Karma is a Cruel Mistress

When I was in 10th grade a kid in my school came down with a case of German Measles.

I don’t even remember who it was, but I clearly recall that the incident let to everyone in the school having to go get a vaccination in the library.

I remember this because of my intense fear of needles.

I have three phobias: snakes, tornadoes and needles.

I never said this was going to be a reasonable story.

Anyway, everyone in the school had to go to the media center to get a shot. The only way you could get out of it was either by being pregnant or having something else wrong that might compromise your autoimmune system.

I did the only thing I could – I lied.

I’m not a very good liar. I don’t like lies and I am far too lazy to cover my tracks. I always found that it was easier to just tell the truth and deal with the consequences than it was to lie to my parents in high school.

That used to really piss off my mom. Of course, it didn’t piss her off nearly as much as what I was about to do.

I lied to the nurse in the media center. I told her I probably shouldn’t get the vaccination because I thought I might be pregnant (at the time this could have only have been true due to immaculate conception and I find that Gods rarely choose Atheists as vessels) and that there was a slim change I had mono since one time I shared a can of coke with my friend, Jill, and they thought that she had mono.

Jill didn’t have mono. I didn’t have mono. I wasn’t pregnant.

But I didn’t have to get the shot that day.

This was great! Right up until the next week when the unvaccinated children weren’t allowed to come to school.

When my parents found out I lied so that I didn’t have to get the shot they were furious. Seriously, I don’t have many memories of my mom being more angry than she was that day. See, now she had to take time off of work and take me to get a shot that I could have had for free at school. And now we had to pay for it.

We had to pay $35 and I remember the exact amount because my mother made me pay for it out of my own money, and at the time I was making $2 an hour babysitting. $35 is a lot of babysitting, and I still had to get the stupid shot.

On the upside, my Mom held my hand when they stuck me. She was mad, but she still was still my Mom.

On the downside, I got mono about six months later.

Karma is a cruel mistress.


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  1. Your Mother says:

    Ah, so many memories…….and so many ways you will get paid back by your two, just like I threatened so many times.

  2. This was a much funnier story than me lying to girls in Vegas, claiming I was a screenwriter… Karma won out in that one too.

  3. That was hilarious!! Thanks for the giggle.

  4. I would have laughed my ass off at you if I was your mother. At my high school, there would have been a good chance you were pregnant. What a difference a Bay makes.

  5. “Gods rarely choose Atheists as vessels.”


  6. Awesome story. I really enjoyed the prose and I really like your blog. It’s really cool. I’m totally subscribing!

  7. well it could have been worse you could have actually taken the time and effort to get pregnant! Were there any rumors circulated that you were based on the lie. (If not what a cool ungossipy school you went to!)
    I love your mom. For making you pay and for holding your hand. That’s the best.
    But still, she could have been happy that you were not with child!

  8. I’m having a good laugh about the mono.

  9. This is a very funny post.

    Snakes, tornadoes, needles….oh my

  10. Great story. Thanks for the chuckle.

  11. I’m scared of needles and spiders.

  12. Ha!

    Better than being preggo 6 months later.

  13. $35 used to be a TON of money. About 10 hours of selling shoes at a J.C. Penney for me.

  14. Karma can be harsh, but sometimes it could be beautiful; imagine if you ended getting pregnant instead of getting mono.

  15. Oh god, I don’t know why this SO made me laugh my ass off. I guess getting mono in the end was funny. At least you didn’t get pregnant becuase of it right?

    Queen of Feisty

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  1. […] The certainty of karma is on full display in Sarah and the Goon Squad’s Karma is a Cruel Mistress. […]