Accepting That I Might Not Be The Most Metal in My Family

It is an issue that has long been debated in my household – who is the most metal member of our family?

This question generally results in a four way tie since we all invariably vote for ourselves.


Each family member has their own reasons and as much as my friend White assures me that my cat Sid is more metal than me, I assert that I am the only one in this house who ditched the Homecoming dance in high school to go see Sepultura.

Pretty metal, right?

Sadly, it doesn’t quite compare to turning each “a” in your name into skulls and crossbones.


Yes, it would appear my six year old daughter has surpassed me in metalness. Metalhood?

Fine. I accept that. I guess you always try to raise your children to be better people that you are, to have just a little bit more that you had. I will consider this as a success.
Speaking of things I am choosing to consider successes, Babble has done me the honor of choosing me as one of their Top 50 Mom Bloggers of 2010. Agree or disagree with their list, I am flattered to be mentioned in the company of the other 49 women. Really, I squeaked in at #47 but I like it  because John Lynch wore #47 and John Lynch was not only a badass, but also super hot.

I said that like he was dead, but he is still alive. Sorry John.

I debated whether to write about the Babble list thing or not. I know it is controversial and I know a lot of people think that the list is flawed, but I am on a new mission to not bury my accomplishments. I was talking to my husband about my issues and he pointed out that maybe I was not taken seriously because I spent so much time trying to downplay my achievements. I thought I was being polite, I thought I was being humble. It turns out I was just convincing people that I didn’t really do anything worthwhile, and that has really been working against me.

Plus, it isn’t very metal.

But this is.


You can tell by the umlaut.

[photo: TBO]

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  1. You should right about it. Who cares if the list is flawed, you are on it! CONGRATS!

  2. 1. My vote counts as five votes, ensuring that I always win any family contest.

    2. I was going to suggest that maybe the skull and crossbones thing was because Claudia has more “a”s in her name, but no, she doesn’t.

    3. You are badass. You deserve to be on that list. You rock. Congratulations!

    4. Umlauts are also badass.

  3. at least you are still more metal than Ian.

    congrats on the list, you fucking winner, you! way to go.

  4. smart aleck says:

    Congratulations!!! You making the list just made it unflawed (a new word–feel free to use it).

    If you adopt me, you will always be more metal than at least one other family member. And I can be bribed with chocolate on a few days each month to vote for other people.

  5. My 19 month old is definitely more metal than I am. And that? Makes my little black heart happy.

  6. You are right about accepting 2nd place in the Good Squad Metal competition. (Also? Laurie needs to go by White Snake Laurie.)

    And Babble is right adding you to their list – you rock and you deserve to be there! Own it!

  7. Also? Goon Squad. Duh.

  8. I’m so proud that I’m the first person she shared those skulls with. (What?)

    I have it on good authority that White thinks you are perfect anyway and did not need Babble to confirm this. Regardless, when I (White) saw the nice feature/bio/photo thing that Babble in their infinite wisdom put together about you, I was very excited for you because your accomplishments SHOULD be recognized in this weirdo industry. You should feel good about them every day and no, not understate them in any way whatsoever.

    ALSO, in spite of my allegiance to Sid, (who does not give a fuck about anything, up to and including the Babble list, hence my conclusion) I am not going to shows with the rest of your family (yet — the kids are young) or your cat, so perhaps my sweeping public statements regarding metalness should be taken with a grain of salt.

    And all of that said, if you bring up how you’re #47 again or “squeaked in” or blahblahblah etc. I am going to kick things. Those numerical ratings mean nothing. They pulled Bingo numbers out of one of those little balls with the crank and that is the one you got. Besides, number 47 on this list means that approximately 999,953 other people are not on it.

    That is a lot of thinking before 9 a.m.

  9. Actually, it means that 999,950 people are not on it.

    I just went to make coffee and thought about throwing out that other incorrect number and realized yet again what a numerical moron I am.

    It sounded good at the time, though. I impressed myself with my wrongness.

  10. I also do the “Oh no, it’s no big deal” thing but if I had made that list I would be hiring a choir to walk around behind me and sing about it everywhere I went. You deserve the praise and the recognition!

    (Also, I totally thought you were arguing about who was more MENTAL in your family. My reading skills are teh awesome.)

  11. This … ÖMG … so awesome — good thing we’re happily married to other people or I’d probably like *pursue* you across many states 😉 And you are raising your kids right. \m/ \m/ !!!

  12. I think I may refer to you as “Sarah, Umlaut Sarah” from now on.

  13. You rock.

    Umlaut and all.

  14. OOooooo, an umlaut!
    You are truly showing your badassary!

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