She is seven years old.

What on earth have I created?

I will take partial credit.

The Goon Squad’s birth announcement featured a picture of the twins wearing Misfit’s onesies.

Then there was this.

Then I praised her when she wanted these.

But none of those are sexy.

Maybe if the child in the photograph wasn’t wearing all that eyeliner and lipstick.

Or if she didn’t have a red fishnet midriff.

Then again, knowing my daughter, she probably just wants the boots.

I like giving my kids choices and I am the fool that handed them a catalog and said “pick whatever you want to be for Halloween” but this isn’t what I was expecting.

I’m feeling panicky about my daughter becoming a teenager. About her liking boys. About her *deep breath* dating. I don’t know if I am ready for all of that. I know she is only in second grade, but the first seven years went by so fast I know that I will blink and she will be fourteen and she will mean it. Maybe this is why parents get all weepy about back to school. Maybe it is because it is another sign that your baby is growing up and things are changing so fast.

But probably I should just shut up and be happy that she didn’t want to be the bloody nurse.

You know, the song that they would play for you when you come up to bat?

Sports fans are nodding their heads and hitting the comment button. For the rest of you, think of them playing “Wild Thing” for Charlie Sheen in “Major League” when he came out of the bullpen.

Like these:

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

No, I haven’t been approached by a Major League Baseball team (although I am certain that is what you were all thinking) but I have been drinking beer with the guys from my husband’s job and when this subject was broached I knew I needed to really ruminate on it.

I must choose a batting song.

So as I do, I am turning to you to help me make this important life decision.

Here are songs on my shortlist:

Bad Reputation – Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
South Of Heaven- Slayer
Twist Of Cain – Danzig
Ace of Spades – Motörhead
Dies Irae – Verdi’s Requiem
The Usurper – Celtic Frost
A Fifth of Beethoven (Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony – Walter Murphy

Help me choose my batting song. Am I missing something really obvious? What would your batting song be?

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Alice Cooper photo: David Guralnick

First of all, I get to sit in a VIP blogger area back stage which is insane and amazing.

Second of all, this isn’t just a regular concert. This is Duran Duran Unstaged. This concert is directed by David Lynch.

David Lynch! Duran Duran!!

I’m completely geeked, and not to sound like an ad (my ticket was free, but I paid for my flight out here and I’m staying at Erin’s house for free and nobody is requiring me to write this) but you can watch along here at 10:00 pm EST. If you do look for me.

I’ll be the one looking like I cannot believe I’m there.

]]> http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/2011/03/23/the-duran-duran-show-before/feed/ 11 http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/2011/03/08/my-lifehack/ http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/2011/03/08/my-lifehack/#comments Tue, 08 Mar 2011 22:00:35 +0000 Goon Squad Sarah http://sarahandthegoonsquad.com/?p=6098 Laurie says I should start saying more positive things about myself here on the blog.

I guess she wouldn’t want me to tell you that I just mistyped both the word positive and the word things.

See also: mistyped. Oh, the irony!

Thank you spellcheck.

I know I trash talk myself a lot here, but I am always afraid that if I tell you good things it will sound like bragging and nobody wants to sit around and read about how fabulous I think I am. Self-depracation is more charming. I also have more to talk about when I tell you the stupid things I do.

But! I have come up with a brilliant plan and I figured this would be the perfect time to tell you how awesome I am.

You know how when you hard boil eggs if you don’t eat them right away you have two problems? The first one is that you can’t tell (by sight) if an egg is hard boiled or raw. The second is that hard boiled eggs stay good for a week and I can never remember how long they have been in the fridge.

I have solved all of my problems. The usual way – with a sharpie.

Behold:

My Hard Boiled Egg Hack

The H is for hard boiled. The date is for the date.

Genius, right? Even Asha would be proud of me for this one.

My only advice would be to check the month before you write it down in permanent marker.

I made these yesterday.

But things are never that simple.

First of all, I called Gabe at work to ask him if I could tell the internet that he thinks you can’t wear the shirt of the band you are going to see to that show. First he said yes, then he said “And it isn’t just me! Everybody knows you can’t wear the shirt of the band to the show!” And in the background I hear his co-worker, and apparently hype-man, yell “DON’T BE THAT GUY!”

