LIFE! OHMYGOD! I don’t think I was making any actual noise but it is certainly possible.
I am also pretty sure that I ovulated in the aisle that had the sleep sacks.
I guess my point is that when my body was craving a baby when I was 28 and childless it was no surprise. I knew I wanted kids. it made sense. But why would my body do this to me now? I have kids. I’m done. We paid cold hard cash and spent time at a surgical center to make sure we didn’t have any more babies and it is decision I have never regretted, even for a minute. Biology is a crazy thing. For 29 days a month I am barely aware that I have a uterus, but when I walk into a baby store it does the same thing that my stomach does when I smell bacon.**
The good news is that when I walked down the aisle with the diaper genies and the rectal thermometers I got over it.
* Assuming one of my own children doesn’t: pee the bed, have a nightmare, need water, want to sleep in my bed, fall out of bed, claims they aren’t tired, is afraid of E.T., etc.
** Except I want the bacon.