White Belt

You will never guess what I did.

I signed up for Tae Kwon Do.

Well, I was tricked into signing up for Tae Kwon Do.

Let me back up a little bit.

My five year old son has been dying to take Tae Kwon Do ever since he found out that his best friend at preschool was taking it. I finally got around to signing him up for it a couple of weeks ago.

There was a special where you got your first four lessons and a do-bok (that is how you say little white outfit in Korean) for $79. It isn’t cheap, but he was all about it and my husband and I both thought he would get a lot out of it especially in the area of body control.

You know how little boys are always running in to things.

After two lessons (which he adored) his twin sister decided that she might like it too. So I signed her up.

Last Tuesday I took them in for his fourth lesson and her second lesson. Before the class even started I was whisked in to the office where the Master sat – not one of the underling masters but The Master, the main man, the guy that owns the joint.

It was time for the hard sell.

I don’t have the exact figures but signing the two of them up for a year came to somewhere around one million dollars.

Okay, it was significantly less than one million but also significantly more than I had in my bank account. In fact, thinking about it makes me want to vomit, but I knew it was the right thing to do. Both children love it, it is marvelous exercise and a lot of their friends from school are in there.

Then The Master says to me “What about you?”

I am thinking: There is no fucking way. There are like four other adults here in the kids classes and they all look like gigantic tool bags. The last thing I need to do is spend another $800 to look like an asshole.

My subconscious has a filthy mouth.

I am saying “No. I really can’t afford it.”

Then The Master drops the bomb. “I will give you one year for free if you take the class with the children. It helps them learn at home and stay involved.”

Oh Shit. I think. How can I turn down a year of free Tae Kwon Do? This would actually give me something to write about on Loser Moms.

The Master said that he would give me the free year, but I actually had to show up. If I didn’t actually take the classes he was going to charge me.

So I said yes.

But I was scared.

Really. I didn’t want to do it. My kids were through the roof excited, but I was very apprehensive.

I didn’t want to look like an idiot.

What if I sucked at it?

What if it was hard?

What if all of the five year olds were better than me?

But I had committed to this.

So yesterday I had my first lesson. It was awkward. I had no idea what the lady was saying. Some other parents I knew were there watching their children. But when we broke up in to groups I knew everybody in my group. It was me, Ian (5), Claudia (5), Paige (5) and Emma (6).

I think I probably did look like a tool, but it was kind of fun.

And I wasn’t too bad at it.

And Emma’s mom was really nice about it. She gave me a thumbs up and everything.

So yeah.

Goon Squad Sarah do-bok

My name is Sarah and I am a white belt in Tae Kwon Do.


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  1. FREE?

    Dude, you can’t afford NOT to do it.

  2. Good for you! One of the ladies that does it at Eric’s school lost over 100 lbs! At his school, the adults white belts don’t take the same class as the kids. In fact, the kids don’t even get regular belts until they are 7.

  3. you are fucking awesome.

  4. oh my god, and also? now any time you think you are making some kind of parenting mistake you can be like, “Whatever! I’m taking Tae Kwan Do with my children. I’m awesome!”

  5. That is fabulous. We need video.

    It reminds me of the time I was camp counselor for a group of autistic kids and we took them to the pet store. The owner was showing them the 30 ft long 200 lb snake but they were scared of it. Silly kids. He wanted me to pet it so they would relax. As if.

    Then the phone rang. HE PUT THE SNAKE AROUND MY SHOULDERS. Now all the kids LOVED the snake. Which did not like all the attention and I SWEAR started squeezing me. I had to go sit in the van the rest of the field trip.

    At least you won’t die from the little white outfit.

  6. take the 6 year olds down. no mercy.

  7. Ha! Sarah, I love this….my very first blog post ever was about my free tae kwon do lesson…sister, you’re in better shape than I! Go get ’em, Girl.
    (I’ve kept my white belt….maybe you’ll inspire me…. 😉 Maybe I’ll tell our kids’ master about the “free year!”)