The thing is, Laurie and I are going to see Bon Jovi this coming Sunday.  I got to thinking – I still have my Slippery When Wet jersey from February of 1987, and when I say jersey I mean jersey. It is white with black three-quarter sleeves. I would show you a picture of me wearing it, but my iPhoto is still broken.

Anyway, because I needed backup I asked twitter:  If I go see Bon Jovi and wear my “Slippery When Wet” shirt from 1998 does it make me a total loser or am I keeping it real?

And then TwoBusy said “Yes” which I kind of figured and then Laurie said:

Which is kind of good point, because you know what? It isn’t 1987. It is 2011 and I no longer have to drink in parking lots (I’m not saying I don’t do that, I am saying I don’t have to do that. Now they let me drink in bars.) and since I make more than $2 babysitting, I can afford real wine, I don’t have to mix my mom’s jug wine with orange juice and pretend it is a wine cooler.

Hi Mom. Hi Jill!

But back to this who t-shirt business.

Then Gabe sent me this with the subject “1:50 Mark”.

I hate it when he is right.

Or rightish.

Is he right? Is the PCU trailer  even a valid argument? What should I wear on Sunday?

And don’t say those jeans that have leather lace ups in the back because I threw those away like four years ago.

This should help you make an informed decision.

I guess I could just wear my Cinderella shirt.

This question generally results in a four way tie since we all invariably vote for ourselves.

Hmph.

Each family member has their own reasons and as much as my friend White assures me that my cat Sid is more metal than me, I assert that I am the only one in this house who ditched the Homecoming dance in high school to go see Sepultura.

Pretty metal, right?

Sadly, it doesn’t quite compare to turning each “a” in your name into skulls and crossbones.

Yes, it would appear my six year old daughter has surpassed me in metalness. Metalhood?

Fine. I accept that. I guess you always try to raise your children to be better people that you are, to have just a little bit more that you had. I will consider this as a success.

Speaking of things I am choosing to consider successes, Babble has done me the honor of choosing me as one of their Top 50 Mom Bloggers of 2010. Agree or disagree with their list, I am flattered to be mentioned in the company of the other 49 women. Really, I squeaked in at #47 but I like it  because John Lynch wore #47 and John Lynch was not only a badass, but also super hot.

I said that like he was dead, but he is still alive. Sorry John.

I debated whether to write about the Babble list thing or not. I know it is controversial and I know a lot of people think that the list is flawed, but I am on a new mission to not bury my accomplishments. I was talking to my husband about my issues and he pointed out that maybe I was not taken seriously because I spent so much time trying to downplay my achievements. I thought I was being polite, I thought I was being humble. It turns out I was just convincing people that I didn’t really do anything worthwhile, and that has really been working against me.

Plus, it isn’t very metal.

But this is.

You can tell by the umlaut.

[photo: TBO]

I watched it happen. They say you can’t, but I can. Maybe you can’t, but I can.

I CAN DO ANYTHING! You can’t stop me.

It was amazing.

(They don’t really call me The Myth Buster. They call me “The Boiler”.)

Then I left town.

This morning I awoke to the sound of a text message. It was my neighbor wondering if I felt the earthquake.

Since I am in San Francisco I couldn’t figure out what she was talking about. Was there an earthquake out here? Was she talking about home? Did I remember to pack a a bathing suit? What earthquake?

I knew exactly how to solve this mystery. I turned to Twitter.

It was an earthquake! In D.C.! And I missed it!

Also, holy crap, a hellmouth? CapitolClio didn’t even mention the 30 inches of snow.

But that is neither here nor there, my point is that I was dead on with my earthquake prediction. Who wants to go to Vegas with me? Can you even bet on weather?

Now I just have one question.

What goes with these shoes?

(thanks to Flutter for leading me to the website where I bought these)

ps – These shoes are 100% vegan. Weird, huh.

pps – I hope I can walk in them.

ppps – I am going to be, like, seven feet tall.

Plus I posted a picture of Jon Bon Jovi practically naked over there, so what are you waiting for?

I totally used to have this exact poster on my wall.

Alas, I’ve said too much. Go win tickets.

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