My Bus Was Never This Lucrative

Monday afternoon my second grade son got off of the bus waving around what appeared to be a piece of paper. “Mom! Jacob W. just gave me fifty bucks!”

It really looked like a fifty dollar bill, but that was impossible, right? Jacob W. is in first grade.

He handed it to me and there he was. Ulysses S. Grant. It was a real $50.

It then occurred to me that on Friday Ian came off the bus crying. He said that Jacob W. punched him in the nose on the bus and now he owed Ian $50. I of course dismissed this. This is the same child that once said I owed him twenty bucks for eating the rest of the Doritos while he was at school. The Doritos that I bought.

Even though I had completely forgotten about the assault and random financial assessment, Jacob W. had remembered and paid up.

My friend Angie is visiting from out of town. She asked Ian “Is this some sort of out of court settlement?” I made sure he hadn’t signed any legal documents.

It still didn’t answer the question of how a six year old got a hold of a fifty dollar bill.

I was picturing this tiny little boy (I know the kid. He is adorable.) climbing up on the counter and swiping half a yard from his mom’s purse. Then I pictured how confused Mrs. W. would be when she went to pay for groceries.

I told Ian he had to give the money back. There was no way he could keep it. He assured me he could handle it discreetly.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and despite what my single friends might think, what February 14th means to me is that I have to go to two class parties before Brownies and choir rehearsal. Fortunately, Jacob W.’s mom was also volunteering for the class party and even though she was shocked and more worried about the physical violence than the money (which turned out to be his Christmas money) we got everything straightened out and the $50 was returned to its rightful owner.

I am, however, thinking that I may try an experiment where I just go around yelling that people owe me $50. I mean, if it wasn’t a child I wouldn’t feel so bad, and it can’t hurt to try, right? If you could get arrested for yelling crazy things Michele Bachmann would have been imprisoned long ago.

I am also going to go over to Jacob W.’s house for Christmas. I figure if the six year old gets $50 I would do pretty well.

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  1. In my classroom, my students use extortion all the time. Where do they learn this crap?

  2. (One of) your single friends thinks February 14th means going to work and then meeting deadlines and watching The Voice, so that sounds almost the same.

    I’m impressed that Jacob W. still has his Christmas money. He’s a violent financial planner kid with a conscience — he could have almost been in Wall Street.

  3. That whole situation is hilarious. I can just picture Ian, nose burning with pain, screaming at the kid as he got off the bus, “You owe me $50!” And the kid believing him, and following through? He must have said it with such conviction.

  4. smart aleck says:

    Three words: personal injury attorney.

    You could be at center ice and the fifty yard line for every game on your son’s dime…..just think about it…

    Or, collection agent for the Mafia.

    Either way, a healthy salary.

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