I started referring to January 1, 2011 as “My Day of Jubilee” when I got tickets to the Winter Classic.
It was a reference to “The West Wing” and I really just liked yelling things like “YOU WILL NOT RUIN MY DAY OF JUBILEE!” when threatened with terrible weather or people talking trash about the Washington Capitals.
Somewhere in there I decided to make 2011 my year of jubilee. Sure, partially because I enjoyed all the shouting but also because it was beginning to seem like just by saying it out loud I was actually happier.
I was going to be happy in 2011 dammit. I spent far too much of 2010 being angry.
Sure, I come off as lighthearted here most of the time, but you know what they say. You only see what the blogger wants you to see. People in my real life have said the following things about me this year.
You always seemed stressed and overworked.
You are never happy about anything.
You carry around too much guilt.
Mommy, you yell a lot.
Maybe I did, but this year will be different. This is my year of jubilee.
I thought that my year of jubilee was unique. What I didn’t know was that years of jubilee already existed. Nuns have them. Queens have them. Hebrews have them. Many cultures celebrate them every 49 or 50 years. Years of Jubilee exist and they aren’t just about bliss, they involve reflection, returning property and forgiveness.
There is that word again. It has been coming up a lot lately.
Forgiveness is not my strong suit. I like to hold on to my anger. If you have done something to make me mad I want to remember it. I don’t ever want to get to the fool me twice.
Being angry is easy. Letting it go is hard.
But I am going to try.
Because this is my year of jubilee.
I started cleaning out my closets both mentally and physically last year. I am well on my way to getting rid of a lot of things I don’t need anymore. This ranges from shoes to jobs to friends – my old suitcases as well as emotional baggage.
If it is a drag and not making my life better I do not need it. If it is one sided I do not want it.
I have this theory that if I say it enough times it will be true. This is the power of positive thinking, The Secret, my mental dream board, a mantra. You can call it whatever you want to call it. I call it my year of jubilee.