I am not going to call her out by name, but I was having a conversation with a person who I am close to that just so happens to be about 10 years younger than I am. I was asking if she thought I should wear pantyhose under my floor length bridesmaid dress.
She said she had never worn pantyhose under a formal dress. In fact, she had never worn pantyhose ever.
Tights yes, hose never.
I am not that old. I am only thirty-eight. I not only wore pantyhose to at least twenty formal events, I also had to wear them to work every day for more than one job. Not because I wanted to, but because it was the dress code.
I’d noticed that Hollywood has been shunning pantyhose for years now, and I’ve always thought that women on the red carpet with short dresses and bare legs looked… unfinished. Like they forgot lipstick or earrings. I don’t mean to judge – I suck at accessorizing. I just cannot fathom how a person will get shit injected into their face for vanity yet draw the line at wearing something that is tight around the leg. Surgical augmentation? Yes. Sewn into a dress? Yes. Wearing pain in lieu of clothes on the cover of a magazine? Sure. Pantyhose? Aw, hell no.
I don’t get it.
And it makes me feel old.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to wear pantyhose. I work from home. I don’t even usually wear shoes. But if I were going to have hundreds of paparazzo taking my picture for tens of thousands of websites, magazines and television, and I spent $60,000 on a dress, I would not want people seeing all of my bruises and mosquito bites.
That makes me sound super sexy.
I don’t think I’m old fashioned. I don’t think I’m as crotchety as this post makes me sound, although I also hate dress shorts and orange eye shadow. Maybe I am finally getting old. Maybe I’m pissy because the kids are watching “Good Luck Charlie” for the fifteenth time today, or maybe I am just tired of seeing Sarah Jessica Parker’s foot veins.
I am tempted to ask you if you feel strongly about this too, but I don’t think I want to know.