1) What is your favorite novel of all time? (fiction)
2) What is your favorite non-fiction book?
3) Name a book you just quit reading in the middle, something you just could not get through.*
4) Is there an author that you have read everything that he or she has written?**
5) What book made you laugh so hard you embarrassed yourself?
Is it possible for a person to contract male pattern baldness from watching Sports Center and drinking beer?
Because I seem to be shedding.
A lot.
As you probably know, I have twins going into Kindergarten in a few weeks.
12 days, but who is counting?
I am new to the public school system. I’ve never had a child in Kindergarten before, so I’ve been trying to pay special attention to the rules.
I’m not really a detail person, but I went to the orientation a couple of months ago and I made sure I wrote down all of the information on the best way to request placement for the children.
I know that you are supposed to take what you get, but I also asked and they like the parents input when it comes to twins.
About six weeks ago I sent an e-mail to the principal requesting that my children be in different classes but in the same family group. I also requested (for my own reasons, I have no problem with mixed grade classes, I just feel that this would be best for my children) a straight K instead of a K-1 class.
Last week when I took my (very late, don’t even get me started on my pediatrician’s office bureaucracy) health forms into the elementary school office I asked about class placement.
“You wanted them together, right?”
Uh, oh.
I went back and checked the e-mail.
See, I sent the e-mail to the principal from an account I never use. I figured sending an e-mail from goonsquadsarah might gets us off on the wrong foot. I thought my nice old Sarah606 address would look better.
The thing is that I don’t use that old e-mail because it doesn’t work properly.
It never sent.
So NOW I have to send a late e-mail from the goon squad e-mail address begging for not only placement, but forgiveness.
And I feel like an idiot.
And they will probably end up in some class together where they will fist fight each other everyday and tell poop jokes and talk about Death Metal Wednesdays.
And the principal is probably reading this right now after googling “goonsquadsarah” and she is most likely concerned about me starting all of these sentences with the word “and” – and am I supposed to be capitalizing principal?
Kindergarten seemed a lot easier when I was the student. Now it seems extraordinarily complicated.
I’ve got to get back to work. I’m going to have to start saving for their therapy immediately.
That’s right. You heard her.
Death Metal Wednesday.
You heard it here first.
When I was in 10th grade a kid in my school came down with a case of German Measles.
I don’t even remember who it was, but I clearly recall that the incident let to everyone in the school having to go get a vaccination in the library.
I remember this because of my intense fear of needles.
I have three phobias: snakes, tornadoes and needles.
I never said this was going to be a reasonable story.
Anyway, everyone in the school had to go to the media center to get a shot. The only way you could get out of it was either by being pregnant or having something else wrong that might compromise your autoimmune system.
I did the only thing I could – I lied.
I’m not a very good liar. I don’t like lies and I am far too lazy to cover my tracks. I always found that it was easier to just tell the truth and deal with the consequences than it was to lie to my parents in high school.
That used to really piss off my mom. Of course, it didn’t piss her off nearly as much as what I was about to do.
I lied to the nurse in the media center. I told her I probably shouldn’t get the vaccination because I thought I might be pregnant (at the time this could have only have been true due to immaculate conception and I find that Gods rarely choose Atheists as vessels) and that there was a slim change I had mono since one time I shared a can of coke with my friend, Jill, and they thought that she had mono.
Jill didn’t have mono. I didn’t have mono. I wasn’t pregnant.
But I didn’t have to get the shot that day.
This was great! Right up until the next week when the unvaccinated children weren’t allowed to come to school.
When my parents found out I lied so that I didn’t have to get the shot they were furious. Seriously, I don’t have many memories of my mom being more angry than she was that day. See, now she had to take time off of work and take me to get a shot that I could have had for free at school. And now we had to pay for it.
We had to pay $35 and I remember the exact amount because my mother made me pay for it out of my own money, and at the time I was making $2 an hour babysitting. $35 is a lot of babysitting, and I still had to get the stupid shot.
On the upside, my Mom held my hand when they stuck me. She was mad, but she still was still my Mom.
On the downside, I got mono about six months later.
Karma is a cruel mistress.