  8. That is so kickass! Claudia & Ian are going to look back on this with great memories, I’m sure of it. I’m with you, I’d probably feel like such an asshole myself, but, dude. It’s FREE. And it’s Tae Kwan Do! And you’re doing it with your kids. High fucking five!

    And Lori’s comment? I’d have died. Right there on the spot. I would have been that snakes next meal. Ugh!

  9. Two things made me crack up…that your subconscious has a filthy mouth and that you knew everyone in your group.

    If I was EVER going to do something like that (which, let’s face it, I probably won’t because I am far too self-concious), a class of 5 year-olds sounds like the perfect setting. They’re probably somewhere around my skill level and I feel more at home with a room full of kids than adults. I think you are awesome!

  10. I think it’s great that you joined – and love the instructor’s offer – great idea on his part, too.

  11. LOVE this! And your kids will remember how cool you were (at least when they were 5) FOREVER.

  12. You look so bad ass. Are you going to take your new found skills and go all vigilante on the criminal element in the DC area? You totally should.

  13. Next step….NINJA!

  14. Okay, you are going to love it! I took tae kwon do as a kid and it was amazing. So incredibly in shape, flexible, etc. I can’t wait to put my daughter in it and in fact I have even thought about re-enrollingmyself. Can’t wait to hear what you think about it!

  15. You look fierce!

  16. Anon e mouse says:

    I think this officially makes you the most metal in your household–because if the hubby says otherwise, you can now kick his ass!
    I love that it’s free unless you don’t show up…

  17. Awesome! Between your martial arts skills and my boxing we are going to be kick ass blogging street fighters! Or something close to that.

    You are getting a nice workout doing this.

  18. I echo the rest when I say AWESOME! And also: You are so much cooler than any Mom I know (mine excluded of course). I mean seriously, this is rad. I hope you enjoy it! You do look badass in the “little white outfit,” which is a bonus.

  19. I think that’s great! I was a yellow belt when I had to lay off because I got knocked up with the twins! I was in a mixed class, too, 6 year olds up to black belts. I would go easy on the kids and then they’d kick my ass, the brats. It was fun and great exercise! I would love to go back and totally intend to…someday. Kids have to be 6 to take it here so maybe then…Best of luck to you! Practice those katas! And your kiai, practice that too.

  20. And that outfit is TOTALLY you! 😉

  21. Oh, and remind me to be REALLY nice to you at Mom 2.0

  22. 1) So friggin awesome!
    2) at some point in our lives, we all look like tool bags – but if you can use it to humiliate your kids – even better!
    3) next time your kids get out of line, you can tae kwon do their asses – as long as they aren’t doing better than you in class!

  23. This is awesome! I actually studied Tae Kwon Do for years through high school and college and made it up to a Brown Belt. I quit when work and grad school got in the way of my training and now totally regret it. I’ve vowed to get back into it after this baby is born. Not only is it an amazing physical workout, the mental stuff is pretty cool, too. Think about it: if you can break a board with your fist what CAN’T you do?

  24. How GREAT that your kids are young enough to WANT you in their class! :)

  25. Bozoette took my word – and not in the annoying trendy sense of the word either.

    Knock ’em dead!

  26. No Sarah, You are such a BAD ASS!!!!
    You Rock!

  27. You do look HOT in the outfit. That alone is worth the price of admission.

  28. A) You are an awesome mom for letting your kids do Tae Kwon Do.
    B) You are an awesome mom for agreeing to join in the fun.
    C) You look totally BADASS in the outfit!

  29. Holy crap, your Master is a GENIUS. Because I think he’s right, the fact that you are in class really will help the kids practice the move properly outside of class time. And it gives the three of you something in common, which is awesome. AND it turns you in to a future client (becaus I’m sure he won’t comp your tuition once you’re hooked next year, ha ha!)

    I am soooooo going to tell our Master about this!

  30. You are the best mom ever.

  31. That is adorable.

  32. Dude. I’ll drive to Virginia if it gets me a year of free Tae Kwon Do. How cool.

    Also? Youse a badass.

  33. Hey hottie!

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