Unpleasant Pearls of Wisdom

1) When you are comforting your child who is sick with the flu you are right. You are going to get it too. 2) If you are cutting up jalapeños and taking the seeds out make sure you generously wash your hands and leave ample time before you take out your contacts. Or tampon. 3) [...]

Out Out Damn Bug!

I am the Lady MacBeth of lice. Seriously, I always think I have lice and I never do. In December my head was itching like crazy and I was convinced I was infested, but no. It was (wait for it) glitter. I did not have lice. I had glitter. GLITTER. It was far more glamorous [...]

Finally, A Justification for Impulse Buys

On Saturday, Claudia and I went to Walgreens to pick up one item. We needed some shampoo. Of course, since it was just the two of us, we also agreed to browse the nail polish selection. We completely forgot to check out the nail polish but we remembered that we also needed conditioner and toothpaste. [...]

Because I Am No Longer Capable of Writing in More Than 140 Characters

Balance Rewards, My Friends

I am not going to lie, I am a little bit weird about drug stores. No joke. I like walking around in drug stores. I like looking at the nail polish colors. I like browsing the shampoo aisle. I like the bizarre stuff that always shows up in the holiday aisle. I like drug stores. [...]

You Are Welcome Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum

What do you get when you mix my favorite Christmas Carol,  $ .89, a wizard and a metal guitar?   Little Drummer Boy – Christopher Lee Oh, hells yes. Actually, I recommend you spend the $1.78 and get the “Silent Night” too. I did. My decision was a sound one. My only regret is that [...]

Funny, I Don’t Feel 40

I turned forty yesterday. 40. FORTY. It is weird. I don’t feel forty years old. I’m not even sure I feel thirty. Most of the time I feel 20, except for the fact that I suspect I am only weeks away from needing bifocals. I still think it is funny when I am allowed to [...]

Not So Sure About Those Christmas Carols

I woke up with Walking in a Winter Wonderland stuck in my head. Woke up with Walking in a Winter Wonderland. Say THAT three times fast. Anyway, I woke up to this. In the meadow we can build a snowman Then pretend that he’s a circus clown. She’ll say “Are you married?” We’ll say “No, [...]

Preteen Angst

My daughter asks me the same question every single day. “Why do you hate me?” And every single day I give her the same answer. “I don’t hate you. I love you.” To which she generally replies “No you don’t. You hate me.” and this goes on for a while. This outburst is usually prompted [...]

5 Totally Unrelated Things I Have Learned This Month

1) Mick Jagger wrote the song “Tumbling Dice” after talking to a housekeeper about her gambling habit. 2) The piece of metal that you use to transition from a wood flor to a tile floor is called a Schluter. 3) Pinterest makes so much more sense if you watch Doctor Who.

Someday They Will Tell Their Therapists This Story

I walked into the room in the middle of “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance”. Now, I am not entirely sure this movie is age appropriate for eight year olds, but there they were watching it. “Who is that guy, Mom?” “I don’t know.” I said. “I’ve never seen this movie.” “But who is he supposed [...]

There is Change

Just when I think I can’t take it anymore. Just when I think – this was the wrong decision. We should have moved. Remodeling is going to kill us. Just when I think I haven’t had an air conditioner since June and now I need heat and I don’t have that either. Just when I [...]