I have a new theory when it comes to grocery shopping.
Yes, I have multiple theories about grocery shopping.
Anyone who follows me on twitter, foursquare or knows me in real life probably knows that I go to the grocery store easily five times in a normal week. If you figure I spend about 30 minutes shopping each trip that means I spend an average of 130 hours a year buying food, beer, wine and paper products. That probably qualifies me as some sort of expert. I have actually seriously considered starting a entire website just dedicated to my grocery store musings.
My point being that I often have hypotheses about food acquisition mostly because I spend a good portion of my time in supermarkets.
I would also kick ass on The Price is Right.
But my theory! I am sure you are dying to hear about my new theory. It is simple. It is based on math and fashion.
The crappier you look when you leave the house, the more people you will see that you know in the grocery store.
You already know that this is true based on personal experience.
You know that one time you decided you didn’t really need to put on a bra just to buy a gallon of milk you ran into the PTA president. The time you said “fuck it” and wore your pajamas bottoms in lieu of real pants to grab a dozen eggs for breakfast you saw your old boss.
And today, when I went to get some steaks and stuff to make a salad right after my trainer left, still unshowered, still in my ill-fitting workout clothes, with the shirt with the hole under the arm so you can see the red sports bra underneath, I saw not one, not two, but THREE ladies that I knew at Shoppers Food Warehouse.
It was awesome.
Two of these ladies also go to my pool, so having seen me in a bathing suit they have seen worse, but at the pool you are supposed to look like a mess. I’m not saying that a person is expected to have coordinating accessories to go grocery shopping, but I could have run a brush through my hair.
Or put on a shirt with all of the seams still intact.
On Sunday I will wear a cover up and my UCF crocs to Target to see if I can conjure the Squad’s principal or a big client. Or maybe I’ll put on a nice dress and make-up and get my groceries in peace.
Go forth young scientists and test my theory.
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Special thanks to Sarah Be Mye… for her super awesome photo skillz.