On Top of the World (for about five seconds)

The Goon Squad and I were totally rocking out on the way home from Tae Kwon Do. I still had a couple of my 80s hair metal CDs in the car from when Laurie and I went to the M3 concert on Saturday and the kids and I were listening to some Guns N’ Roses.

From the rear view mirror I could see my daughter flashing me the devil horns from her car seat and I thought:

This is the life. This is freaking awesome.

I was all “Hey, you guys like Guns N’ Roses? Cool. I love this album!”

And my kids were super cool they were all “Yeah, we like rock and roll!”

They were even thrashing a little bit. This is what parenthood should be like, right? Your kids are supposed to like what you like.

For example, my son is absolutely obsessed with all things Star Wars. He probably says the words “General Grievous” at least twelve times a day on average. He keeps asking me if I like the Rebels or the Sith better, and if I say the rebels then I am lame because clearly the Empire is far superior and he would be happy to explain why in great detail.

It is a little bit freakish, but I have remind myself that at our wedding his father and I chose to walk into our reception to “The Imperial March” by John Williams, so I guess glass houses and stones and apples and trees and such.

I was feeling really good for the first time in a while. I was enjoying being a mom. I was having fun. That was when it hit me.

“It’s So Easy” has a lot of curse words in it. I mean A LOT.parental-advisory-explicit-lyrics-warning-label

Axl Rose sure says “fuckin’ ” a lot. Maybe I have overestimated my parenting skills. Perhaps I should hit skip a few times and see if I can find something more appropriate. Oh yes, “Mr. Brownstone”.  A song about heroin is much more suitable for six year olds. Skip. Skip. “Your Daddy works in porno now that mommy’s not around…” Skip. Skip. Skip. “I’ve been thinkin’ bout thinkin’ bout sex…”. Screw it, I give up. We’ll listen to “Rocket Queen” and I will just answer any uncomfortable questions about what that means when we get home. I mean, can it be any more awkward than explaining c-sections, pubic hair or why they should stop saying “sexy lady” so much? Nope. I’m good.

Then we enjoyed the rest of our ride. We rocked some more.

And when we got home I distracted them with food.

I’m either a really good mom or the master of misdirection. Did I tell you guys about the free Bon Jovi tickets?


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  1. LMAO

    We were having a 80’s Hair rock-a-thon last weekend in the car during a Vermont trip and I had almost the exact same thought process watching my 5 year old rock out to GNR in the backseat.

    Oh and we walked into our reception to the “Throne Room/End Title”.

  2. This is why we are friends. That and you had the Imperial March at your wedding. Love it.

    On Monday I had The Comedian jammin’ to Juvenile. Is that wrong?

  3. we run into the same cursing problem with Ben Folds.

  4. My 3 year-old LOVES “Paradise City”. We heard “Mr. Brownstone” on the radio a couple of weeks ago and I was very thankful that the radio station bleeped it where necessary.

  5. Flashing the devil horns from her car seat…you’ve taught her well! I think that is totally worth possibly having to explain Rocket Queen.

  6. Great taste in music…eh, just go with the contextual angle. Maybe that’ll be okay.

    But I hear ya on the lovin’ it when the kids love your music too!

  7. I think all of us have had that realization. For me it came when 3B started reciting chapters of books to his teachers verbatim and acting out all of the roles.

    Now what’s worrying me is that I know he’s got all those lyrics locked in his head from the time before that realization…and I’m not sure what will trigger their release.

  8. I had to stop listening to Grandmaster Flash Rapper’s Delight in the car because the boys were starting to understand what the words meant. Yeah, that and White Lines are not necessarily meant for kids under the age of 6 are they?

  9. my kid listens to all kinds of inappropriate music. but he knows what words he’s not allowed to repeat and I regularly school him on the basics of the objectification of women. Sex and drug content we’re slowly getting to. It might be easier to just censor the shit out of everything that he listens to, but we have to talk about this stuff some time. might as well have a good soundtrack while we’re doing it.

  10. Heh. Even with the inherent profanity issues, I say that you are doing a noble thing by making sure your kids learn how to ROCK.

  11. I was watching a video I took of my 2-year old, and my husband said “what are you listening to?!!”. I realized that the show Archer had been playing in the background… a LOT of swearing, nudity and sex in that. Just because it’s a cartoon, I guess that doesn’t fly. No more Archer for you!

    I deleted the evidence. Can’t have my mother seeing that. :)

  12. My friend just told her ten – almost 11 year old the facts of life. I told her it was time since I’d already done the dirty task three times. So she asked her son if he knew what “sex” was and his response was, “they say it in songs a lot”. But other than that…no clue what it meant…so you’re good for a bit!

  13. I actually have a playlist on my ipod that is supposed to be kid friendly. I screwed up on some & have to quickly skip. Of course I was trying to put something on Justin’s mp3 player, with Eric watching. We were looking through Ritch’s music & found “Fuck you”. Yea!

    I should just give up, they know the “bad words” already.

  14. You’re a better mother than I am! I am constantly listening to music that has bad words in it with my daughter (9) around. I do, however, skip songs that have “adult situations” in it (sex, drugs, etc.). One of my biggest parenting downfalls is my language. I’ve got the mouth of a sailor all the time. Luckily my daughter has never repeated the words (I did try to tone it down when she was a toddler and repeating everything), and knows they’re wrong. She even yells at me when I use them.

  15. see…that’s why i don’t believe in censoring art. and why one of my kids’ favorite songs is a mashup of the beatles “right now” with nine inch nails’ “closer”…”i wanna f*** you right now…over me.” ahem. not my best moment. :)
    pick me………chicago……or the orphans get it……..

  16. It’s going to be something. At least GNR had a great beat and you could rock out to it. I mean, you’re not drinking plastic cups full of cheap beer on your way to a party, right? You’re fine.

    Of course, we raised our kid on a diet of rap and punk, so . . . I am the arbiter of what’s decent and not in parenting skills, evidently.

  17. Michelle says:

    Gabriel has been using the word “sexy” quite a bit lately. It also doesn’t help that I have total potty humor. We had one of those fun parent moments yesterday bonding over fart jokes. We also did Jedi mind control by moving our pinky toe. Try it sometime, at least 15 minutes of fun.

  18. My 84-year old mom was decrying modern music today. Because of all the screechy electric guitars. I just nodded along.

  19. You covered the grounding concept this week. One step at a time.

    Then again, I’m the person who thinks “Now why don’t you just fuck off?” in my head a la Axl when people irritate me, so I’m just a bad influence all around. At least I don’t say it out loud.

  20. smart aleck says:

    Now you know why Tipper went all crazy about lyrics years ago–she probably had to explain one of their old hippie songs to the kids years ago, and took it out on the whole industry!

  21. Place: Our kitchen
    Date: 199-something

    My daughter belting out Henry Rollins
    at the tender age of 3:

    “There stood a man with a notice sayin’
    Failure to support
    I said, Mmmmmmm, Next Time
    Next time? What do you mean Next Time?
    He said no, next time, you comin’ home right now
    They took me to see an old friend of mine
    Yeah district court, room 229
    Judge said your payments are way behind
    I said, Don’t worry daddy, it
    won’t happen next time”

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