There is Nothing Metal About Crying

Yesterday I told Twitter that Claudia loved grindcore.

Picture 3

I wasn’t just making it up either. We were making her a Pandora playlist. She wanted to thumbs up Children of Bodom and Amon Amarth.

When I told Gabe this story he said that those bands weren’t grindcore, maybe death core or black metal, but not grindcore.

At this point in the story I need to back up a few weeks. Gabe and I were having an argument about which one of us was more metal.

In our defense we had just been to three wine tastings, so it wasn’t like we just talk about this all of the time. Well, okay, maybe we do, but in this particular case we had been in Napa all day drinking wine.

We called the children and had a family vote. The vote was ‘Who in this family is the most metal?”

Gabe voted for Gabe.

Ian voted for Ian.

I voted for myself.

Claudia voted for Ian, Claudia and Daddy.

This vote would make Gabe and Ian tied for the most metal and me and the girl who has both Barbies and Polly Pockets on her Christmas list tied for least metal.

I skipped my Sophomore homecoming dance to go to a Sepultura show. I sang on an Iced Earth album. I’ve been to Morbid Angel’s house. I grew up in Tampa! How could I possibly be the least metal person in any family?

But as I found myself reading the wiki for grindcore I kind of wanted to cry because a truly metal person wouldn’t need to google a wiki (which would be a fantastic name for a disco band) to distinguish between grindcore and deathcore. Would they?

And there is nothing metal about crying.

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  1. I was metal in high school. But I think there were less categories back then. What the fuck is grindcore.

  2. Um… you can’t do this: “In our defense we had just been to three wine tastings…” and consider yourselves “metal” in any way, shape of form.

  3. I’m so much less metal than you are, but I’m sitting here reading this while I wait for my last Georgia lunch and I’m starting to worry about you. 😉 I think I need to com home and maybe we’ll go out and play- like at Jaxx.

  4. Molly Chase says:

    Yeah, and just think, back when you were REALLY metal, the phrase “google a wiki” would have been total jibberish.

  5. I feel less and less metal every single day now that I’m a mother. I honestly can’t differentiate between grindcore and deathcore. I would also have to check with Wiki. My credibility is quickly slipping away!

  6. You would definitely be the most metal in my family.

  7. sherpamama says:

    I’m wondering if I hung out with you in HS! I grew up in Tampa, I got beat up (my sophomore year) in the pit at the Death, Devastation, Fate’s Warning show, and I used to hang out with Savatage. (tho hang out w/ Morbid Angel is wayyyy cooler!)

  8. All I know for sure is that Beavis wore the Metallica shirt. Rock on.

  9. This may sound like blasphemy to you, but I think all those little subgenres of metal are a bunch of poop. Speed metal, death metal, black metal, thrash metal, doom metal, cowboy metal, green metal, bubble metal, banana metal. I bet you can’t even tell where I started to make them up. And it doesn’t matter, because they’re all the same. A metal genre is basically one band doing something infinitesimally unique, and a bunch of other bands copying them.

    If thinking that there is a real difference between all these genres means being more metal, I’d rather stick with chicken liver and molasses.

  10. I am the least metal. I didn’t recognize most of the words in this post, just “Napa”.

  11. Is this written in like Hobbit or something? I don’t understand a damn thing you’re talking about. I’m with clumberkim, I had to read it twice to realize you weren’t talking about Star Wars characters.

  12. I’m not very metal but think that all these metal sub genres are crazy. Maybe if I were more metal, they wouldn’t all sound the same to me.

    Also, really wishing my computer had a working sound card because that cartoon looks like it would be sweet!

  13. Weren’t the Granny Smiths of the apple core genre?

    It’s okay. I preslapped myself so Sarah doesn’t have to…

  14. Wow I had to re-read part of the post because I know nothing about metal but the comments helped LOL
    The cartoon was funny although like someone else said I barely knew any of the words….


  15. Wow. I do not recognize a single one of the bands you mentioned.

    I am old.

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