Testing, Testing

I was just at Safeway and as I was walking in a guy smoking a cigarette outside asked me for a dollar for the bus.

He looked rough. He was skinny and twitchy. He was clearly in need of a fix but I have had a weird week and I decided to give him a dollar so I reached for my purse. Then he said “I could use three dollars.”

I froze and looked at him. I wasn’t scared. It was mid morning and there were a lot of other people walking by. I said “One dollar?”

He said “Or three dollars.”

I think I rolled my eyes, but I was still going to give him a dollar when he said “Some people give me twenty dollars.”

I put my wallet away. “Forget it.” I said to him and walked inside the store.

*

It seems jarring every time I remember that James Gandolfini is dead. I don’t know why.

*

I was at this neighborhood party a few weeks ago. There was live music and I sang a song. I sang because when somebody says “Do you want to sing the Go-Gos?” my answer will always be yes.

To be fair, when somebody asks me if I want to sing anything the answer is generally yes.

*

I cannot believe I pay a woman $65 to put hot wax on my junk and rip the hair out of my body. I must be insane.

*

You are moving too fast! You are moving too slow. You do too much. Are you looking for a real job? Nobody wants you in that band anyway. You are a bottomless hole of egomaniac. Please come to practice. They don’t want you. You can’t handle this. You can do it all by Friday. Go. Come down here. Everybody is waiting for you. Did you wash my fuzzy blanket? Meow. Meow meow meow meow meow. Can we FaceTime right now? How about now? How about now? You’re not good enough. You will never be good enough.

*

I need to mow the lawn but it won’t stop raining.

*

I am not depressed. I don’t think.

*

I sang the Go-Gos song and it was really fun. It is easy to forget how much I love to be on stage. It is funny how I am at complete ease singing in front of complete strangers but singing in front of my neighbors makes me nervous.

But only for a minute. I am fine after the first song.

*

I finish the song and go say hi to my kids.

You dance funny.

Yeah Mom, you dance funny.

Um. Okay.

A pretty stranger is looking at me with her head tilted. She walks up to me.

Do you have a blog?

*

I used to have a blog. I should probably have it again.

 

 

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  1. smart aleck says:

    You took a break from the blog for my sake…so I would have time to study and spend with babygirl. On the evening of July 26th I will exhale the king of all exhales (not in a drug way) and declare that you may commence daily blogging again. And I appreciate the hiatus–laughing makes it hard to keep the law in my head.

    As for the nervy guy…eek. I feel bad when I ignore people and keep walking down a street with my husband (while he gives a thousand excuses–because we never do go on walks with our wallets–we bring enough for what we went out to do, or just our keys and phones). Then I hear about the woman who got the crap beat out of her at 5:30pm because she didn’t give a homeless guy money.

    I donate the local charities and hope it goes further, making it to the right people for the right things. Yet still feel like a heartless bitch.

    The wax thing? You are braver than me (TMI)–but ever since the woman called in on the radio years ago and told them that she had to have stitches in her labial area because the waxing she was doing for a treat for her boyfriend’s birthday went awry….I’ve been way too chicken (sorry hubby)

  2. smart aleck says:

    (donate TO the local charities–now I’m a bitch who leaves out words)

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