I’ll Never Grow Up

You know what word is funny?

Boner.

Yes, I know I am immature and I have embraced that about myself, but admit it. You laughed when you read boner didn’t you?

Whatever, here is why I bring it up. During the Monday Night Football game this week (thanks a LOT Jets, you cost me my office pool) they were of course advertising Cialis or some other wiener medication and the guy on the commercial was running through the list of possible side effects: headaches, memory loss, stuffy nose, back pain, upset stomach, blurred vision and I said to Gabe “Oh my God! I think somebody is slipping me Cialis. I have ALL of those side effects!”

Now. I really do have all of those side effects. Probably mostly due to aging and poor diet. But the thing is I really said “Oh my God! I think somebody is slipping me Cialis. I have ALL of those side effects… well, those and this raging boner.”

And then I laughed for a good five minutes – not because of my wit and not because I was uncomfortable when I realized I have all of those ailments and I’m not even sick – no, I was laughing that hard because I said boner.

I am somebody’s wife and  mother of two functioning humans. I have three successful businesses. I am a well-respected blogger.

And I think the word boner is absolutely hysterical.

You know what else is funny?

*snort*

My husband works with a gentleman that is trying to bring back the phrase “pop a boner”. I’ve been trying to work it into my everyday speech, but it is surprisingly hard to use in a sentence. The closest I have come so far is “Hey! Pop a boner.” and instead of people thinking that is funny they just assume I am hitting on them, so I am not using that one again.

Anyway, if you are even still reading this nonsense, can you help me come up with a sentence in which the phrase “pop a boner” could be used outside of a middle school?

Thank you in advance for your assistance.

ps – boner

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  1. sueinithaca says:

    the only context I can think of is as a response to someone’s disproportionate excitement. Say, my husband has purchased another in a string of nearly identical tools and wants me to sit with him and look at websites so we can determine just how good a deal he got by buying on craigslist. I could respond by saying, “dude, just pop a boner over it, why don’t you?” Then I would sneer and eat the last cookie in the house.

    Actually, I could probably use it now. The jackhole’s on a business trip to Miami and keeping texting me photos of the beach.(we live in upstate NY. It is not beachy here.) How does one abbreviate pop a boner for text-speak?

  2. smart aleck says:

    Boners….things like that are why I keep coming back for more (that’s what she said).

    I seriously got the growing pains image flash into my head at the second sentence, without scrolling down.

    I will work on the how to work ‘pop a boner’ into normal every day conversation…for me it’s how distracted I get by really nice leather purses online when I need to be studying. Or drooling as I walk past a good steak restaurant as the smell wafts out.
    I guess I will never be Hindu or a vegetarian.

  3. The knife I use to cut chicken boobs is a 5.5″ boner. I giggle every time.

  4. Dude, you said “weiner.” Snort.

  5. I couldn’t get past “surprisingly hard”.

  6. Being a grown up is highly overrated. I’d rather not.

    I’m not sure how you work that into a sentence, but now I’ll be trying to as well.

    weiner. *snicker*

  7. I have had bosses who used the word boner to mean “big mistake or blunder” and it is impossible to keep a straight face when someone does that.

    Impossible.

  8. I’d use it to describe something amazing. “That hamburger was so good it made me pop a boner.”

    “Double rainbows, omg, so amazing. I just popped a boner”

  9. i’m with Delora, above. double rainbows and popping boners.* that would a great Blog name. (*I called it.)

  10. There is a street in my town that is named “Bonerwood”. Can you imagine how awesome it would be to tell people you live on Bonerwood? I would laugh every.single.time.

  11. RIP Boner.

  12. The day “boner” stops being funny is the day we roll over and die.

  13. How about this…one kid checks out a girl and says to a friend…”yeah, she’s cute and all, but I’m not gonna pop a boner over her.”

    Do I win a prize?

  14. On the menu at my kids’ schools at least once a month? Weiner winks. In essence, they’re pigs in a blanket, but weiner winks? Totally inspired. Gourmet. Also? Hilarious.

  15. Definitely when you’re excited about something…like how I popped a boner when my husband bought me my Dyson. And, I don’t even have a penis.

  16. This was even better than your post about ‘back door friends’.

  17. Keeping in mind that I can’t actually pop a boner, I would probably use it like this: “I got so excited about blah blah blah that I almost popped a boner!”

  18. Before the Olympics when Boner was missing, my husband kept asking, “Who was he again? What was he in?” and I was like, “Duh, that’s Boner!!” and we both laughed. It made me sad that the outcome wasn’t happy.

  19. I probably shouldn’t be reading stuff like this at work right now. Maybe I should stop. I feel dirty.

  20. I’m totally posting ‘Boner’ as my Facebook status tomorrow. My family will be so proud.

  21. Totally could’ve worked at my husbands Christmas party last weekend. Yeah, it was that kind of party. We had a blast.

  22. Dude. Have you ever seen the commercial for the Wunder Boner? Because you NEED to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQ79pCJBcJ8 and the fact that it seems to be narrated by Mike Rowe? Even better.

    Also every time I look at that picture I see Boner Stab one. And that is even funnier.

    I’d use it to describe something awesome too. Like “I totally popped a boner when I saw the preview for the new Harry Potter movie.” Or “That red velvet cake was so tasty I nearly popped a boner.”

  23. hehehehehe boner.
    Know what word also gets me everytime? WEINER! hehehehehe

  24. I’m totally posting ‘Boner’ as my Facebook status tomorrow. My family will be so proud.

  25. Before the Olympics when Boner was missing, my husband kept asking, “Who was he again? What was he in?” and I was like, “Duh, that’s Boner!!” and we both laughed. It made me sad that the outcome wasn’t happy.

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