My kids are packing their bags. They will be spending the night with their grandparents and my mother-in-law (now I know why people write MIL even if they aren’t on twitter. That word is a punctuation and capitalization nightmare) is at our house to pick them up.
I can hear the boy chanting under his breath.
Sack of C. Sack of C. Sack of C.
If any of you have children and a potty mouth, you might have realized long ago that words that you think aren’t curse words sound terrible when they come out of a little kid’s mouth.
Those words include, but are not limited to:
- The lyrics to “My Sharona”
The phrases “Oh my God”, “pisses me off”, “shut your hole”, “bloody hell”, “What the eff?” and “mother of Christ” sound really bad too. I could go on, but you get my point.
I got Mother of Christ from The Sopranos. One time Tony said “Mother of Christ, Carmella!” and it has been one of my go-tos ever since. Bloody hell is the fault of Harry Potter and Gordon Ramsay.
Anyway, my six year old is chanting “Sack of c, sack of c, sack of c…” when he suddenly yells up from the bottom of the stairs “Hey Mom! Can I say the C Word?”
Now, I know that in this case the C word is crap, because I stopped using the exclamation “son of a whore” and replaced it with the more innocuous “sack of crap” in front of the children.
My mother-in-law however, doesn’t know this, and I can only assume that she thinks he means a the more commonly known C-word.
My mother-in-law is pretty cool. She isn’t stuffy or a prude and she has heard her share of bad words, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t going to reflect poorly on me if I don’t hurry up and rectify this situation, and she is looking horrified, so really quick I say “Yes! You can say that C word. One time.”
And so my darling boy yells up the stairs “Sack of crap. Heh. SACK OF CRAP! SACK OF CRAP!”
1) I know there is an ongoing debate about the status of the word crap as a curse word, but it sounds foul coming out of a child.
2) I yelled “I said you could say it one time!” and then I started laughing, because I can’t help it. Little kids saying bad words is funny and everyone knows it.
3) It gets worse.
So Ian is at the bottom of the stairs laughing, and then he says “Huh. Ass.”
But he says it more like “Aaaahhhhsssssssssssssssssssssssss.”
I yell “HEY!” and he stops.
This isn’t over yet.
Three minutes later he is putting on his shoes and he starts saying “eff you see”. Then again “eff you see, eff you cee, eff you cee” and I am trying to ignore him because obviously the laughing was just egging him on, but his helpful and suddenly literate sister says in a really snotty voice “Ian, don’t you mean eff you see kay?”
All the adults yell “HEY!”
I said “That is enough. I don’t want to hear any more of that kind of talk.”
Because I am a hypocrite, but in this case a justified one.
1) There is more than one C word.
2) Don’t get him started.
3) They are all bad words if you use them in the correct context with the right inflection.
4) I am very lucky to have a mother-in-law that also thinks little kids saying curse words is funny. VERY LUCKY.