Just One Simple Question

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  1. Pigfucker.

    I thank/blame my husband for introducing that one to me.

  2. My bad phrase of choice right now is ‘Jake Delhomme’, because it combines everything bad into one convenient name.

    Dear Jake Delhomme

    Please quit.

    A Cleveland Browns Fan Who’s So Very Tired Of Being Emotionally Raped

  3. I understand, I still us “Dilfer” as an insult.

    As in “You are such a fucking Dilfer.”

  4. I have many, as you know. My favorites are as follows:

    Pretty much any and all variations of fuck.

    Those assholes over there.
    Fucking assholes.
    Stupid fucking assholes.
    Oh no, you go, stupid bitch.
    Oh no, don’t mind me, asshole.
    (That was the road rage section.)

    Jackhole (this is a new acquisition. I’m not even sure what it means but I enjoy it immensely.)
    Son of a bitch.
    God damn son of a bitch.
    Son of a bitchin’ Bob (this is a direct quote from What About Bob that my sister and I use frequently.)
    Fucking asshole.
    (He or she can…) kiss my flat white ass.

    There are more but I’ll stop there. I am a terrible person.

    My nanny — my great-grandmother — used to tell me she never went to communion because she said “bastard” too much and hadn’t gone to confession. I can’t even go to confession anymore.

  5. I like the classics.

  6. Fuck. I just love saying it. Am trying to say effing instead. Because my toddler is a dam sponge these days. Then again he announced on Thanksgiving that he was thankful for his wiener, so I may be too late.

  7. Pigfucker.

    I can thank/blame my husband for introducing me to that one.

  8. Fuck.
    As in: Fuck this. WTF (or W.T.F…FFFFF!). Fuckity fuck fuck fuck and Effing Hell.

  9. You can never go wrong with motherfucker, or its plural, motherfucks.

  10. I enjoy swearing on a regular basis, as you know.

    Fucking asshole.
    Fuck off.
    Pretty much any variation of fuck. It is one of my favorite words.

    God damn son of a bitch.
    Oh no, you go, stupid bitch.
    No, after you, fucking chucklehead.
    (That is the road rage section.)

    Son of a bitch.
    Jackhole. (That’s a fairly recent acquisition. I’m not sure where it came from but I like it.)

    Son of a bitchin’ Bob. (This is lifted from What About Bob. My sister and I say this all the time.)
    Kiss my flat white ass.

    I’ll stop because this box ate my comments once because of my filthy mouth and I’m sure it will do it again.

    I am a terrible person. That said, my nanny (my great grandmother) used to stay back from communion at church and tell me she couldn’t go because she said “bastard” too much and she hadn’t gone to confession. Let’s just say I haven’t been to confession in 15 years.

  11. Fuck, or any version thereof. And my favorite versions are “fuck a duck” and “fuck me running” It’s probably a good thing I don’t have kids :)

  12. I love saying “cuss” I probably overuse it daily. It makes me giggle. I am also 12.

  13. “Balls!” Its not a cuss word but its still pretty inappropriate. Plus it makes me laugh!

  14. Fuck. It’s nice and round and crisp. And it gets your point across. Variations: fuckface, fucker, motherfucker, fucking fuck, fuck this shit, and fuck your mother

  15. The day a sailor told me I had a bad mouth, I knew I was in trouble.

    I like some of the standards when making a point or a judgement: Jackass and Shit head — oh, and also Asshat.

    But any slew could come out of my mouth on a reactive basis at any time. Sad but true.

  16. Without question: Motherfucker.

  17. It would be fucking motherfucker. No doubt. Or just plain FUUUUUUCK. Or what the fuck.

    Thanks for asking. 😉

  18. I respect anyone who puts this on their blog.
    I am partial to “Fuck me!” If questioned, I simply say it was not cursing but a simple request. I also you variations where I say where and how.

  19. Horseshit. When appropriate, this is a perfect word.

    As an excited utterance, I tend to say OH FUCK YOU or Mother FUCKER. I usually don’t say OH FUCK YOU to people, but to car doors, pots that burn me etc. To people I say FUCK OFF MOTHERFUCKER.

    And to people who say cussing reveals a lack of creativity, I say That’s fucking horsesheeet, you fucking motherfucker. God Fucking Damn. Where the FUCK do you get off?


  21. I forgot bullshit. I say that all the time. So Deb and I are kind of the same.

  22. Douchebag or douche. Everyone is a douche. Everyone is doing something douchey. This one is said most often while driving because everyone in Maryland turns into a fucking douchebag behind the wheel. Like the douche that almost hit me the other day and then honked his horn at me. Fucking douchebag.

