I am standing in the shower and I can hear the shrieking coming down the hall.
I have been in the shower almost long enough so that my hair is wet enough to put in the shampoo.
I wonder what he could have done to make her so angry in such a short period of time.
The screaming comes in the door.
“IAN!” she gives her standard answer.
“He tried to choke me!”
“No I didn’t!”
Awesome. Now all three of us are in my bathroom.
“I HATE MY LIFE!” she yells. “YOU NEVER EVEN LOVED ME!”
I have been in the shower for three minutes. The seven years right before that I spent with her.
“I have always loved you.” I say.
And they exit.
* * *
I am standing in the shower and I yell “DAMMIT!”
Because I forgot to mow the lawn before I took a shower. Now I will get all smelly and have to bathe again before my fantasy football draft.
Who am I kidding? It is an online draft and the last time I got to take two showers in one day was… I can’t even remember the last time I took two showers in one day. Probably the last time a kid threw up on me.
* * *
I am standing in the shower rinsing the conditioner out of my hair.
He is back.
“Do you think whipped cream would be good in a shake?” he asks.
“Sure. Wait! What are you doing?”
“I am writing a recipe for a shake.”
He is planning this evening’s milk shake competition versus his father.
“Do we have whipped cream?”
“Where?” I can’t remember buying whipped cream since we had pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving. It is August.
“In the fridge.”
“Check the date on it.”
I hear footsteps run down the hall.
I hear footsteps running back.
“It is sour cream.”
“Yeah, that would taste bad in a shake.”
* * *
I am getting out of the shower. It is quiet. Ten minutes have lapsed since I got in the shower.
I love my children.
I cannot wait for school to start on Tuesday.