And People Wonder Why I Act Crazy

When I was brushing my teeth and putting in my contacts this morning my children were making their breakfast and talking off their clothes.

As I walked down the hall I could hear them singing: Happy birthday to me, I’m 103, I’m still in pre-school and I am naked.

It isn’t their birthday, they are out of pre-school and it isn’t a very good rhyme but the unclothed part was true.

Both of them were sitting at the dining room table butt ass naked and eating bagels.

(Butt ass naked sounds right in my head, but looks crazy typed out like that.)

See Mommy! We’re naked!

Then they laughed like it was the funniest thing that had ever happened. I smiled at them, put the cream cheese back in the refrigerator, made some coffee and then announced it was taco day at school as if everything was normal.

Because at least they weren’t fighting or crying.

It turns out that nudity is something I can handle in the morning and you know what else? Nobody got on the bus with food on their clothes today.

I would say over all that the naked breakfast, although completely unexpected, still made more sense than “Naked Lunch.”


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  1. Noelle likes to take off her pants when going potty. All the way off. Then she proudly points out what she did in the toilet but that’s another story. The other day she came to dinner without pants and while that was a bit distracting, it doesn’t even come close to naked breakfast time.

    Some battles are not worth fighting….

  2. My two love to be nekkid, and sing nekkid. We have a “no being naked downstairs” rule though (only for the kids if you know what I’m saying *wink wink*). My kids just make up songs about whatever the hell they are doing at any given moment. Crazy.

  3. you can brush your teeth & put in your contacts at the same time?!? whoa. color me impressed.

  4. Wow. I thought I was the only one who ate breakfast in the nude.

  5. yammeringon says:

    my kids are naked more often than not. If we’re home. We have one clothing rule:if someone other than immediate family is in sight you you, you must cover your butt. As my daughter is fond of enforcing “nobody want to see your penis.” Well, not for at least another decade, I hope.

    Because this is our only rule, it mens the children go out dressed wildly inappropriately more often than not. They wear duck suits to them all, the boy wears frilly dresses to school, you name it. I figure they’ll grow out of it someday and in the meantime I should just be thankful that we don’t have to fight about hoochie momma clothes yet.

  6. Folks who visit us always ask 3B why he has his shirt off. He looks at them as if they asked him to eat their socks and replies as if the answer were as obvious as the sun in the sky, “Because I’m KISS.”

    I’m always shocked when I come home and he has his shirt on. My first question is, “What went wrong?”

  7. I saw Naked Lunch at the theater with a friend and we were . . . well, we were. It was one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever done.

    As to naked kids, I figured as long as my daughter was dressed for the weather outside, I was o.k. with whatever she wanted inside. Now, of course, she’s INSANELY modest. Prudish, even. Which I’m happy about, so why am I complaining?

  8. OMG, I should NOT have used this as reading material to get me through a boring meeting. It was all I could do not to LOL in front of most of the company’s executive staff.

  9. Hahaha, that’s great! What is it with kids and nakey time?

    I love your attitude about it though. You’re absolutely right…at least they had clean clothes and if they eat like my middle child, that in and of itself is a miracle 😉

  10. “Happy Birthday to me, I read blogs and eat cheese, I’m reading this post and I’m naked.”

    Just kidding. It’s only cute if a little kid does it, I see that now.

  11. This was hands-down the best post I could have possibly read at right this moment. Seeing as just this morning my daughter crawled over to her breakfast and stripped off her diaper before digging in. (It’s just homemade puffs and I serve them on the floor because, well, it’s alot less brain damage than getting her into the high chair. Also, she’ll sit still on the floor whereas she apparently thinks the high chair is meant to be rocked back and forth, therein scaring me shitless.)

    Naked breakfasts are fun!

  12. At this point, naked meals seem like a good idea. Tonight after dinner Ada and her friend were yelling that Ian had poop coming out of his diaper. When I took a peek I saw it was not poop, but a mushroom and a piece of sausage from the pizza he’d eaten. Perched on the BACK of his diaper.

  13. heh. AND they were being creative.


  14. Lumpyhead's Mom's friend Sarah says:

    My 9-year-old still likes to be naked. “Look at me, I’m naked!” is a common refrain most evenings before shower time, as he poses in the door or streaks through the house. Our one rule: you are not allowed to sit down while naked, which I think precludes a number of other rules.

  15. Sounds better than “butt gesterations” which is what goes on in my house. Both kids get naked and bump butts together while yelling, “Let’s do butt gesterations!” Sigh…

  16. All I saw was a mugwump and I had to know what the post was about. William S. Burroughs was a god to me during a very misspent youth.

    That being said, Captain Chaos is already exhibiting signs of nudist predilections. He crawls away from me as fast as possible the moment his diaper comes off.

    He comes by it honestly. There are a few folk on one side of his family who like the nudity (not saying which side..). And the sight of those little brown buns scurrying away from me is just too cute. Until he pees on something, anyway.

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