    Fuck is definitely high up on the list because of the way it can be used in any situation in so many ways. Favorite phrases include “fuck a duck” “fuck me in the goat ass”

    And cocksucker. That one’s just fun to say.

    And my all time favorite naughty phrase is best used when someone asks you a stupid question. Say you just got out of the shower, walk downstairs with a robe on and hair soaking wet and your man says “did you take a shower?” you say “is a pig’s pussy pork?”

  23. Is this the part where I tell the internet that Deb and I are friends and I was laughing a lot when I typed that?

    I’m talking to myself now, that’s cool. I’m going to get some happy hour snacks now.

  24. In English, I’m very partial to “for fuck’s sake”.
    But I swear a lot in French too (that’s what comes of living in France for 18 years…), and my go-to word is “putain” (“poota(n)”), which really means “prostitute” but is actually used more or less as punctuation in just about any situation – “putain, it’s raining!” or “I already told you, putain, that it’s bedtime!”, you get the drift.
    My delightful, well-brought up, Catholic school-educated daugthers *cough*, aged almost 9 and 6.5, frequently use “merde” (French for “shit”) and have even been known to use “putain de merde”, which just has a certain elegance, I feel, though possibly not in a blond-haired, blue-eyed 6-year-old…
    Yup, total parent fail for “speaking nicely”, I’m afraid…

  25. GODDAMMIT. In that exact all-caps tone.

  26. smart aleck says:

    Fuck me hard.

    I try to just use Duuuuuuude in traffic so I don’t get shot.

    I’d like to use motherfudgecakes, a phrase I learned from an old neighbor’s son, but my real list looks more like Laurie’s. Ask my neighbor, who hears me passive aggressively yell about her and the stereo that knows no morning or evening curfews.

  27. twatwaffle!

    Just like to throw that around for effect.

  28. Bush

  29. Laurie,

    FUCK. You. No, really: Fuck.YOU, Motherfucker.

    Love you,you fucked up little mothefucker!


  30. cuntbucket and douchnozzle

  31. My fav at the moment is Holy Fuck-Balls with Christ on a Cracker as a close second.

  32. Go fuck your hat.
    That guy can go fuck his hat.
    Also, cocksucker.

  33. Oh I forgot one: Linkbaiting Taintface. I LOVE that one.

  34. As in, “That Linkbaiting Taintface can go fuck her hat.”

  35. ClumberKim says:

    I learned swear words by lip reading while watching sports. Hockey Night in Cananda was very educational, but cocksucker can only be learned watching baseball. My current favorites are British and, therefore, ridiculous. Bloody hell, and bollocks, for example.

    I also like jackwagon.

  36. Douchebag. I’m partial to Fucker too.

  37. You stupid dumbshit goddamn motherfucker!

    I heart The Offspring.

  38. I am just sitting here in stunned amazement that someone else says “Fuck me in the goat ass.”

  39. Cousin Wendy says:

    Fuck. Definitely fuck. It’s so much fun to say. It just rolls off the tongue. Fuck. Fuuuuuuck.

    Closely followed by a very succinct “shit.”

  40. Definitely motherfucker. I said that fucking word about fifty times in the past four hours. Also suitable: muhfucker.

  41. (I’m so glad that I waited to come read all of these. I knew the comments were going to be good.)

    I think all variations of shit are my all-time favorites. Shit, shithead, dumbshit, Oh shit. However, fuck and it’s variations come in a very close second, and dammit frequently makes the rounds.

    Yes, I could make a sailor blush.

  42. Well, these comments just made my night complete. Clearly fuck – in all it’s forms – is the best curse word to use. The best word I ever heard (but don’t use myself): Queef (which means pussy fart).

  43. Fuck.

  44. Fuckjob. Asshat.

    I am also a big fan of “holy balls” as an excited exclamation.

  45. Also, one time a co-worker/friend told me to “shut your cum dumpster” as a way to tell me to shut up. I guess it’s not technically a swear, but it was epic.

  46. Fucking hell.

    Also, that T-shirt has it out of order. You haver to say shitfuckdamn, not fuckshitdamn. Has a better ring.

  47. I’m partial to fucknuckle. And Cunter McCunterson. Because I reek of class.

  48. “Fuck me sideways,” is my go-to, although “Jesus H. Christ on a [insert the most improbable conveyance that springs to mind]” is nice if I’m feeling effusive.

    That’s what I like about this blog…it’s always classy.

  49. Fucktard – says it all

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